Futurama fanfic: Drag Fry to Hell: Bender's InfernoChapter One:
One Friday night, Bender was at the Hip Joint on a date with Fanny.
Bender: Oh, Fanny! I'm so glad you dumped the Donbot and decided to date me, Bender!
Fanny: Oh, Bender! You are so evil! You're more evil than the Donbot ever was!
Bender: What do you say we dance?
Fanny: I'd love to!
Just then Bender's text message beeps. Bender grabs it and answers.
Fanny: What is it?
Bender: It's Fry! He needs help getting his pajamas on!
Fanny: Tell you what? How about I email you my address?
Bender: Okay. And don't forget!
Fanny: I won't.
Bender leaves the Hip Joint on his hovercycle.
The next morning at Robot Arms Apartments Bender checks his email.
Computer: You got mail!
Bender: Yes! She wrote me! (reads the address) And she gave me her address! Why is it in New Jersey? Hope she's not dating The Situation!
Bender (screaming in frustration): What is it now?
Fry walks into living room with his pants down to his ankles and is wearing boxer shorts with pink hearts on them.
Fry: I need help getting my belt on!
Bender: All right!
Bender gets up to help Fry get his belt on.
Bender: I swear, Fry! You put me through this everyday! You throw up on airplanes, you need help getting into your pajamas, you can't tie your shoes, you can't even put on your own pants! I swear! Your parents must've had their hands full with you!
Fry: Thanks for getting them on. Put the belt on the last loop.
Bender (buckling Fry's belt): If you weren't so S&B you wouldn't need this belt!
Fry: What do you mean, S&B?
Bender: Skin and Bones!
Fry: Enough of the skinny jokes!
Bender: You don't exactly have pecs, that's for sure! Guess what? Fanny just emailed me!
Fry: Are you going to go over?
Bender: You bet your ass I am! I think she's going to ask me to move in!
Fry: Wow! That's great! I moved in with Colleen once!
Bender: Remember that. And you're coming with me!
Fry: No! I have stuff to do! Leela's meeting me somewhere......
Bender: You and I both know you don't have stuff to do! That Leela thing is BS and you know it! You're coming with me to meet Fanny!
Fry: Why do you always drag me along?
Bender: Because I'm older, stupid! You're only 33! And believe it or not, I'm 36!
Fry: I thought you were only 4!
Bender: Just said that as a joke! I'm large and in charge! As long as you live with me, you'll do as I say! (pointing his finger in Fry's face).
Fry: Okay. How are you going to get there? The Professor won't let us use the Planet Express ship.
Bender: I have a hovercycle, remember?
Bender leads Fry to his hovercycle. Fry gets into the passanger seat.
Bender (buckles Fry into the seat): You're in the bitch seat!
Fry: Why are you strapping me in for?
Bender: Because you're skinny! You'll fly away! This hovercycle has the force of three airplanes!
Sal comes up to Bender.
Sal: Hey, youse! Whatcha doin' with that hovercycle? You stoles that! Give it back!
Bender: Oh, redneck wants his hovercycle back, eh?
Sal: Yeah, give it to me now!
Bender: Close your eyes.....
Sal closes his eyes and Bender kicks him in the stomach.
Bender (walking back to his hovercycle): There's your hovercycle, Chump! (laughs evilly) Ready to go to New Jersey?
Bender flies away on his hovercycle with Fry in tow.
Fry and Bender arrive in Atlantic City to where Fanny lives and it seems errily familiar.
Bender: Hmmmm, why do I get the feeling I've been here before?
Fry: You're right. (going to a door and opening it): Well, this must be the place....
Fry and Bender enter the building then slide down a twirly slide. Then they discover they're in Robot Hell.
Bender: Robot Hell? This is where she lives?
Fry: Maybe she got kidnapped! Like in that Robin Williams movie where he had to save his wife from hell. Last movie I saw with my parents.
Fry and Bender explore until they run into Fanny.
Fanny: Howdy boys!
Bender: Fanny! Don't worry, love! For I am here to save you!
Fanny (laughing): Don't be ridiculous! I actually live here!
Bender: You're not kidnapped? Why do you live here and email me this address?
Robot Devil: That's because she's really going out with me!
Fry (gasps): Who said that?
Robot Devil (revealing himself): I did! That's right! Fanny is mine!
Bender: No! Fanny! How can you do this to me? You're supposed to be dating me! Bender!
Fanny: But, I am willing to date you.....
Robot Devil: We'll strike you a deal...
