American Dad fanfic: Fishburger Time!There really should be a section here for American Dad!
Opening Credits Scene:
Roger's disguise: Bing Cooper.
Everyone is Stan's neighborhood was at Al Tuttle's rummage sale. Everyone from Greg and Terry, Snot, Barry, and Toshi and their families. Chuck White and his family sans Betsy was there as was Principal Lewis. Jeff and Hayley were on another vacation.
Al Tuttle: Thank you all for coming! I'm selling my stuff because I'm in debt with loan sharks!
Stan: Rummage sale! It doesn't get any more American than this!
Roger (bursts out laughing): You sound like to Old Milwaukee commercials circa 1985!
Stan: Roger, get off my ass and go beep yourself!
Steve joins Roger as he walks away.
Francine: Stay where mommy can see you, sweetie.
Stan (grabbing Francine by her dress collar): Stop babying him. You're going to emasculate him.
Francine: Okay. (Stan lets her go.)
Meanwhile, Steve, Roger, and Klaus find an old video game system.
Klaus: Oh, mein gosh, is that an Intellevision?
Roger: Sure is! It's got Night Stalker, Shark Shark, Buzz Bombers, Baseball, Tennis, Snafu, Thunder Castle, and gasp my all time favorite, BurgerTime!
Steve: That looks ancient compared to the games I play.
Roger: Intellevision puts XBOX to shame, Steve.
Steve: Why don't you show me how it works?
Eventually Roger buys the Intellevision and The Smiths go back home.
Roger hooks up the Intellevision in Hayley's room and also has a teleportation device next to it from his spaceship.
Roger: Luckily for us, Hayley and Jeff are on another one of their escapades!
Steve: Can't wait to show my friends this. What games are we going to play?
Roger: Why, BurgerTime of course! Instead of a Drug Dealer, a hedgehog, a bandicoot, or an obese Italian plumber, you play as a chef called Peter Pepper.
Steve: Awesome! Klaus should see this. Oh, Klaus!
Klaus (walks in): Ja?
Roger carries Klaus to the teleportation device and puts him inside.
Klaus: What is this? Are you going to put my body inside another worthless animal?
Roger: This is a teleportation device from my spaceship! As Phil Collins would say,'Turn It On'! Steve, that's your cue! Now, to play some _real_ video games!
Steve turns on the Intellevision and Roger pulls a lever and Klaus disappears.
Roger: Hasta La Vista! Asshole!
Klaus: Nein, Shyster!
Steve: Did he just say the S-Word in German?
Stan and Francine walked into a house and were having an arguement.
Stan: No, Francine! The worst movie of 1996 was that crappy remake of The Island of Dr. Moreau!
Francine: The Spitfire Grill!
Stan: One Fine Day!
Francine: The English Patient!
Stan: The Stupids!
Francine: Independence Day!
Stan: The Birdcage!
Stan: Joe's Apartment!
Francine: Down Parascope!
Stan: Beavis and Butt-head Do America! How those idiots got their own movie, I'll never know!
Francine: I agree with that. Why can't our show have a movie?
Meanwhile upstairs Roger was happily torturing Klaus by trapping him in BurgerTime.
Klaus: What am I doing here? I'm being chased by hot dogs and eggs!
Roger: You're Peter Pepper, Klaus!
Steve: Make him lose!
Klaus: What are you doing?
Roger makes Klaus walk into a hot dog.
Klaus: Nein! (Klaus 'dies').
Roger and Steve laugh.
Steve: That's hilarious!
Roger: The name of the game is Fishburger Time!
Back in the living room, Stan and Francine were watching the local news.
Stan: Our daily ritual of watching the gay news team! Kind of like you with your Oil of Olay!
Francine: Stop it, Stan.
Greg: It's been 20 years since German Olympic skiier Klaus Heisler disappeared.
Terry: Whatever happened to him, we'll never know.
Greg: I would die if Libby went missing.
Terry: Know what you mean, honey. We'd be so hysterical we'd cry our eyes out!
Stan and Francine watched in shock and awe and at the CIA building, Bullock and his men were watching the newscast, too.
Bullock: Gentlemen, it's been indeed 20 years since we kidnapped Klaus Heisler and put his body in a fish.
Jackson: Are we going to find him?
Bullock: Yes, we're going to search......
Chinese Spy: I'll help you find him if you give me launch codes.......
Bullock: Not _YOU_ again! (pulls out a gun).
The Chinese Spy gets shot by Bullock.
Dick: Do you have any suspects?
Bullock: We believe he's in the vicinity where Stan Smith lives. Once we find whoever has him, he'll do twenty years in prison. Why you ask? Because the last person in the room, was supposed to have thrown him in the ocean......
Voice: I'll help you find him.
Bullock: Who said that?
The voice was Turlington.
Turlington: Ron Turlington! Missing persons!
Bullock: You're hired!
Here's some more!Scene 4:
Roger and Steve were still playing BurgerTime with Klaus inside.
Roger: You're at the third level Klaus!
Klaus: What are those green flippy things?
Steve: They're called Pickle Buddies.
Roger: Actually, they're condoms.
Klaus (getting chased by the pickles): I need pepper! Yipe! Help! Schnell!
Steve: Get him killed again!
Roger: Yes, boss!
Roger makes Klaus run into a pickle buddy and Klaus 'dies'.
Roger: He's stuck in a green condom!
Steve: This is the most fun I've ever had! Let's try night stalker next.
Roger: Nah, I prefer this game.
In the living room, Stan was fretting.
Francine: It's not like you to panic.
Stan: I'm not beep panicking, dammit!
