**Honestly the story would be good if you:
Proof read,
Used more vivid vocabulary,
Used a dictionary,
Made the plot less hurried
You have everything happening to fast.
It's good story line it's just not being written well.
Also give us readers a more detail about the setting and characters...it makes the story more enjoyable and allows us to picture it in our heads more vividly.
Well good luck in the future I hope my review has helped. **