Review for Pyreflies

Pyreflies

(#) fyre_byrd 2006-04-08 08:32:15 AM

You write the interaction between Lulu and Wakka quite well in this scene. I like how Wakka is so oblivious to the fact that Lulu has other things on her mind.

And Wakka is so ridiculous, trying to just kiss Lulu without any warning. I like the way he wants to cry too, for being rejected and pushed away. I imagine that Wakka as you write him would think that Lulu will NEVER RETURN HIS FEELINGS now even though really all she did was push him away from her once when he kissed her at an awkward moment. I mean she even lets her comfort him afterward, so it isn't too bad at all. But Wakka strikes me as really naive here. I like that.

Nitpicking:
"Lulu looked up at the stars, holding back the tears that tried to come everytime she thought about her love." I would add a space between "every" and "time."

"He'd never really noticed how much she'd grown up since they days they used to torment each other up and down the beaches of Besaid." This should read "since the days."

""What are you doing!"" There should be a question mark here.

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