Review for Channel Hopping

Channel Hopping

(#) pixied_secrets 2006-11-12 12:16:37 PM

"Feelings that manifested themselves as salty teardrops." - very well written, you could have used anything, but you chose this sequence of words, and it is the kind of sentence that sticks in the brain.

no complaints...this whole chapter is very well written. going through pete's emotions as he tries to find a reason as to why he's imprisoned, and who it could be, helps the reader to question the reasons as well, and rule out other possible suspects.

the cliffhanger that you ended the chapter on is pure genius...the kind of thing that makes this story addictive.

oh, and your use of "turgid" made me feel like a proud parent. ha

Author's response

Thank you so much for stating your appreciation for that sentence because actually I did rewrite it a couple of times becase I was never satisfied with the grammatical construction I chose. The "salty teardrops" sounds a bit cliché to me but it isn´t a cliché for nothing. It´s true. The cliffhanger is of similiar cliché status but I thought it would work and keep readers interested. Before I had "turgid" it said "puffy". Honestly, Pete´s supposed to come off as the person who actually writes the FOB lyrics so "puffy" was a bit vague and blah, "turgid" is just perfect. Of course, he also says (/thinks) stuff like "twisted motherfuckers". Hey, you can´t win them all...

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