Review for Teenagers (2022)

Teenagers (2022)

(#) Jinxeh 2007-12-01 03:14:30 PM

Not a bad story. If I might offer some constructive criticism, though?

Watch your spelling and grammar - unlike a lot of stories in this fandom, this fic is actually decently well-written, but there were still a few spelling and grammar issues here and there. ;)

I'm a little dissapointed that you didn't really feel the need to follow through with canon pairings (Gee/Lyn-Z, Frank/Jamia, Ray/Christa, Bob/Whoever-that-dark-haired-girl-is-that-is-in-the-pictures-and-is-really-cute, and for that matter, we don't even have comfirmation that Mikey is with Alicia in this story) but I understand that not everyone is as into the canon stuff as I am, so each to his/her own. But I would like to warn you that introducing SO MANY OCs (the wives, and their kids) isn't very wise; your readers don't know them nearly as well as you do, therefore it's very confusing to try and remember who is who, what kids go with what MCR father, which wife is with which man.

The cancer thing was also a bit much. Yes, I understand, the third album, cancer...but three members of the same band getting cancer, and getting completely better? Still a bit much, and very unlikely.

Break up the paragraphs a little bit. The human eye is naturally lazy, so when we see those huge block paragraphs o' doom, we instantly think 'ugh', and just skim-read it until it's over.

You are a good writer, you just need a little work, like any writer does. I am looking forward to another chapter, though; I always was a sucker for stories with MCR's kids. :p

Author's response

Thanks for the ensite jinxeh I'll be sure to do what I can for the story. As of right now I have an Idea for another chapter but until I get the mess cleared up in my head I'll be sure to write til my hand falls off.

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