Review for Motorcycle

Motorcycle

(#) jump_jives 2008-07-05 08:07:37 PM

This was a very well developed chapter. I like how your including information from the final book without it actually following the final book. As I mentioned in my review of the last chapter, I like the way the relationship is evolving without seeming forced. Obviously there are no love potions involved in this relationship.

In summation, this is a really good, relaxed story and I have been enjoying it greatly. Keep up the good work.

Couple minor fixes to do if you ever reposet or post it somewhere else:

“Mummy?” Harry said causing heroine to stop the replay...

Hermione may be addictive to some, but I can't seem to imagine shooting up with her. :)

“Loot at Peter he’s as close to the door as possible.”

Should be look. ( acouple of jokes came to mind for this but they all sucked so I'm not going to make them).

...giving Hermione just enough time to warp Harry in her arms...

I would have expected Harry to feel anything but bent in Hermione's arms, in fact, the term straight as a board comes to mind (though obviously not in this situation). I believe you were going for wrap.


Author's response

I do appreciate you pointing out my errors. I'm on my own writing/reviewing/and fixing what I find wrong.
That is one reason for the time between updates.

Knowing what is slipping through improves my reviewing/error checking.

Thanks for all your reviews

Scruffy

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