Fanfic: The Amazing Invisible Stan!That's right! I'm back with another AD fanfic!
The Amazing Invisible Stan!
by Trenton Sands
Opening Credits Scene:
Roger's disguise: Scarface
On a Tour of Duty in Afghanistan, Stan, Bullock, and Jackson were running out of a flea market getting chased by Terrorists.
Terrorists: Infidels! Infidels!
Bullock: These Afghans show no mercy!
Stan: I'll throw a hand grenade at them!
Jackson: Go for it!
Stan throws the hand grenade and the Terrorist blow up!
Stan: Yeah! Yeah! Let's hear it for the USA!!!
Bullock (points to a building): Quick! In here!
Stan, Bullock and Jackson enter the building. They see a laboratory and a tractor beam.
Bullock: I didn't think Afghans can have all this.....
Stan: This looks like the set of Young Frankenstein!
Jackson: Someone's coming.
An Arab looking man in a lab coat comes into the room with a potion and sets it down on the table next to the tractor beam. The man is named Dr. Mahmoody.
Mahmoody: Greetings, infidels! Welcome to my laboratory lair! I am Dr. Ali Mahmoody!
Stan (aims his gun at him): Reach for the sky, you son of a bitch!
Bullock: What is your plan?
Mahmoody: This is my tractor beam. I have it aimed at America!
Stan: We're not going to let you blow up the greatest country in the world!
Jackson: What do you plan to do?
Mahmoody: Since you guys work for Washington, I'm going to aim this tractor beam at America and hold the country captive for....................A million sheckles!
Stan, Bullock, and Jackson burst out laughing.
Jackson: Dude! Is this guy serious?
Stan: I know! He's like a Middle Eastern Dr. Evil!
Mahmoody: You don't think I'm serious! I'm Yahoo Serious!
Stan, Bullock, and Jackson laugh again!
Bullock: He was a one-shot actor!
Mahmoody (activates the tractor beam): Okay, Americanskis! You asked for it!
The tractor beam blows up the laboratory and the potion lands on Stan making him invisible.
Out of the rubble, Bullock and Jackson come out. Stan comes out, too, but is invisible.
Bullock: Where's Smith?
Jackson: He must've got killed in the explosion.
Bullock: Better go home and tell the news to his family.
Bullock and Jackson go on the CIA plane. Stan runs to the plane.
Stan: Wait! I'm still alive! Come back! I'm invisible! (Stan gets on the plane.)
Bullock arrives at the Smith house to deliver the bad news.
Francine (answering the door): Bullock? What brings you here.
Bullock: We're here to regretfully inform you that your husband was killed in the Line of Duty.
Francine (sobbing): NO!!!!! I'm a widow! Kids!
Hayley comes to comfort Francine. Steve is in his bedroom playing video games with his friends.
Steve: Ever noticed in those Olsen twin movies, they never have a mother?
Snot: I know! What is with that? They always have some goofy asshole father!
Barry: My mom likes to give me enemas!
Toshi: (In Japanese): We did not need to know that.
Francine comes into Steve's room and his friends leave
Snot: Looks like you're busted, Steve!
Barry: See you in a month!
Francine: Steve. Your father has been killed in Afghanistan.
Steve: What? No! Dad is not dead! He's still alive.
Stan (outside the house): I am still alive! If there was only some goddamned way to prove it!
Hayley: You have to accept it!
Roger: What? Stan's dead? Good time to use that new dimmer switch I've been wanted to build!
Hayley: Roger! Don't you care about anybody but yourself?
Francine: I agree! You're a narcissist!
Roger: Well, what about you, Hayley! You should be happy Stan is dead! You both used to clash politically!
Hayley: He was still my father!
Everyone expect Roger cries.
Later that day, Steve is in bed and he hears Stan's voice.
Stan: Steve! I'm in your room!
Steve: Dad! I knew you weren't dead!
Stan: I'm not! I'm invisible! A potion landed on me that was made by a mad scientist.
Steve: I refused to believe you were dead! Can I tell the others?
Stan: Yes you can!
Stan and Steve walk down the stairs. Roger and Klaus heard it all.
Klaus: Zo! Stan is invisible now?
Roger: Hmmm, never heard you say, 'Zo' before. Do you know what this means, Klaus?
Roger: He can't see or hear us! I can get away with anything!
Klaus: Don't count on it!
Scenes 4-6Scene 4:
The next day, Steve announces Stan is still alive.
Steve: Mom! Mom! Dad is still alive and I can prove it!
Francine: Oh, honey! I know you're in denial, and.....
Stan: He's right! I'm here!