Bender: Name it! (shaking his fist)
Robot Devil: You have to go through 3 obstacles and obtain 3 crystals. If you succeed, you get to date Fanny, if you are unsuccessful.....
Bender: Fine! I accept your challange!
Fanny: You have to prove your love to me!
Fry: Do I have to go through these obstacles, too?
Robot Devil: No, you don't. You're free to go. (whispers to a guard)
Fry: Yes! Now I can do what I want this weekend! No more Bender shenenagians! Leela, here I come!
Just then a guard that looked like Robot Monster sneaks up from behind Fry. Then the guard grabs Fry by the stomach and carries him away.
Fry (screaming): Bender! Help me! Bender! HHEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!
Bender: What did you do to Fry?
Robot Devil: I had him stashed! Not only do you have to go through these obstacles to prove yourself to Fanny, if you're unsuccessful, something bad will happen to Fry.
Bender: The deal is off! For I am going to get reinforcements on you! I have something you'll never have. And that is friends.
Robot Devil: And I'll have something you'll never have! Fanny! If you leave, I'll give you a three hour deadline. If you're not back by three hours, Fry dies!
Bender: It's a deal! (running to his hovercycle)
At Planet Express, Farnsworth was giving a lecture.
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone........
Sirens are heard and Bender runs in.
Bender: Red alert! Red alert! Red alert! Emergency! Emergency!
Leela: What did you do this time?
Hermes: And why isn't Fry with you?
Amy: Do you need our help?
Bender: Yes, please! You got to help me!
Farnsworth: If you want our help you're going to have to sing it to the tune of Billy Swan's 'I Can Help'. Hit it, Hermes!
Hermes plays I Can Help on an organ.
Bender (singing): Woke up this morning, and checked my email. Then I found out Fanny wrote to me! I need help (3 times) It could sure do me good, if you care, I need help! She gave me her address, and I couldn't resist, and then I dragged Fry along to meet her! I Need Help (3 times) It could sure do me some good, if you care, I need help! I meet her and found out she lives in Robot Hell, and then she revealed she's dating the devil! I Need Help (3 Times) It could sure do me some good, if you care, I Need Help! The Devil made me a deal and took Fry away, and made a deal where I had to prove myself to Fanny. I Need Help (3 Times) It could sure do me some good, if you care, I Need Help! .....(stops singing)
Hermes stops playing.
Leela: Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! This is so typical of you!
Amy: I agree! You're always dragging Fry along on your crazy expeditions!
Hermes: Guess what? This is your fault! We're not helping you!
Farnsworth: You go back to Robot Hell, and deal with the Devil and Fanny yourself! And you get Fry back!
Leela: No help from us! Everytime you and Fry go off on these misadventures, he usually ends up kidnapped, beaten, or missing an organ! It's like you two are Laurel and Hardy.....
Bender: That's an insult! If anything, me and Fry are more like Martin and Lewis!
Amy: What happens if he doesn't get Fry back?
Farnsworth: Then he's fired!
Hermes: He'll go back to bending girders for suicide machines!
Leela: You go back there and hold up to your end of the bargin you made with the Robot Devil! Most of all, Get Fry back! And another thing, if by chance you do end up with Fanny, and if you forget about Fry, that's also liable to get you fired! Understood?
Bender: Okay, fine! I don't need help from stupid humans, anyway!
Bender runs out of the building and jumps onto his hovercycle and goes back to Robot Hell.
I'll write part two next week.
Here's more!Chapter Five:
Bender races back to Robot Hell and beats the three hour deadline.
Bender (entering Robot Hell): I wonder if Meat Loaf has had days like this?
Bender goes inside and goes to the throne room confronts the Robot Devil.
Fanny: You beat the deadline. That's awesome!
Robot Devil: So, Bender! Where are all these reinforcements you kept going on and on about?
Bender: They refused to help me. (Farnsworth's voice echoes in Bender's head): 'You get Fry back' 'Then he's fired! Fired! Fired! Fired! Fired!' What have you done to Fry?!
Robot Devil: You want to know what happened to Fry?
Bender: Where is he?! I demand to see him!
Robot Devil calls out his guards. Out comes Fry, who walking in between two robot guards. Fry had on a cloak that covered his head expect his eyes that came down to his shoulders. He has shackles on his wrists and ankles and a belt wrapped around his upper thighs. Fry looks up at Bender.
Fry: Bender! You gotta help me! Do everything the Devil tells you.....
Robot Devil: I assume you want to go through these obstacles?
Bender: Yes, I'll do it!
Robot Devil: Okay! Tuckerbot!
Tuckerbot is a tour guide of Robot Hell. He looked like Twiki with an afro, but darker colored.