Francine: What's the worst that can happen if the CIA found out you were harboring Klaus? Roger, I understand......
Stan: I wish Roger and Klaus had never come into our lives. All they do is cause us trouble and rule our lives.
Francine: You don't mean that. Sure, they can be a burden and Klaus sexually harrasses me.....
Stan (breathes deeply): Okay, I'll tell you. When the CIA put his body into a fish, Bullock asked me the throw him in the ocean. And once they left I took Klaus. He also told me if any one of us took him, he/she would send 20 years in prison.
Francine: Okay, I understand. Believe me, you don't want to go to prison. Been there, done that.
Stan: Better go warn Roger and Steve.
Turlington was going from house to house asking if they had seem Klaus. Greg and Terry said no. Al Tuttle said no, Sergei said no, Buckle and Shari said no as did the families of Barry, Snot, and Toshi. Then Prinicipal Lewis drives by in his car and Turlington stops him.
Prinicipal Lewis: Yes, what seems to be the problem?
Turlington (shows picture of Klaus): Have you seen this fish?
Prinicipal Lewis (screams and drives away).
Then Turlington goes to his final suspect, Stan Smith!
Back at the Smith house, Stan runs into Hayley's room.
Stan: Steve! Roger! Quick! Where's Klaus?
Roger: We trapped him in a video game.
Steve: It's called BurgerTime!
Stan (laughs): Loved that game. It was an 80's classic.
Klaus: Stan! Help! Roger's making me get chased by hot dogs, eggs, and pickles!
Stan: Keep out running those pickles, Klaus! Listen if someone comes around asking for Klaus, deny it, okay?
Roger: What for?
Stan: JUST DO IT!
The screen freezes.
VO: Nike! To encourage those to Just Do It!
Turlington comes to the Smith house and Francine answers the door.
Francine (screams): Ahhhh! I mean, Ahhh-lo!
Turlington: The CIA hired me to look for Klaus Heisler!
Stan: Never heard of him.
Turlington: Bullbeep! I've always known there was something suspicious about your family. First it was the parking meters, then it was the Chimdale spa, and after that was the Trans Fats.....
Steve was upstairs listening and goes to warn Roger.
Turlington: How about I sit here until one of you confesses?
Francine: No, that won't be necessary.
Turlington (sits on couch): How about I sit here? Sit a spell. Take my shoes off. (holds a piece of gum) How about a piece of gum? Juicy Fruit!
Stan (runs upstairs): I got to go to the bathroom! I have IBS!
Stan runs into Hayley's room and tries to warn Roger and Steve.
Roger: Don't worry Stan, I have a plan.
Stan: What is your plan?
Roger: Here's the cheese, we need to distract Turlington.
Steve: I'll keep playing BurgerTime.
Klaus: Can I get out of here now? (runs into hot dog) Nein!
Stan: What's your big plan, Roger?
Roger: Not going to find out standing here. (plays accordian): Move your ass, already!
And with that, Stan and Roger climb out the window.
Here's the endScene 7:
Turlington was sitting on the couch and Francine was cowering.
Turlington: Damn, forgot my glasses.
As Turlington walked out to his car, he hears a horn and sees a fish cart with a pile of fish and an oversized goldfish hanging from the side.
Roger (singing): FRESH FISH! (blows horn) CAUGHT IN THE OCEAN THIS MORNING!
The Fish Cart rides away with Turlington is hot prusuit.
Stan: Can I get out of this fish pile now? Feel like I'm in that movie Stakeout!
Roger: Turlington is chasing us, I'll let you know when you can get out.
Turlington was still chasing the Fish Cart. The chase goes on as so until they reach a cliff full of bushes.
Roger: Okay, on the count of three we jump out.......one.......two.......three!
Stan and Roger both jump out of the Fish Cart and into the bushes. The Fish Cart falls off the cliff and into the ocean as does Turlington!
Turlington: Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh, BEEP
Stan: Yes, we did it! That plan was genius, Roger!
Roger: Ahhhh, it was nothing. Lived in Naples Italy for a year. There's where I get the idea for the Fish Cart.
Stan: Better take a shower when I get home. I'm starting to smell like fish beep.
The CIA is on the scene, and Bullock comes out of his car.
Bullock: Smith! What is going on here?
Stan: I found Klaus Heissler, sir. Look.
Bullock and Stan looked down at the ocean from top of the cliff. All that's there was the dead oversized goldfish.
Stan: I did release him into the ocean.
Bullock: Guess you did. Sorry I suspected you, Smith. You're off the hook. (goes back to his car and drives away).
Roger (hiding in the bushes): Can I come out now?
Stan: Yes, it's safe.
Roger: So, what do you say we go home and play some BurgerTime?
Stan: I'd love to!
Scene 9 Conclusion:
Stan, Roger, and Steve were all in Hayley's room playing BurgerTime with Klaus still inside.
Klaus: Please! Get me out of here! (runs into egg) Nein!
Stan, Roger, and Steve laugh.
Back at the cliff, out come Turlington swimming out of the ocean.
Turlington: I'm going to get my revenge on that Stan Smith!
Then Turlington hears Stan and Roger over his radio.
Roger: We sure showed that Turlington, didn't we?
Stan: You bet we did! Oh, look! I'm up to the tenth level!
Roger: Yeah, I'll beat you and go to the fifteenth!
Steve: Maybe one of you can get to the Burger Master level!
Roger: We should trap Turlington in this game!
Stan, Roger, and Steve laugh and once Turlington hears that, he goes into a screaming frenzy and starts throwing things around.
Turlington: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!! AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
*Frerard smutt* One shot. Gerard's such a kinky little thing... Frank loves it.
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