Review for Rise Up to Your Fate

Rise Up to Your Fate

(#) wolff 2006-07-03 10:52:26 PM

"Dumbledore wasn't sure of exactly when, just knew that he did."

This sentence doesn't work. At all. The "just knew that he did" doesn't fit with the sentence before, and I don't really have any suggestions for a change. I don't think it's a critical enough sentence that you can't just delete it and move on.

" and a pair of well worn converse sneakers." Converse should be capitalized, since it is a brand name.

""Oh good, I here Hogwarts food is some of the best."" I think the word you wanted was "hear". "Here" is a place, to "hear" is to listen. Homophones catch a lot of people up.

" black dragon hide wand holster on his left fore arm" forearm is one word.

All in all, not a bad start for a story. I look forward to reading more.

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