Tuckerbot: Yo, Bender! My main man! I'm here to help ya! (sees Fry) Damn! He's skinny! Someone give him a cracker or a sandwich!
Bender: I need help from you??!!
Robot Devil: You will take Tuckerbot with you. Think of him as your Short Round! If you fail, you lose Fanny and Fry dies!
Fry: Bender! Please make it through these obstacles! Forget Fanny! Think of me!!
Bender: Planet Express threatened to fire me if I don't get you back!
Fry (crying): Save me, Bender! Don't lose your job! I need help!
Bender: Don't say such things, scrawny skintube! I'll make it through these obstacles faster than White Lightning!
Tuckerbot: White Lightning?! What are you some kind of redneck like Jeff Foxworthy?!
Fry was crying his eyes out as the two Robot Guards escorted him to a cell.
Robot Devil: You are to obtain the first crystal. It's just over a vat of lava full of robot eating demons!
Fanny: Oh, Bender! I just know you'll make it through!
Bender: Doin' it for you, baby!
Bender and Tuckerbot set out to find the first crystal. Bender sees the crystal on a stand over a vat of lava.
Bender: I'm going in!
Tuckerbot: No Bender! Don't! You can't swim in lava! You ain't Michael Phelps!
Bender: I can swim in lava! I'm 40% dolomite!
Tuckerbot: Yo 40% dynamite?
Bender: Dolo......ahhh! Never mind!
Bender swims in the lava and fighting off the robot demons by using wrestling and boxing manuvers.
Tuckerbot: Damn, Bender! You float like a butterfly and sting like a bee!
Bender swims out of the lava and obtains the first crystal on the stand, only to have him and Tuckerbot get chased by more Robot Demons who throw laser spears at them that land on the floors and walls.
Song: Smashing Pumpkins Pissant plays.
Bender and Tuckerbot endure a huge chase. Bender is running faster.
Tuckerbot (can't keep up with Bender): Slow down, man! I ain't Carl Lewis!
Bender: I'm used to running like this! You should see the delivery adventures I go on!
The Robot Demons throw laser spears at them and Bender throws one back!
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!
Tuckerbot: You ain't supposed to do that! You'll piss 'em off some more!
Bender: Stop telling me what to do! Man, I'd rather have Zoidberg be my tour guide!
Tuckerbot: Yo! You listen to Tuckerbot, you live longer! Got it!
Bender: Whatever! (sees a hydroplane): Jacque! Start the engine!
Bender and Tuckerbot swing on a rope away from the Robot Demons and lands in the Hydroplane.
Bender (looks at the crystal): Perfect! Fanny will be mine!
Tuckerbot: Don't forget your friend!
Bender: Yeah, yeah, yeah, him, too!
The Robot Devil and Fanny appear on the screen.
Robot Devil: Congratulations, Bender! You made it through! Now you must obtain the second crystal away from the Thugeebot cult!
Fanny: Wow, Bender! I'm impressed! I just might go out with you after all!
The hydroplane flies Bender and Tuckerbot to their next mission.
But wait! There's more!Chapter Seven:
Fry is behind bars locked away in a cell. He's laying on a bed. Fry is still in the cloak and he's still in shackles.
Fry: I hate this! I hate being a captive! This is worst than being kidnapped by Dr. Robotnik and that midget assistant of his who looked like a bald, long nosed leprachun and talked like Paul Lynde! I hope Bender never drags me along to meet his girlfriends ever again! I won't have anything nice to say about this place when I get back! (struggling against his chains)
The Robot Devil and Fanny come to his cell.
Robot Devil: Hello, Fry! You know those shackles retract to your body heat! The more you struggle, the tighter they get! (laughs evilly) Anyway, I have something big planned for you!
Fry: What is it?
Fanny (unlocking the cell door): Just follow us!
The Robot Devil and Fanny lead Fry to a platform. They make Fry stand on a platform that Fanny pulled down a lever. The force made Fry fly backwards and his shackles got magnified to a rocketship!
Fry: What's happening! What did you do to me?
Robot Devil: If Bender tries to save you, you will get launched into space without a spacesuit! (laughs evilly)
Fry: (crying): NNNNOOO!!!!! Bender please come!
Robot Devil: I just love being evil!
Fanny: It's more fun on the evil side!
Bender and Tuckerbot parachute out of the hydroplane and move onto their next mission. In a distance, they see a pit of Thugeebot cult members who are working.
Tuckerbot: Talk about nose to the grindstone, man!
Bender: More like brimstone!
