(#) canustakemyheart 2009-05-23 12:25:26 AM
Obviously you're a really passionate person and it's clear to me now that you're not out to hurt anyone and just want spread the good vibes. After reading this is sounds like you've been through some shit in life and you found a way through it through creativity, music, and your religion. That's cool, more power to you. I personally don't believe that "god" is speaking to us through Gerard Way, but hey, everyone's entitled to believe what they want, right?
And if I'm going to continue to be honest here I have to say that I didn't make it the whole way through one of your videos (it was the one about that one fic by browser18). In a way, I admire that you can put yourself out there like you do and just be yourself without giving a fuck, but to say that I didn't think for a few seconds, whoa, this guy's creeping me out in a way, I'd be lying. I thought, you're one of the "crazy" fans. This was after you left a response to a review I left you on that one baby fic you wrote. Sometimes I don't know why I read certain stuff but in the middle of the night I sometimes do, but that's beside the point. In that response and in the other ones from that story you mentioned you were going to give that fic to Mikey. If I were him, I'd be a little creeped out by some dude I didn't know who wrote up intimate details about his bro and his wife having a baby and then thought it was something I'd want to read. If someone sent me something like that I would feel really weird and uncomfortable about it.
There was a point to saying that and hopefully you didn't take that the wrong way because if you did, then you would be "pot" and I would be "kettle" since obviously I have written fic (and I'll get to discussing that in a moment, but first ...). Anyway, what I'm trying to illustrate here is WHY people like your "friend" say the things they do. It really seems that sometimes fans don't seem to think some of their actions through - and this can be said for all "types" (yes, there's types) of fans. Your friend didn't really think through what she said (btw I've heard G wrote fanfiction at one point. I guess homegirl doesn't know him that well after all.) and claims to be a fan. Then there's that other end of the spectrum like 16 year old girls who've thought it was a-ok to grab a handful of G and totally invade his personal space and still call themselves a fan. I don't want to delve too deep into all that or I'll totally digress, so back to the fan fiction. Fan fiction is for the FANS. I think Frank even said that once. The people being written about are of course aware of it and if they're cool about it, like MCR, they encourage people to be creative. I'm sure there have been some jokes about "Ferard", but for the most part, it's all seen as a way for fans to have a creative outlet. The guys actually reading it though? Beyond the narcissism of that lies the simple question of, "why would you want to read about yourself in bizarre situations, paired up sexually with your friends or underage girls, going through a miserable highschool experience, or worse?" Few people would, I'd think. I mean, for the most part, I think the people writing MCR fanfic are teenage girls.
This brings me to another major point and that is getting more to the core of how I personally feel about fan fiction. The first fan fiction I ever wrote I don't think the term had come about yet either. I was writing stories about my favorite comic book characters, then Star Wars and other science fiction. My motivation was simply because my mind was always "on" and after reading a story or seeing a film or tv show I would start to develop my own story angles. One day I just started writing them down. Fan fiction is just "borrowing" pre-made characters and putting them in new situations and stories. Hell most of writing (or the visual arts for that matter) is borrowing and making something your own. Sometimes you keep the characters in their own "universe" and sometimes you use your own. In the case of real life people, you're borrowing their appearance, personality, character traits, etc. Although I'd never written about real people until last summer.
I don't know what the official catalyst was for me to start writing fanfic and "borrowing" MCR - or more specifically Gerard. One day the idea just popped into my head and in order to make myself feel ok about the whole affair I rationalized that the same way G has been able to help people through his music and lyrics, I could potentially do the same thing with his existing fanbase by telling my stories.
Some people may not know the extent of the definition of "my stories" when it comes to the stuff I've put up here. A few out there, that I've allowed to get to know me slightly better, do. When I started writing stuff last summer it was more of a catharsis for me … therapeutic really. The first thing I wrote popped into my head randomly and it was a kinda funny situation that I was certain would at least spark an interest with this fanbase. So I wrote it, surfed the interwebz until I came up on this site, picked an appropriate screen name and went for it. So I admit I wrote some, what I call, "fluff" stories. I fluffed you guys HA! I got you all set to receive some of the more real stories that I put out there.
I'm actually a really private person in real life and in order for me to even do what I was doing no one could know. There's still only one person in real life that does know I've written this particular stuff. Beyond all the fluff stories (and there really are only a few of those) I was sometimes writing about very personal things the likes of which have not been discussed with anyone, ever - the types of things that were slowly burning a hole in my core. Instead of vainly trying to toss another bucket of water on something that would never burn out, I decided to fan the flames, letting them consume me throughout many, many late nights, culminating really on 4 stories (there were 30 all together). I won't get into which ones those are, but it did help me to write those and the other ones that contain personal experiences and I feel like I don't need to ever let those consume me again. I know there are others out there that write for therapy and I think that is awesome.
