Review for you can keep my brother
(#) jerseygirlxx 2007-05-11 03:45:16 PM
Another good chapter! Your writing is getting better! Its like a totally different story now then it was at the beggining! The one thing I would change here is that expression 'a leaf from his book'? WTF? you mean a page from his book- I think! I really liked how realistic this chapter was too. I liked how G just went for it with her pulling out the condom (SOOO realistic) and wasnt all like oh lets talk about it and go slow and all this crap that never happens... The only thing thats funny about your story is that Sky is 17 and youre saying G is older and hes graduating but shes not. She should be graduating at 17/18 too... hmmm. I dont know... the ages are kinda funky... I dont know if it could be fixed at this point... I guess if shes one year behind him... but that wouldnt really make Gee so much older.. I dont know... I would just leave it alone and not mention ages anymore....----xoxo update soon!!
oh WOW thank you soo much, your reviews always make me smile!!!you're kinda right about the age thing, i think i just make them all graduate, my only issue with this it's because Skyler supposed to be in Mikey's age and he's younger than G...but i guess i could do it, it's a fiction after all...right?! oh and fixed the weird expression. thanks for pointing it out!!
You won't see stories with a lower score when you browse or search. Log in to adjust filter.
After a thousand years of a nearly meaningless existence, Harry is killed in an antimatter explosion...
In: Harry Potter
- Authors: 482195
- Stories: 40155