Bender gets some sembreros and flamigoes and puts them on himself and Tuckerbot.
Tuckerbot: What are you doing, man? I can't do this! We ain't supposed to piss them off!
Bender: I love pissing people off! Besides, I need to get that crystal and prove myself to Fanny! This is the only way to get their attention! I love drawing attention to myself!
Tuckerbot: Oh, come on, man! I can't do this! I ain't Jose Feliciano!
Bender and Tuckerbot start playing the flamigoes and singing.
Bender (singing): La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! Tacos! Burritoes! Nachos! La Bamba!
Tuckerbot (singing): La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! La! Tacos! Burritoes! Nachos! La Bamba!
It gets the cult's attention and they all turn their heads.
Song: Smashing Pumpkins "Hello Kitty Kat" Plays
Bender (jumping into the pit): Yo, Thugeebots! Ever seen Cradle 2 The Grave?
Tuckerbot: No, Bender, don't, man! No!
Bender screams and yells and he fights off the entire Thugeebot tribe. Bender does cartwheels, back handsprings, boxing, karate, and wrestling manuevers on the whole Thugeebot tribe. A midget Thugeebot member tries to stop the fight.
Midget: This is unacceptable!
Bender grabs the midget by the ankles and twirls him around and throws him in the air. Bender continues to fight off the cult until they are all dismanted beyond repair.
Bender: That's what you get for trying to mess with me! (laughs!)
Just then Molo Bot the cult leader who has the second crystal chases Bender and Tuckerbot, they both run away.
Molo Bot: Mollah! Mollah!
Tuckerbot: Yo, Bender! You crazy man! Yous like Bruce Lee or somethin'! Now you really piss 'im off now!
Bender: Does it look like a care? I piss off people at Planet Express!
Tuckerbot: You think I can be a great member of Planet Express?
Bender: Uhhh, no!
Bender and Tuckerbot jump aboard a roller coaster and Molo Bot does the same. A big chase scene ensues.
Howard Cosell's Head: This is Howard Cosell! Bringing you live up to the date news! A big chase scene here in Robot Hell after a cult leader's members were all destroyed by a crazed robot in love! This just in, my pants are off! Film at 11!
Bender (getting out a beer bottle and putting a hankerchief in it): Okay, that's it! Now I'm really pissed now!
Bender lights up the hankerchief and throws it at Molo Bot!
Bender: Yo, Molo Bot! You're about to become, Kingsford tonight!
Molo Bot explodes and so does the whole roller coaster. The coaster Bender and Tuckerbot were in was flying at high speeds.
Bender and Tuckerbot: WWWOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
The coaster lands on a pile of brimstone and Bender gets the second crystal that lands in his hand.
Bender: Yes! Awesome!
Tuckerbot: Woah, Bender! I must admit! I'm having a lot of fun with you! I'm thinking of quitting my job here as a tour guide and I'll go work at Planet Express with you! Plus, I'd be a good replacement if your friend don't make it!
Bender: For the last time, NO!!!! Gosh you're annoying! You're like 500 Dr. Zoidbergs put together!
Tuckerbot: Okay, man! Okay! Let's move on to our next mission. By the way, who's Dr. Zoidberg?
Bender: You don't want to know.
Tuckerbot: I loved that Kingsford move you pulled! That was whack!
Bender and Tuckerbot go through a door to see what challenge awaits them.
The EndChapter Nine:
Bender and Tuckerbot go through a door, only to have a bunch of pitchforks rain on them. Bender does acrobatic manuvers to avoid them. Then a life sized boulder comes before them and Bender blasts it with his laser pointer. Out comes the third and final crystal that Bender grabs.
Tuckerbot: Cool beans, dude! You got the final crystal!
Bender: Yes! Did it! Fanny come to papa!
Robot Devil (walking in): And it all comes down to this......
Tuckerbot: Damn! Why do evil villains always say that?
Robot Devil: You like gambling, right Bender?
Bender: Love every minute of it!
Robot Devil: Little do you realize that I have just taken a gamble out of you!
Bender: What'chu talkin' about Devil?
Fanny (opening a curtain): He's talking about this........
Fanny opens a curtain and it reveals Fry shackled to a rocketship about to be launched!
Robot Devil: Looks like you're going to lose your job at Planet Express after all! (takes the crystals away from Bender)
Fanny takes the crystals and puts them into the remote control to the rocketship Fry was on!
Fry: Bender, help me!
Bender: How dare you! Nobody messes with Bender and gets away with it!
Fanny presses the button on the remote and the rocket ship is on the verge of launching.