The existing fanbase thing is a big part though and I believe people like smooshy have already mentioned it (I think she said it quite well in fact). I'm writing something now that I'm going to put up in this section even though it isn't technically fanfic, but I'm not sure people would find it otherwise.
I also believe that as a serious writer, it's very good to push yourself to write things you're uncomfortable with. Comfort zone is something I'm always trying to push past. I think it makes for much more exciting and emotional stories – the kind you don't want to stop reading, or walk away from reading going, "whoa". So I would be the last person to tell someone else NOT to write about something, no matter what it is. Whether I would personally read it, well that is, as they say, another story.
There are some fanfic that I would never read … a shockingly large portion of it as a matter of fact. Part of that is just that I'm a picky mofo, but some of it really is that I think a lot of it poorly written. That's kind of a diskish statement there but when you've written professionally things that look like they were typed out on a qwerty in a 10th grade math class with un-thought-out plots and characters and liberal misuse of terms like there, they're, their and your, you're, you really don't have any interest in reading it. But at least people are trying so I'm not dogging them for that. I just wish they would review/spell check! I'm also not at all interested in reading high school stories or "Ferard" or a number of the other usual topics. I'm not that type of fan I guess. Again, just my personal preference and everyone is entitled to that, right?
Have I lost track of the point again? I might have … you see once I get going it's hard to shut me up sometimes. I think I'll just close this one up since 3 pages in Word is plenty for people to digest as a response.
I've said this many times to many people, you should write for YOU first and the reader second. This might go against what many who are writing professionally might say or what many teachers might tell you, but in the case of creative writing or writing for therapy, I think those are more personal. It's like painting a picture with words. Art is very relative and very personal. I believe writing to be an art. Artists take a lot of shit from people, but it's in their very souls to create and no one, not even the artist himself can extinguish that (not even in death … because art lives on). So although some may give you slack for what you create, you persevere. Comments and criticisms sometimes hurt like a kick in the balls but you live. And most importantly, comments can't take anything away from you – nothing that you've already done or achieved – and they should never prevent you from creating what you love.
And finally, opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.
man, that was honest. and i ain't mad at ya. i'm really not.
on the subject of religion and spirituality, i'm agreeing with you there as well. the church i'm ordained with, the universal life church, which their religions range from atheism to christianity to taoism, states, "we are all children of the same universe." i could not agree more.
i'm just letting you know that if some person comes up to you and says you're going to he;; for not believing in god, that's a damned lie.
i don't know if it's going to happen or not (i'm not even guaranteed, you know?), but i DO know that a person who walks around and says that is stupid as hell.
i agree with everything you said. EVERYTHING.
and i also WHOLE-HEARTEDLY agree with what you said about fanfics being just for the fans.
i mean, who really wants to read about themselves as a pedophile or serial killer or slave driver? i wouldn't want to read about myself like that, either.
bluehh!!! shivers i'd pass that one up. like that old man said in the suddenlink commercial, "no THANK YOU."
on the subject of the whole 'crazy' fan thing, that's nothing new to me. before MCR, i was that 'crazy KISS fan'. at some point, i was 'that crazy writer kid'. i was also 'that crazy fat kid', 'that crazy drawing kid', 'that weird girl' (i looked like a girl back in the days of high school), etc. nowadays, i get either 'weird' or just plain 'crazy'.
what i find funniest about me being called crazy when i'm perfectly sane (for the most part.) i get called crazy for speaking my mind, not backing down, and displaying a lot of emotions people like to hide.
on writing 'gift', i understand you point. it's very valid and hold a lot of truth, especially considering nine times out of ten it ain't go happen that way. (and if it did, my head would pop off. i'd SERIOUSLY be scared shitless, and so would the way family.)
i wrote gift for the fans. not for gee and lindsey or their child. i wanted to pass it along to them because it felt worthy of such. first it popped into my head the moment my eyes snapped open, like god said, "hey! write this! now! it's good!" so i got up and started, then lost interest, then finished it a week and a half later.
