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Beer and pussy. That's all I need.
We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.
Smurfette ?
Yeah, not some tightass Middlesex chick, right ? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.
Smurfette doesn't fuck.
That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her ? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.
No no no, not Vanity, I heard he was a homosexual.
Okay then, you know what ? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay ?
What about Papa Smurf ? I mean, he must get in on all the action.
Yea what he does, he films the gang bang, and he beats off to the tape.
First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what's the point of living if you don't have a dick ?
Dammit Donnie, why you gotta get all smart on us ?

I BELIEVE THAT'S ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID HERE.

"Hi! Um...how much are they paying you to be here? Are you here so that we'll buy your book? Because I gotta tell ya if you are, that was some of the worst advice I ever heard.
Do you see how sad this is? You, if you want your sister to lose weight tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey.
And you know what? Nobody ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know what, it takes a little while to find that out, right Jim?
And you. Yeah you. You sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Maybe you lift some weights or take a karate class and next time he tries to do it you kick him in the balls!"
"Ah, son. Now you see this? This here is an anger prisoner, textbook example. You see the fear, people? This boy is scared to death of the truth, now son, it breaks my heart to say this but I believe you are a very troubled and confused young man. I believe you are searching for answers in all the wrong places."
"You're right, actually. I am pretty troubled and I am pretty confused...and I'm afraid, very afraid. But honestly...I think you're the fucking anti-Christ."

YES THEN!!