Review for If I crash on the couch, can I sleep in my clothes?

If I crash on the couch, can I sleep in my clothes?

(#) Kid_Vicous 2011-04-25

So, Frank's got a crazy mum? Well that's going to heat things up. I like how you instilled a little bit of mystery in there by not elaborating too much. Also, I really liked the "He said my lip ring looked cute. And then blushed furiously." That was really sweet and very realistic interplay.

One thing, there's a line at the beggining that says "I didn't know what all his classes were...yet" or something along those lines. First off, dot dot dots are usually used to instill suspense, tension, hesitancy etc. When you put it at the end of a sentence like that it sounds really ominous and makes Gerard sound a little like a creepy stalker. Maybe it's just me because I'm weirdly pedantic like that but it was just something I noticed.

I also saw that you went back and made my corrections. Good going! The other chapters are so much easier to read now. Nice work.

Author's response

I have just realised that Gerard did sound abit creepy there :/ Thank you for pointing that out. I am very tired right now so I am gonna go to bed. I have school in the morning so you should get an update by tomorrow :)