FicWad: fresh-picked original and fan fiction

I'm a critic. Don't take it personally.

Unique story idea. I can see it going places, if you had an editor or beta work on it a bit. The dialog is unrealistic and poorly written, though. Some of the situations don't even make sence. Your characters are underdeveloped, and it doesn't read well. Warm up to the plot a bit at the beginning, so the audience knows what's going on. Don't incluce so much in your Q's, such as "happened to be late," because the audience doesn't see what's written there, so it's posted more like a story. Have you ever even read a play? Also, say the lines out loud to yourself to see if they sound right in the context of the play. Just ask someone to read through it before it's posted, at least.

Thanks for the critic, I'll take good notes on this if I ever do write another play ;)