In which our hero battles the stress of having nothing to do, the constant itch that is annoying friends and an unexpected visitor sent straight from the depths of Hell itself...
"Ax why are you mad at me? I thought you'd be kinda flattered!" Slash said, his cheeks turning ever so slightly pink.
Izzy was on the floor doubled over clutching his stomach, tears rolling down his cheeks. Slash could be so fuckin' funny sometimes. Axl sat next to him glaring at the face behind the curls who had walked into the room a minute ago to introduce his new friend to his band mates. Duff and Steven were on the couch laughing just as hard as Izzy.
"That's not fucking flattering! It's just creepy!" Axl replied, not pleased with Slash's gesture.
"He does look a lot like you Axl!" Steven remarked between giggles.
Axl stared at the new addition to their 'family' while his friends laughed harder at the last comment.
"Oh...I suppose I'll just take him back to where I found him then..." Slash suggested, looking at the floor and shuffling his feet.
Axl felt bad now. He knew Slash meant well. He always means well.
"No", he sighed, "You don't have to take him back. He can stay."
The rhythm section cheered and Slash smiled his big, dopey smile before kneeling down to let his new friend get himself acquainted with his new home.
Axl was a little startled that the little guy ran over to him first. He sat next to the singer looking up at him. Green eyes meeting green eyes.
Axl smiled down at him. How could he be mad at that? He reached out a hand and petted him on the head.
"Hey Axl." he said.
The cat just purred back, content with the soft petting. His orange fur was warm and fuzzy. Axl didn't like cats very much but he didn't want to upset Slash. He knew that the guitarist liked cats a lot, something Axl found weird but learned to accept. He wasn't keen on Slash's choice of name for it though...
"So where to today Axl?" Izzy asked.
"Huh?" Axl stopped petting the cat and looked up at his friend, "How about we go to the- "
"Oh I'm sorry", Izzy cut in, "I was talking to the other Axl."
Laughter filled the room once again as Axl glared at Izzy.
"Very fuckin' funny!" he said. The cat had now climbed up and settled himself into Axl's lap. The singer picked up his feline counterpart and gave him to Izzy.
"He's all yours dude." He said before getting up and going upstairs, mumbling about stupid cats and guitar players.
He trudged up the steps of the apartment that led outside to the roof. The sun was hidden behind some clouds and sirens could be heard somewhere in the distance. The redhead struggled to pull the pack of cigarettes out of his jeans pockets, them being so tight. He finally succeeded and lit up.
It was one of those days where everything just pisses you off, you're stressed for no apparent reason and you're bad mood spills over onto your friends. He wasn't always like this. Izzy suggested that he was pre-menstrual this morning so he took Izzy's hat off his head and tried to flush it down the toilet.
He smiled to himself as he remembered the look on his friend's face.
Suddenly the sun came out from behind a cloud and bore down on him. Where the fuck had he put his sunglasses?
"Do you think he'll find this funny?" Slash asked, unsure of Izzy's idea.
"Sure he will", Izzy reassured with a wicked smile.
Just then Axl walked back into the room. He smiled at his band mates but that smile quickly disappeared.
"You guys are so twisted."
Axl, the cat, was sat on the couch looking up at everyone. They had decked him out Axl Rose style. Bandana tied around his furry head, cigarette in his mouth and bangles sitting around his front legs.
"Hey I was looking for those!" Axl quickly snatched the sunglasses off the cat"s face.
"Aww Axl he just wants to be like his daddy!" Izzy cooed at him.
"I found him! I'm his dad!" Slash yelled.
Izzy rolled his eyes and put an arm around the singer's bony shoulders pulling him close.
"Let's go get you a drink sweetheart." Axl hated it when Izzy did that. "You coming?" Izzy looked at the cat enquiringly. It just stared blankly back at him.
"Suit yourself!" And with that the two men left the apartment, Steven skipping along behind them. Slash and Duff opted to stay at home.
