Written for the Week 23 prompt at bleach_contest on LiveJournal: blessing/curse. Rukia-centric angsty retrospection on her life. No pairings.
by: eternalsailorsolarwind AKA youkai_girl
Disclaimer: Bleach and all of its characters are owned by Tite Kubo, his Japanese publishers, and Viz. I just play with them for grins and giggles.
A/N: Written for the Week 23 prompt at bleach_contest on LiveJournal: blessing/curse. Rukia-centric angsty retrospection on her life. No pairings.
Humans have a saying, “Every cloud has a silver lining.”
When Ichigo explained that saying to me – after having heard it from the girls at school – I snorted in derision. I couldn't help it. They're looking for the blessing hidden in every bad thing that happens to them. I guess that's human nature, or at least the nature of the living.
The dead are far more pragmatic. They look for the exact opposite.
I'm no different. For every “blessing” that I've received, a hidden curse waits in the wings to strike at me, sooner or later. It's never failed to happen yet.
I find the old gang in Rukongai, and then they all begin to die off, leaving me and Renji alone. Make my way into the Shinigami Academy, and slowly fall behind in my classes as I have trouble understanding the material. Renji, idiot that he is, flies ahead of me. The worst was getting adopted into the Kuchiki clan. Not only did I lose my only remaining friend to my sudden elevation, but the rules and regulations I was suddenly required to learn made me lose myself as well. I won't even get into what happened after I met Ichigo. That's a story in itself.
I'm not the only one, though. I see Renji calculating what the worst possible thing that could happen to him every time he's offered something good. He knows that somewhere, somewhen, he will lose something else for whatever it is he gains. Matsumoto-fukutaichou drowns herself in sake to keep from remembering all of her losses. Everyone in Soul Society has their own way of searching for that hidden curse, some more obvious than others. But we all do it.
Even now, years after the Winter War, I still unconsciously look for that hidden curse that I know is there, waiting. Being from Soul Society, it's just in my nature to check all of my silver clouds for lead linings.