Francine: That's his voice! Or is this wishful thinking? Am I suffering from schizonophria?
Stan: Right behind you, beautiful!
Francine: I can hear you but not see you. Is this some kind of Haley Joel Osment Sixth Sense thing?
Stan: No, I'm invisible!
Hayley: You're still alive, Dad? How come we can't see you?
Steve: Dad told me a mad scientist spilled some invisibility potion on him.
Francine: Then it's true! You're alive!
Hayley: Daddy! I'm so happy you're alive!
Stan: I am alive! But I don't know how long I'll be invisible. Steve, phone the CIA and tell them to fix up some antidote!
Steve: On it! (leaves living room)
Stan: What do you say we go upstairs and make love?
Francine: I'd love that! It would be like having sex with an imaginary friend!
Hayley: I'm going to tell Roger the good news!
Stan and Francine go to their bedroom while Hayley goes to check on Roger.
Roger is in the garage building a magnetic bomb which was on a stand. Hayley sees him.
Hayley: Roger?! What the hell is all of this?
Roger: This is a bomb I'm building to get Klaus! I got this idea from watching The Incredible Mr. Limpet last night!
Hayley: Fine. How does it work?
Roger turns on his cellphone and his ringtone was Klaus's voice saying "Nein". And Roger walks around with the cellphone in his hands and the bomb is following the sound of the cellphone.
Hayley: What is this supposed to accomplish?
Roger: This bomb responds to the sound of Klaus's voice. And once it hits him, (puts the cellphone up to the bomb), BAM!!! KPUT!!!!
Hayley: (walking away) You're insane Roger!
Roger: Now it's time to check it out! Oh, Klaus!
Klaus (walks into the garage): Yes?
Roger: How do you sing your national anthem?
Klaus: Like this (singing): Deutschland! Deutschland......
The bomb comes towards Klaus! And Klaus is saved at the last minute by an unseen force and parts of the garage explode!
Roger: Yes! I got him! (realizes Klaus is still alive) Dammit! Son of the bitch! What am I? Wile E. Coyote?
Then debris from the bomb lands on Roger's face.
Roger (in a black person's voice): Welp, back to the drawin' boawd!
The next day, Roger has another plan to kill Klaus. He's in the backyard and has a stray pitbull in a cage. Steve comes to see what he's doing. Roger is dressed as Safety Protection Man.
Steve: What's going on, Roger?
Roger: Like the costume?
Steve: Who are you supposed to be, Super Dave Osbourne?
Roger: No, I'm Safety Protection Man from Kentucky Fried Movie.
Steve: Never seen it.
Roger: Get Klaus.
Steve: Oh, Klaus! Roger wants you.
Klaus: Guten Tag! What do you want now?
Roger: Klaus, I think you're a goddamn beep son of a bitch, asshole person!
Klaus: Why, I'll holocaust you for this!
Roger (running away): Try and get my first!
Klaus (chasing Roger): I will! I used to be a skiier, you know!
Roger: Steve! Release the pitbull.
Steve releases the pitbull from the cage and it chases both Roger and Klaus!
Klaus (singing nervously) Who let the dogs out! Who! Who! Who! Who! Who let the dogs out! Who! Who! Who! Who!
Just when the pitbull is about to get Klaus, an unseeable force pushes the pitbull away and saves Klaus. Then the pitbull attacks Roger.
Roger: Get it off me! Get it off me! Get it off me! HELP!!!! Why are all my plans to kill Klaus going awry? You can't do this to me! I'm Safety Protection Man!
Steve: Got what he deserved, I guess.......
Stay tuned for more tommorow!
Scenes 7-9Scene 7:
The next day Klaus is in the middle of the street trying to run away from Roger who is on a steamroller. Roger is listening to The Offspring's Self Esteem on the radio and singing to the tune of the song. Roger is dressed like the contruction worker from The Village People.
Roger (singing): I am going to kill that Klaus! Gonna make him pay for what he has done! Klaus will make some great roadkill! That is why I'm going to kick his ass! He's going to be delicious! That's why he's going straight into my frying pan! Oh, way, oh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Then the steamroller stops and the music does, too.
Roger: What the beep is this all about?
Stan: ROGER!!!! Come out of there, now!
Roger comes out of the steamroller.
Stan: Why are you trying to kill Klaus?
Roger: Because he's made me life a living hell! Playing tricks on me and stuff. Besides, you're invisible! I thought you couldn't see or hear me! And why did you turn off my Offspring album? That was the best album of 1994! I was even in their Self-Esteem video! I was one of those kids who threw the eggs!
