Review for you can keep my brother

you can keep my brother

(#) jerseygirlxx 2007-05-05 05:06:11 PM

this was a really good chap!
this line is funky though- the city that never sleeped, should just be sleeps. I dont know why its present tense... it just is! And the hot dog salesperson! thats cute.. try hot dog vendor though..Im not sure how many of them are aspiring actors though! maybe in l.a or hollywood! In ny thats what they are... It takes a certian kind of man to sell hotdogs in the street let me tell you...

The ending though WHOA!! (lets just pretend that theres enough room in the gridlocked streets of the city for a jeep to actually be speeding towards them...and that the train actually goes if not directly to the arena that they wouldve gotten off with in a block or two and not have needed a cab.LOL) But Im willing to accept the fact that they got in a cab and a speeding jeep is aproaching and I loved how you went through her thoughts at the end! Very realistic... I like how you ended it too. You left the story open.. They could actually be in an accident.( her mom would be pissed!) or they could totally miss the jeep and then she'd turn to Gee and say (easy now!..Ill just wait for you to write the next chap).... Update soon----xoxo

Author's response

well, i never acually visited new york so you gotta forgive me for the mistakes i made.
glad you enjoyed it though it wasn't the most accurate description ever:)

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