"Do you think cats can run twice as fast as humans?" Steven asked looking in his beer as if checking for something.
Axl groaned and took a swig of his Jack Daniels. Fucking cats today.
Izzy giggled at the redhead and looked at Steven.
"What do you think?"
"Why do you think that?" Axl prepared himself for an IQ lowering.
"I think cats can run twice as fast as humans because..." he looked up and grinned, "...they have twice as many legs!"
Izzy smiled warmly at the ditsy drummer before looking to Axl.
Axl was staring blankly at Steven, just like Axl the cat had done to Izzy earlier.
A moment later Izzy and Steven jumped when the singer burst out laughing.
"Duff, don't paint Little Axl's nails, that's weird!" Slash said as he entered the room.
"Slash, he's a stray cat! What if he tries to run away from us? We're gonna have to be able to identify the little guy when we go looking for him won't we?" He was satisfied with this justification.
"We could just get him a collar..."
Duff shook his head at the guitarist and went back to his genius idea. His proposal clearly made more sense.
"Little Axl?" the blonde sniggered slightly.
The cat shifted a little making Duff mess up a nail.
"Dude! What the fuck? I told you not to fuckin' move!" Duff gave the cat an annoyed look. Little Axl didn't seem to mind.
It was already dark by the time Axl, Izzy and Steven started their journey home from the bar. Axl was feeling very thankful for his friends at that moment. He was happy and stress free. Maybe it was just the drink. Why was he stressed that day anyway?
"What a crappy night!" Steven swayed slightly as he spoke, "No parties, no gigs, no strippers, no anything! What are we gonna do with ourselves?"
"We could stay at home tonight and watch a movie or something?" Izzy suggested.
Axl and Steven looked at eachother and burst out laughing.
"What? We haven't done that in a while! It doesn't always have to be parties..." Izzy pouted at his friends.
It was Axl's turn to be the annoying one. He put an arm around Izzy and kissed his temple.
"We can watch a movie tonight if you want sweetie. It'll be..." He paused for dramatic affect, "...romantic!"
This time Izzy laughed too. The three of them laughed the rest of the walk home, Axl and Steven occasionally making fun of Izzy for good measure.
Slash and Duff were in the kitchen when they got home.
"Hellooooo?" Steven bellowed through the house.
As tradition, Axl and Izzy ran for the one single armchair in the room. Izzy claimed it was his but Axl begged to differ. He was getting it this time. They wrestled for a minute before Izzy got dirty. He tickled Axl into submission.
"Okay! You can have it! Please stop!" Axl struggled to get the words out between his squirming and laughing.
Izzy had won. He childishly stuck his tongue out at the redhead and got comfortable. That bastard. Axl scowled down at the annoying face smiling up at him, but he was in too good a mood to hold the face. He decided to just sit on Izzy instead.
"Ow! You're bony!" Izzy whined.
"Deal with it." Axl said as he ruffled Izzy's hair.
Steven meanwhile made use of having the couch all to himself. He stretched his legs out and gave a sigh of contention before he was rudely thrown off the couch.
"Hey asshole! I was sitting there!" Steven glared up at the bassist.
"No you weren't." was the reply.
"What were you and Slash doing in the kitchen?" Axl asked.
"Probably jerking eachother off." Izzy remarked.
"You wish." Slash said as he entered the room.
Steven patted the floor beside him and Slash obeyed.
"We're going to have a girls night in tonight!" Steven announced, louder than necessary. "Izzy's idea." he added.
"Let's watch A Clockwork Orange!" It was their favourite movie, collectively as a band.
"You thought of it Axl, you go get it." Izzy said and he shoved Axl off his lap.
Axl got on his knees in front of the TV where their sparse collection of videos lay scattered on the floor. He found Clockwork and took the tape out of the cover. Just as he was about to put it into the VCR he let out a shriek and dropped the tape.
Axl the cat was sitting on top of the TV staring down at him. What a fucking freak!
"I totally did not see him there!" Axl said, almost in disbelief. He had kind of forgotten about the cat.
