This chapter was good. I really can’t come up with a better adjective right now, too worn out. But I think the word ‘good’ sums it up. It was written well, the tone fit the setting and the description was detailed. The way you flip the scenes to the past and present (or future, however you look at it) is very nice. Adds a type of contrast to it.
I am sorry that you are in a bad place right now. Wish there was something I could do.
That sounds familiar. It happens when you start doing something you enjoy, a hobby of sorts. First it’s personal, something that never sees public eyes. Then you maybe tell one or two people about it and they say it’s amazing. You want to believe them, want to believe that you really did something wonderful. But there’s this pit inside you with a voice telling you it’s a piece of garbage, that it shouldn’t exist. Then somehow you get convinced to let the public see this thing you have created. Everyone tells you that it’s fantastic, they’ve never seen anything better. And yet that voice gets louder, saying you’re awful. That black pit grows and soon feels like it’s only a matter of time before it explodes. Now the thing you once enjoyed so much is something forced. It takes so much effort to produce so little.
This may not be what you are feeling but that is what has happened to many others around me. That’s how they describe it. Writing is ‘supposed’ to be for yourself, something to express your feelings and emotions and whatnot. Once it becomes something other than that and is no longer easy then you should stop and get back to doing it for you. Some people may be upset that you stopped mid-story but I think it’s better to have half of an excellent story then a good beginning and horrible ending. That is just my opinion. You do what you want, but think about what you really want to do and not what others want you to do.
Hope everything becomes better and you get out of that awful place you’re in.