I have decided that introducing myself will be much less awkward if I start out with a hilarious joke to break the ice. Are you ready? Oh, man, this is rich! I can't wait to see your reaction to this. Are you ready? Do you have your funny-pants on? Are you ready to laugh your posterior off? Okay, here it is, the most amazingly funny joke in the entire history of the whole wide world and even Mars:
Okay, can you breathe? Have you stopped gasping for air? Are you done tee-heeing and ho-hoing and ha-haing? Good. So now things should be decidedly less awkward...That is, unless you just so happen to be a fan of Ms. Meyer's saga, for which I will forgive you only if you give me a cookie.
This being said, I don't hate Twilight. And I don't hate Stephanie Meyer. She can't help that her books are inconsistent. But that's not the point; if you want to see the most amazing blog about Twilight ever, then I suggest you go to Sparknotes and look up Dan Bergstein's "Blogging Twilight." I was just explaining that my joke wasn't meant to be mean or spiteful. In fact, it was meant to be funny...that's why it's called a joke...duh.
So now that the ice is broken (AH! Help, I'm slipping through the broken ice and am getting hypothermia from the frigid Arctic waters as we speak!), I will introduce myself.
Hi, my name is Elizabeth but on I shall go by the alias Emachinescat. Why?
When we got the Internet for the first time, I was making my first e-mail account. As I was just a wee girl of eight or nine, my dad decided to help me think of a name. We had an Emachines brand computer at the time, and I love cats more than is probably healthy because they're so cute and fluffy and independent and cuddly, and, and... Okay, exibit A. Sorry. So we combined the two, and now I'm Emachinescat! Whoopeee!
Alright, let's see...Me...
Okay, I've got one!
I'm an English major in my second semester of Sophomore year at college. I love to write and want to be a famous author someday. I am a Christian and I fully believe in the sovereignty of God. I am not going to judge you because of what you do or what you believe, I will be your friend regardless.
I tend to go through "obsessive stages" although that sounds kind of creepy, so we'll call them "Squee-Attacks...of DOOM!" Anyway, I get really into a book, show, movie, whatever, and it's all I want to talk about. I just got over Legend of the Seeker. Now Merlin is in the forefront of my mind. I don't think I'm going to get over Merlin for a while (like FOREVER because, come on guys, if you're reading this, you've obviously WATCHED the show and it's just fantabulous!), so you'll have to stick with me. If we are having a conversation about why if naked mole rats are called naked mole rats, then shouldn't hairless cats be called naked mole cats (that really is a good question, please let me know the answer as soon as possible), and I suddenly remark, "Oh my gosh, Merlin is amazing and he killed a griffin and a basilisk and then he lifted a car and went to the moon and proposed to me," just ride it out. I'll get out my excitement eventually.
Like I said - right now my big obsession is the BBC show, Merlin. I love the bromance between Arthur and Merlin but I am NOT a slash fan and I will tell you up front, NONE of my Merlin stories, nor any other story from any other fandom, will ever be slash. I only write friendship. So if you're ever reading something of mine and you think "this is borderline slash" then that's fine - it's your interpretation and I won't begrudge you your opinion. But know that I only mean it to be friendship. If you wanna put on your slash goggles (or shloggles, as I like to call them) be my guest.
As far as Merlin pairings go, I was a big fan of Merlin/Gwen in the first season but now I'm Merlin/Gwen friendship and Arthur/Gwen. I find a fascination with Merlin/Morgana even though it will probably never be. I thought Uther was quite lovely with Catrina the Smelly Ugly Troll of Doom. He finally found someone he's worthy of. Maybe. I call that ship "Utrina" or Catruther" or "Utroll" or better yet "Epic Hilariousness." Ha. Morgause/Cenred was kind of cute in a weird way until (SPOILER ALERT!) Morgause offed him. But yeah.
Oh and I'm the captain of Team Merlin. 'Nuff said.
With Harry Potter I'm full-fledged Ron/Hermione. I may make a character from a crossover like Hermione or Ron, but I will never ultimately pair either one with anyone but each other. They are meant to be. Period. I'm Harry/Ginny as well. HATE Harry/Cho. Actually, I hate Cho. She's so annoying and whiny.
With the Hardy Boys I'm a Joette and I like the Joe/Iola pairing although I use Joe/Vanessa a lot in my stories. I don't care for Callie at all but it's almost always Frank/Callie anyway. What can I say? I'm a stickler for canon? Yeah, we'll go with that... In Nancy Drew, I'm for the original, canon pairings. No Nancy/OC or even worse, Nancy/Joe. Gag me with a spoon! Frank/Nancy is hardly any better in my oh-so-humble opinion, but ANYTHING is better than Nancy/Joe. Blech! Joe/Bess is kind of cute, although I've never written a Nancy/Hardy crossover. I prefer Bess/Dave and George/Burt. I'm just a yellow-spine kinda girl.
That being said, there are other things that are always in my mind. Like cats and squirrels and Harry Potter. I also like platypi? Platypusses? Platy-people? No clue. Which brings up another question: if some sick, terrible excuse for a human being decided to cook up some Platypi in a pie, what would they call it? "Platypi Pie?" Or maybe "Platy-Pi squared"? I'd name it Gilderoy, but that's just because I think Gilderoy Lockhart was a platypus in another life. ANYWAY...
See what I mean? But I honestly believe that is a big reason I can be entertaining...
Oh, I'm scared of a lot of stuff. Like elevators. Spiders. Storms. Stupid people in large groups. A group of stupid spiders waiting for me on a stormy night inside of a haunted elevator. Stuff like that. Oh yeah, and black rocks. Don't ask. Just go watch "The Knowing" with Nicholas Cage. Yeah, I'm a bit of a wimp. So what?
Alright, I'm running out of things to say, but that is mainly because my feet are cold and I have vowed not to move or even put socks on until I have finished this introduction. And as my toes are turning a lovely shade of blue, I think it's about time I allowed you to truly let in what I have told you here today sink in and speak to your soul.
Now that you know me a little better, do you know what you should do? READ MY STORIES! REVIEW! MESSAGE ME! SEND ME A PET PLATYPUS NAMED GILDEROY! What? You know you want to.
Happy reading. :)