Good story. Dont forget to CAPITALIZE! It would make the story easier to read. And dontbe afriad to overdescribe things, some parts seem to go too fast
fair enough. I'll fix the capitalization thing right now but i'm not sure about describing things, sometimes i read stories that describes every little thing and I find that annoying so I kinda walked on the safe side here.
oh and I'm glad you liked my story because I read your opinion on fan fiction in general and how you think it's a bit unrealistic so thank you!!