lol - you were right about it being cliche! It works though so no big deal and is very cute (which is exactly what I need right now considering the other story I'm reading involves exorcisism and mass murder!) Looking forward to seeing what else Frank has in mind, and am thinking that this could turn out quite well. Although he is being a bit of a noob - he should just tell Gerard that he wants to date him!
It's generally quite well written, but there are a few grammar mistakes (sorry!). It's nothing major in terms of the actual story, but I have noticed that you tend to skip on capital letters and shit like that. Also, it'd be easier to follow if you did new speaker = new line. Sorry, I'm just being pedantic, but these things bug me!
Great story so far, and can't wait for more!
I'm glad It's going good so far. Sometimes we all need a break from the life in the murder scene. I'm sorry, my attempts at jokes are terrible. He has tons of tricks he's thought off xD
Don't apologize, I appreciate the fact that you're trying to help my writing to improve. I've also noticed my little grammar mistakes and I do apologize for them. I normally write the beginning of every word with a.capital so sometimes I'll rewrite them and accidentally take it too far and miss a few or change it without realising it needed to stay the same. If it'd be easier for the readers to follow I will definitely start making sure that new speakers get their own lines. I do appreciate constructive criticism and I will try my best to improve in future chapters.
Thank you for the review!