Review for Harry Potter and the Path of the Mystics
Now for some concrit:
On the down side, this story seems really fast paced. I would have liked to see more about each of Harry's years (without just rewriting the first two books - add some extras that may have happened "off camera" in canon). I especially would like to see more about the Academium, as that's something new (i.e. not canon). One thing that the fast pace contributed to, was the WTF factor when Harry had sex with his new wife. I can see the argument, "they're married, that's what spouses do." However, recall that, as far as we know, Harry hasn't interacted with his wife much and is only 13 years old at that point. It was only 4th year that he started to notice girls in canon, and I haven't noticed anything to contradict that trend. So if there's a reason he's interested, write that.
On a slightly less important note, be careful of your spelling and grammar - there are mistakes in there that made me say "huh?? oh, that's what he meant." While you get the point across, this interrupts the flow of the story.
Now after all that, I just want to reiterate that I DO want to see more of this story. The premise is neat, and the story so far is entertaining.
You're not the main attraction, just an over-enthusiastic reaction on my part.
- Authors: 601506
- Stories: 40300
In: Dragon Ball Z