Robot Devil: I'm going to give you a choice, Bender! Fanny or Fry?
Fanny: We had to collect the crystals so you can help us rid of your friend!
Bender: Fanny! I thought you loved me! You said I was the only evil robot for you!
Robot Devil: Looks can be deceiving! As you know, she really loves me!
Bender: The hell she does!
Just then the Robot Devil and Bender get into an intense fight. They hit, kick, wrestle, and box each other simutanetiously. Fry watches helplessly as Tuckerbot races to stop the rocket ship.
Fry: Bender! Help! Save me Bender!
Bender and the Robot Devil were still fighting as Fanny cheers them on. Tuckerbot breaks the remote control to the rocket ship and stops the rocket from going up but it's still activated. Bender is about to win the fight until the Robot Devil pushes him into a fire pit.
Bender (struggling to get up from the fire pit): You son of a bitch!
Robot Devil: Isn't this irony, Bender? While you're going down, you get to watch your friend Fry go up!
Tuckerbot takes out the crystals to the remote control and the rocket ship stops all together.
Tuckerbot: I don't think so, pal!
Bender: You put me through literal hell! You stole my girlfriend, you kidnapped Fry, you made go through obstacles and collect crystals just so you can torture me!
Robot Devil: This is Robot Hell, what do you expect?
Bender: For almost making me lose my job, (grabs the Robot Devil by the ankle) You're coming with me!!!!!
Bender throws the Robot Devil up into the air until he lands on a wall.
Fanny (helping Bender out of he pit): Oh, Bender! You impressed me! I pick you after all!
Bender: Oh, Fanny! (getting down on his knee) I have been through get lengths to be with you.
Fry: What about me?
Bender: In due time, skinny! What do you say? We'll be together for all eternity! We'll be egotistical narssasists together. We'll rule the world and kill all humans! Will you be mine?
Fanny: I loved what you did for me. But kill all humans? (laughs) That's silly! You may be evil, but not that evil! Besides, my heart belongs to the devil!
Fanny and the Robot Devil walk off together.
Robot Devil: Tough break, kid! (laughs evilly)
Bender: NNNNOOOO!!!!!! FAAAAAANNNNNNYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
Tuckerbot: That's the thing about women! You do everything for them and they end up spitting in your face.
Bender: What will I do now?
Tuckerbot: Here's an idea. How about you go untie your friend?
Tuckerbot walks off while Bender comes to Fry's rescue.
Fry: Bender, all you need to do is pull down that lever.
Bender: In the words of Sam and Dave: Hold on, I'm coming!
Bender pulls down the lever and Fry falls from the rocket ship. Bender walks up to Fry.
Fry: I'm still chained. These things retract to your body heat.
Bender: You looked like a hood ornament up there, scrawny! (gets out a water bottle from his chest) Here's what conducts body heat! Water!
Bender pours water all over Fry's wrist and ankle shackles until they clicked open. Bender removed the shackles and took off the cloak on Fry's head and loosen the belt on his upper thighs.
Bender: I went through all of this for nothing!
Fry: At least you get to keep your job!
Bender: Yeah, whatever.
Fry: Carry me please? (extending his arms)
Bender carried Fry to the exit which was on the roof.
Bender: What do you say we get the hell out of hell!
Fry (laughs): Damn straight!
Fry and Bender were on the roof.
Bender: Don't mind carrying you, it's not like you're 500 pounds! I guess neither of us are fit for love. From now on, I'm sticking with hookerbots!
Fry: Not me! I'm still holding onto hope Leela will fall for me.
Bender: Oh, humans! You piss me off with your naivete! I went through all this for nothing!
Fry: There was a reason to do it.....
Bender: What was it?
Fry: For me.
Bender slides down a pole still carrying Fry and into their hovercycle they go. Bender gets in and straps Fry into the passenger seat again.
Bender: Ready to go back to Planet Express?
Fry: Yes! I'm sick of New Jersey! I much prefer New New York! Oh, by the way, why did you drag me along to meet Fanny?
Bender: Well, Fry, Dr. House always drags Wilson along on his affairs. Just wanted some moral support.
Fry: Oh, okay. If anyone is dominating my life, I'm glad it's you!
Bender (starts up hovercycle): Yeah, yeah, yeah! Stop nagging me! Ready? Get set.......GO!!!!! BENDER IS GREAT!!!!!
Bender starts up his hovercycle with Fry in tow as they both sail down the street into the sunset.
Pete wakes in a psychiatric hospital and Patrick is his doctor... what's going on?
In: Fall Out Boy
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