"So, now that our esteemed guest Lord Voldemort has stopped saying 'What'" The Hat glared at the captain of The Dark Marks, who had the grace to look somewhat ashamed "We shall begin. Miss Cadwallader, if you would?"
(scenes from a quidditch match)
"He's much better than we thought, Our Gloroius Leader Voldemort!"
"Within her, shiny danger lurks. She's our girl, Sally-Ann Perks"
"And as Malfoy and Dolohov swoop down the pitch, it looks like Weasley and Weasley are lining something up."
A sickening crunch filled the air.
"Oh my, that had to hurt. Hey Draco - I don't think you'll be getting any little brothers or sisters any time soon"
"He's killed more people than he ought, but now he'll beat you VOLDEMORT!!"
"We've got a team that really works, led by our Miss Sally-Ann Perks"
"And while Weasley and Black charge down the pitch, Miss Lovegood makes the unusual move of... flying round in circles, waving at the clouds as they pass by"
"Well - they are very pretty clouds"
"Yes, they are, aren't they?"
"By the Aurors he'll never be caught - the one, the only VOLDEMORT!"
"She's better than a thousand Jim Kirks, She's the glorious Sally-Ann Perks"
"And now she's waving at the giant squid"
"When Harry Met Sally he both of them fought"
"The other side they are all jerks"
"He is not the forgiving sort"
"She's better than a thousand mercs"
"His favourite book is Terry Pratchet's Mort"
"She's really good at change of circs"
"HE IS THE BEST, LORD VODLEMORT"
"SHE IS THE BEST, MISS SALLY-ANN PERKS"
"This could be it... Voldemort and Perks are racing down the field, neck and neck, but even if Perks catches it, her team will lose by a single goal... bugger me"
"We knew she could do it, and she showed she could. The one, the only..."
"Miss Luna Lovegood scores just as Perks catches the snitch, and the game ends in a tie" The Hat yelled out "How many of you saw that coming?"