I went back and re-read the story, for the twelfth time. it's starting to make sense to me now. I can see what I was objecting to, but the fast pace is nessecary to show the dreamlike mental case insanity of it all. what I meant was that the jumps between different scenes were too quick to follow through, it moved from Kakashi to OrochimaruasSasuke back to Kakashi etc. really fast. if you skim the story you'll literally die from reading it. I must have been tired and skimming, rather than readin the story the first couple of times.
Also, I wanted to ask a favor of you.
Would you beta the last chapter of Forbidden darkness for me? I'm still thinking about which version I want to use.
Author's response
Sure, I'll beta it for you, but it can't be a regular thing. I just don't have the time - I already beta for two people (hpfan23 and Marilena on FFNet) on top of everything else. Anyway, my email is raharu436@yahoo.com