Review for Loser
The premise is promising, but there is a great deal of repetition, and only where it should be. It is fine to stress a notion, but there are too many notions stressed here.
And there is an overuse of names where pronouns would carry the idea.
The structure here seems out of whack. Possibly re-ordering some of the phrasing would help. Punctuation is another issue.
Not a train wreck, but not perfect; this falls inbetween.
Thank you for sharing.
“Don’t forget me.” She whispered and he held her face as he kissed her. “Never.”
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Get off my account Max
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