It was a good idea and I enjoyed it but I would like to offer a bit of constructive criticism. Just to make this clear, I like your style of writing and the ideas were all there and the story did have exactly what it says on the tin so to speak, but it wasn't interesting, I found myself skipping lines to move on to the next bit. I'm not saying it was boring, just it didn't seem to move anywhere. I'm very sorry if this has insulted you or upset you at all because all I mean to do is give some friendly advice, author to author :)
Author's response
You haven't insulted me, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I wrote this a while back now and I don't believe that it represents where I am as a writer now. If anything I want to make a 'Director's Cut' of the story and re-write it. Thank you for the review :).