The show that night was one of the best of his life, he just immersed himself in every song, he had such energy and presence that even his own band where impressed, and for the duration of the show, Kelli didn’t matter, this was his thing, something he wasn’t going to let her affect in any way, on stage he was alive, here he could escape and submerge into his music and the thousands of people that were hanging on his every word.
As he walked off stage for the final time that night he was on such a high that no one could spoil it.
“Wow Gee you rocked tonight dude”, puffed frank as he put his shoulder around his friend
“That was awesome, I was feeling it tonight”, Gee replied gasping for air
They all piled in the dressing room and Gerard dived on the sofa, his legs unable to support themselves anymore.
“Gee my man”! yelled bob who grabbed Gerard into a manly bear hug
“Too cool dude”, added Ray who was lying on the other sofa
“Now that is what its all about”, Gerard stated sweat pouring down his face
They all nodded and basked in the feeling that surrounded them all
“Hey where’s Kelli, shouldn’t she be in here already”, asked Bob plopping himself next to Gerard
Gerard felt his bubble burst at the mention of her name, but he was determined not to let anything ruin this for him so he decided to go get a shower and meet some of his fans
As he made his way back to the bus in his own little world, he thought about the show they had just played , replaying it in his head, making him smile to himself, then all of a sudden it all came crashing down around him, his heart fell 50 feet and he was stopped dead in his tracks, across the parking lot, in the light of the moon he could see Kelli and Nick fiercely making out against a wall. He ducked quickly behind a nearby car so he wouldn’t be seen, he had nowhere to go, which ever way he went he risked being seen by them and that would be awkward beyond belief, all he could do was listen to Kelli’s soft moans and the sound of lips crashing together, it was driving him insane with jealousy, why did this have to happen when he was having such a good night, he was praying they would stop and go inside the building leaving him free to run for the bus, and to his delight they did, as soon as they were out of sight he ran as fast as he humanly could and once inside the bus he collapsed on his bunk . He felt warm, wet tears escape from his eyes, seeing them together like that was harder than he ever thought it would be, he felt empty and alone , he grabbed his pillow and wrapped his arms around it for comfort, burying his head in it, letting it soak up his tears, why was this so hard?, he knew what he needed, and for the first time since he had been sober he knew he was going to give into it, he needed alcohol and he needed It now.
He got showered and changed in record time and made his way to the sitting area of the bus when to his horror he saw Kelli approach , great this was so not what he needed right now.
Kelli stepped inside and gave him a warm smile
“There you are, I have been looking for you for ages”, she said with playful smirk
“Well I guess you found me”, he replied unable to match her cheerfulness
“Me and the guys are going out for some food, you wanna join”? she asked expectantly
“No im going solo tonight”. he stated with little emotion
“Are you ok gee”? she asked hesitantly, knowing something was bothering him
“Im just peachy sugar”, he replied sarcastically
“No your not, you should be ecstatic after that show but your far from that”, she stated hoping for some hint of a crack in his barrier that seemed to be getting stronger with each passing moment.
“Kelli im fine, just go, I got places to be”, he retorted pushing past her to get to the door
She grabbed his arm which stopped him and forced him to give her a glare which made her uneasy
“Gerard please talk to me, there’s something very wrong , I know you too well to fall for that bullshit”, her eyes pleaded with his.
“You don’t know fuck all about me!”, he yelled snatching his arm away from her
Tears began to form in her eyes and instantly he felt like the worlds biggest asshole, seeing her angelic face hurt like that was just too much, he pulled her into a hug and placed his hand on the back of her head pressing it against his shoulder
“Im so sorry”, he said regretfully
All the anger dissolved from him, wanting only to comfort her and make her feel safe in his presence, he hated himself for talking to her like that, she didn’t deserve it, she hadn’t dome anything wrong, it wasn’t her fault he couldn’t deal with her new relationship, hell she deserved some happiness, pushing her away would only make things worse.
He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her forehead tenderly
“Please forgive me for being an asshole”, he pleaded with his eyes fixed on hers.
“Why are you so distant with me lately, you seem to avoid me all the time, what did I do”? she asked tears still flowing freely down her soft cheeks
“Nothing, im just dealing with some shit, and I like having my alone time right now”, he smiled at her trying to reassure her,.
He wiped the tears away from her eyes with his thumbs and had to fight with every bone in his body not to kiss her, she looked so beautiful in the dimmed light with her eyes sparkling, and her lips red and her cheeks blushed.
“You can talk to me about anything you know”, she said wiping her own eyes trying not to smudge her eyeliner
“I promise ill tell you when im ready”, he answered truthfully, taking her back into her hug, God it felt good to have her in his arms.
“Ok well id better get back before they send a search party”, she joked cheering up a little.
“See you later Jellybean” he replied using the nickname he made up for her.
She smiled at him and left, leaving him even more in need of that drink.
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