(#) pazed 2010-08-06
This is pretty entertaining so far, if very fast-moving. Hope you have an actual plot in the works.
My picky comment is - please please please put some time into figuring out "who" Vs "whom". The frequent incorrect use of "whom" gets very irritating, I think it's been wrong every time you've used it.
The rest of your writing is rather good, particularly your dialogue; so, apart from hoping you can overcome that one bad habit, I look forward to more of a fun story. Thanks for writing ... p