Review for Family Issue
Then the fact that after their ‘shock’, which shouldn’t have been, they didn’t reach out and stop Bellatrix or call to her. Bellatrix reaction was completely stupid. She can feel him in her mind she knows how he feels and then “he drew back he can’t love me” STUPID!
And sorry you can’t claim hormones on her reaction because they don’t start effecting like that for a while.
You should really go and edit the end of this chapter. It looks like a prelude to the huge cliché of “Harry is so great he can love me after all I’ve done, he’s the best man in the world. I know I am just being stupid for doubting him.”
Oh, and the hormones thing? Some women become very emotional very early into their pregnancies, when my cousin finally got pregnant (they tried for years) she was an emotional wreck from about the first month, I kid you not.
And let me post a spoiler here, the beginning of the next chapter picks up exactly where this one leaves off and there is no way that Harry or Marietta will let her continue to feel the way she does now.
Thank you for a thorough review, with specific suggestions for improvement. If all I wanted to see were ego stroking "great job" reviews then I'd just show my work to my mom, right? (Actually, she'd have gotten a kick out of my work; she had a great sense of humor and was as earthy as any fleet sailors I knew.)
But I like it as written, so I guess I'll keep it.
But I’ll invite your to keep on reading, and reviewing.
Without Sakura, Team 7 falls apart. Kakashi sees this all too well, and he's almost surprised that h...
- Authors: 428101
- Stories: 40064
Games have rules, but who wants to play by the rules? That depends on the game. This is now a chapte...
Izzy falls in love with a groupie
In: Guns n' Roses
A tale of overcoming the odds. This book is copyrighted by myself. It is in the process of being pub...
Sixteenth book in "Ghost Doll." At Vivian's house warming party thrown by Hotaru, Anna notices a lit...
In: Yami no Matsuei
Fifth one of my series, "Ghost Doll." Nakata Rieko wasn't exactly an angel of a student. She was hig...
In: Yami no Matsuei