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I Sound Like An Idiot...
But what are alerts?
I've always wondered this.
And I've been on this site for quite a time now.
If anyone could tell me, that'd be super great.

Well, you're not an idiot...
but maybe a little slow. JKJK!!

If you choses to have alerts activated on your account, it means that you will receive an email notice (Ie: alert), when the author/story updates.

Thank you.

(But, I agree. I am rather slow.)