i passed 'gift' along to mikey,hopign he'd pass it along to his brother. i wanted gerard to read 'gift' to perhaps give him an idea of what he may or may not experience. this is gerard's frist child, and evern though i don't know the man, i'm knowing he's feeling a jumble of emotions right now, but especially a lot of nervousness. the mother almost always overshadows the father during pregnancy. i wanted to put it out there for others to understand and see how it may or may not feel for a father to go through the birthing process, to see his wife in agony, how he feels about the child coming.
i don't know gerard, but i'm well aware of that fact that gee is experiencing some universal emotions. i'm pretty sure they guy has doubted himself a least once (even though lindsey and the rest of us know gerard is going to be a wonderful father) and has or is feeling some type of fear. we know this happens to the mother, but the father is often portrayed as an extra, a hovering background figure if you will.
this is why i wanted to pass 'gift' on to gerard and lindsey. because i know he's had doubts, he was in shock (in an interview he said he didn't know what to say), and i wanted mr. way to know that if he DOES feel those types of emotions, it's totally normal.
i wrote gift for the fans, but in actuality it really for gerard.
his reaction in that interview just caught my attention so sharply i had to say something.
as for my other stories (meaning the darker, more twisted ones i have in mind an the ones posted) are not intended for them--MCR--to read. i sent mikey the link to 'the skittles adventure', but that was because it was so ridiculously funny iHAD to share it with him. i don't know if he read it or not and i won't be disappointed if he didn't but the fact that he turns into a giant lime skittle is something i simply could NOT keep to myself. i read that story all the time and i can't believe i wrote it. it's seems to funny for me to have written. i feel like someone else wrote it.
rest assure, my upcoming story, "The Birthday Party" is NOT meant to be read by the guys. or their wives. i mean, if they see it, hey, but if they don't, it's probably best if they never do, 'cause it's REALLY fucked up. it's going to be rated
so that's where i am with that. also working on 'Mean Guyz'.
i can see why you thought i was 'creepy' at first. nothing new there. it takes a huge chunk out of me to share my emotions to the world, but i'm willing to make that sacrifice because there's FAR too many people in the world who thinks they're crazy to have those types of emotions.
what's crazy is trying to stay happy all the time. like if a kid comes home from school and says, "mom, dad, i felt sad at school today," i guarantee you befor the week is up that kids going to be walking out of the walgreens pharamacy hopped up on enough anti-depressants that would make a tweaker look calm.
what's crazy is trying to stay happy all the time, being taught to repress all other emotions but happiness, and when you get sad, you go take a bunch of pills to create artificail happiness, go to anger management when you're pissed about something, take cough syrup when you can't sleep, then wonder why you woke up one night in an alley totally spun out and trying to figure out how the fuck you got there in the first place.
what's crazy is when you've just lost a loved one and someone says, "don't cry."
what's crazy is when you've fallen out of the second level of a two-story house, breaking both your arms and your leg in three places, bones protruding everywhich way, and the paramedic says, "it's all right."
what's crazy is in jail, there's a woman who took her methadone and all of a sudden, she's vomiting yellow fluid, crying, seizing, and the other prisoners are calling for help, help, please come help this woman and the stupid fucking rookie deputy (who thinks she's a badass because she's wearing a uniform and just don't know if she went up to a group of black men and tried the same crap she'd be dropped in less than a second) comes over, looks at the woman, and says, "she's okay."
that, my friend, is craziness at it's finest.
that's how i know i'm sane. because i do the opposite of those things. but since you're taught from birth that these things are considered 'normal' and the opposite is 'crazy', then i'm completely fine with the fact i've been called crazy my entire life.
of course, the only time i experience insanity is when i have nothing to stimulate my mind. i have to have books. otherwise, i really DO start to lose my mind.
that's as close to crazy i've ever been, and i dont like it. it's scary when you're losing your mind and you can't stop it.
i agree with everything you said. EVERY DAMNED THING.
the only reason it hurt so much was because it was from a friend. the friend apologized, but it still hurts. there's some irrepairable damage that's been done, but life moves on.
we get about 70 years or so to make meaningful. i've aready used 22. moving on, moving on...
thanks for the comment. seriously. i enjoyed reading yours the most.
if standing up for what i believe in and having to take a few punches in the process, then i'm call me crazy. i'm sold.
i have a more detailed response i'd like to give you, but i'm going to cut it here for now because i want to go back to sleep.
thanks, c! you brought some things to my attention i didn't see before. i love listening to the wrods of a person who's lived linger than i have.
i'm going to read this review all the time.
you're maming me think.
get the fuck out of my head! ^_^
Not a story, just me being angsty.
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