Stan: I don't want to hear about you being in some rock video! Besides, just because I'm invisible you think I'm like Helen Keller? (shows Roger some blueprints and pictures) Look at all the beep you're doing I found in the attic. Contraptions to kill Klaus! This is violent! Don't you know it's a sign of a sociopath to try to kill an animal?
Roger: You're a conservative! You're supposed to love violence! Besides, you hunt deer, so I guess you're the sociopath! You and Sarah Palin! She guts deer!
Stan: Hunting is different! Look at all these pictures: "Grilled-a-Klaus-a-Fish!" "Klaus A'la Mode" "Klaus gets lasered"! "Klaus heist in Langley Falls?"!
Klaus runs back into the house and Francine comes running out.
Francine: Stan! Good news!
Stan: What is it, Francine?
Francine: The CIA just came up with an antidote for your invisibility!
Francine: And some bad news. Terrorists from Afghanistan are holding the CIA hostage.
Stan: Guess what, Roger? I'm putting a stop to your fun and you're going to help me save the CIA!
Roger: What would you like me to do.
Stan (hands him a costume): Put on this Falafal costume.
Roger: Can I be that Peanut Butter Jelly time banana, instead?
Meanwhile at the CIA, Bullock, Jackson, and Dick were all being held hostage by terrorists.
Bullock: What do you want you bloody terrorists?
Terrorist #1: Revenge! You killed our leader!
Jackson: What leader?
Terrorist #2: Dr. Mahmoody! You blew him up!
Stan drives the SUV to the CIA office.
Stan: Okay, Roger. Here's the plan. You go in there and scare away the terrorists, then I'm going to do the voice.
Roger: I'm dressed as a Falafal. They'll probably think I'm delicious!
Stan: Trust me, Roger!
Stan and Roger climb the building and he sends Roger through an air duct.
Roger: Hmmm, I feel like I'm in that movie Airheads. Or maybe Die Hard.
Roger manages to find the CIA office where the terrorists are and gets out of the air duct.
Terrorist #1: Who are you?
Roger runs around the office and frees Bullock, Jackson, and Dick.
Stan: Booooooooo! I am the great Falafal spirit!
Terrorist #2 (scared): Ahhhh! What do you want?
Stan: If you don't give into my demands, you will obey me instead of Allah!
Terrorist #2: No! Not that!
Stan: First, I want you to send the prisoners home!
Terrorist #1: Okay, you're all free to go home.
Bullock, Dick, and Jackson run out the CIA building.
Stan: Then I want to say America this is greatest country in the world!
Terrorist #1 & #2: American is the greatest country in the world!
Stan: Now I want you to go back to your country and make it be a democracy!
Terrorist #1: Okay, Great Falafal spirit!
Terrorist #2: Your wish is our command!
Stan: And another thing....
Terrorist #1: What is it?
Stan: Leave America alone! Other countries I don't care about, but leave America alone! No more attacks!
Terrorist #2: Let's get the beep out of here!
The two Terrorists run out of the building and Stan shoots them to injure them. Bullock arrests them.
Bullock: We have a nice cell waiting for you both at Gitmo!
Stan: Yes, and some good Christina Agulura music and other forms of torture!
The Terrorists were being lead away. Bullock gives Stan the antidote.
Bullock: Well done, Mr. Smith! I don't know how you do it!
Dick: You saved our asses!
Jackson: The CIA will be forever grateful to you!
Bullock gives Stan the antidote and Stan reappears.
Stan: I'm back! I'm back to normal!
Roger (sneaking back to the van): Guess my days of trying to get away with killing Klaus are over......or maybe not.
Scene 9 Conclusion:
Back at the Smith house, Stan was telling them about their adventure.
Stan: I had Roger run around in a Falafal costume and I made them admit America is great!
Francine: Oh, Stan! You impress me with your heroics!
Steve: Awesome job, Dad!
Hayley: Did you really send them to Gitmo?
Stan: They're there right now!
Hayley: You could have at least given them a right to a fair trial!
Stan: They don't deserve it!
Steve: Yeah, you got that right, Dad!
Francine (laughs): I'm just glad everything is back to normal and you're visible again! Though sex with you invisible was fun.
Stan (laughs): Oh, Francine. Hey, wait? Where's Roger?
Roger was in the backyard putting Klaus in a gullotine.
Klaus: Get me out of here? What is the meaning of this?
Roger: Klaus, for making my life a living hell, and for playing tricks on me, you are sentenced to be filleted!
Roger was about to decapitate Klaus and Stan stops him at the last minute!
Stan: Still at it again, aren't you?
Roger: I'm a non-conformist Stan. I don't follow rules for anyone. Don't you get that about me by now?
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