(#) Vayne 2006-11-26
Wow, poor Harry never seems to catch a break, does he? Your story continues to be among the best I've read but partly for the overall quality, but mostly due to the little touches that make it so much more believable like Voldemort being taken as a prank caller, or Sturgis' thoughts before Fleur's arrival. Even Voldemort's... creative punishment for Peter; a far cry from the usual "Oh, and Wormtail? Crucio!" cliche.
Now, onto the nitpicking; there was one minor spelling mistake I noticed; Voldemort referring to 'there' victories instead of 'their' when adressing his Death Eaters. More importantly one of the lines before Dobby's death seems to have a bit missing; it goes 'He pushed whatever had covered his face off of him and ' and then just begins a new paragraph. Both fairly minor errors, especially in an 8k word update, hence why it's nitpicking. Plot and continuity wise, it seems a bit odd that Voldemort actually has any unmasked Death Eaters, let alone addresses any by name in the presence of others, since from what I gathered from canon he was pretty big on preventing his Death Eaters from betraying each other by keeping their identities secret (Seen during the pensieve trials in GoF, though he does name names later on in the graveyard) though that's less of an issue if those involved are either azkaban escapees or otherwise wanted by the ministry. Secondly Black Widow Rush sounds very interesting, but I think given the varied side-effects it warrants more explanation than we've had so far; If I was Harry I'd definitely want to know how Fleur managed to brush off nearly every spell thrown at her and gain super-strength, assuming at least that he's in any position to get answers following his fight next chapter.
All that aside, I'd like to add the usual 'keep up the good work' line, and apologise for my inability to think up what happens after the goblin, centaur and Dark Lord walk into that bar. Thanks for keeping me entertained,
Hmmm. I've gotten behind on my responses on this site. Thank you for a long and thought out review. I'll check and see if I have already corrected the errors.
You make good points, you would think that Voldy would have a more cell like organiazation for his DE. I may have him incorporate that later.
Hope you have had a chance to check out chatper 27.~Jim