He picked up the offending feline and set him on the floor. He wasn't keen on a big, orange tail swinging across the movie.
"You painted his nails?" Izzy asked.
Duff nodded and smiled triumphantly while Slash rolled his eyes.
Izzy held his arms out and the cat jumped onto his knee.
"Black is your colour dude." Izzy said, inspecting the cat's claws.
Axl looked down at his chipped black nail polish and screwed his face up. This was getting ridiculous.
The 'girl's night in' wasn't such a bad idea after all. The five guys were at peace, watching their favourite movie, relaxed, not a care in the world. Their peaceful aura only stirred by Steven occasionally fighting with Slash for the popcorn. Izzy let Axl sit beside him on his thrown, seeing as they were both skinny enough to fit comfortably on an armchair. Duff was sprawled on the couch twisting his hair between his fingers and concentrating hard on the movie.
And that's when they heard the sound of glass shattering in the kitchen. They all jumped a mile and Steven let out a squeal.
"Axl!" Slash yelled, making the singer jump for a second time.
"I was right here! I didn't do anything!"
"Not you!" Slash shouted back at him as he ran into the kitchen.
Steven paused the movie and waited for Slash to come back. A moment later he did, holding a petrified looking cat in his arms. Slash was wiping shards of glass off of its fur.
"The little fucker must have ran into the table and knocked a bottle off it. Poor guy." Slash started talking to the cat in a baby voice.
"Are you OK Little Axl? That must've scared you, huh? It's OK buddy, come and watch the movie with me." He sat down again but the cat protested and made an angry cat noise. He jumped off Slash's knee after giving him a good scratch on his hand.
"Mother fucker!" Slash yelled and held his wounded hand close to his chest.
They rest of the band were trying to hold back laughs at this point. Then Axl let out a sound of exasperation and looked down at the ball of fur that was getting comfortable on his lap.
"Why me?" He questioned the gods as the cat purred.
"Just let him be." Izzy said, wanting to continue with their movie night.
The rest of the movie experience went smoothly. No more cat problems with Little Axl sound asleep on Big Axl's knee.
"What do we do now Izzy?" Duff asked, stretching his mile long limbs as he sat up on his couch.
"I wanna go to bed." Slash yawned as he said it.
They were actually in Slash's bedroom. The apartment had two bedrooms with two double beds. Slash liked sleeping on floors and couches so his room was sorted. The blonde bombshells shared one room and the 'married couple' shared the other.
"Me too." Steven added rubbing his eyes. "Come on Duff!"
The two got up to make their way upstairs. Steven bent down to kiss Izzy on the forehead, then Axl. Only Steven was allowed to do that, cause when he did it, it was cute. When he did anything it was cute.
"'Night mom! 'Night dad!"
"Goodnight Steven!" Axl and Izzy echoed back.
Izzy looked to Slash.
"Suppose you want us to fuck off then?" he asked.
Slash smiled and nodded. Axl carefully picked up the cat so as not to wake him, he placed him gently down onto the arm of the couch and followed Izzy upstairs.
Thinking about the cat, he felt a little stressed again. He silently wished Little Axl would die in his sleep that night.
Axl woke up and almost had a heart attack. He let out a scream and jumped out of bed, shaking slightly and hugging himself.
Izzy groggily turned over to look at his maniac friend.
"What. The Fuck. Is your problem" Izzy was not happy with this rude awakening.
Axl just pointed to where he had been peacefully dreaming a minute ago.
Izzy pulled the sheets down. A little ball of orange was nestled on Axl's side of the bed, its tummy slowly rising and falling as it breathed. That meant it was still alive. Axl cursed it for doing that.
"Axl it is 6 o' clock in the fucking morning. Go to fucking sleep." Izzy rolled back onto his side and fell asleep again.
Axl was just as grumpy as the guitarist. He picked up the fur ball by the neck and threw it into Duff and Steven's room.
It was not going to be a good day.