This was good. Creepy. But good. A few things didnt make sense though And Im only saying cause you asked for const. crits. First you say 'Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking anyone for sympathy' - since hes 'talking' to Mikey he should address him only. (Im not looking for your sympathy or for any sympathy.)
then you say 'I only want people to listen.' again what people? isnt he only 'speaking' to Mikey?
Plus the in the beginning when you say do you remember when we met? Again- huh? theyre brothers a few years apart so im guessing no. I thought maybe he was talking to a girl he loved for while until I figured out it was Mikey.
I also found the concept of life support confusing. From what I know, which isnt much about life support,
You usually cant talk on life support - ya know breathing machines and such. So its strange how he talks to the nurse. It would be creepier if he cant talk and he can hear them but cant reply. And he knows that hes running out of time cause theyre coming to pull the plug so to speak.
I totally got the whole repenting for his sins vibe. And I liked how he was unafraid at the end.
Overall though good creepy story. Hmm how come theres no rating for creepy? Im gonna go with moving.-xoxo
Thanks :D it's all appreciated... umm when you have life support it is breathing machines and stuff but when you break your neck you can speak, you're just paralysed from the neck down i think... :-)