Things would have gone seriously far if Ray hadnt given a tiny cough behind us, I knew he was still sleeping but it occured to me that we were passionately kissing in the room with a sick man. It made everything more wrong and I gently pulled out of the kiss, pushing Frank off my lap. He gave me a confused look, his eyes shining.
"Whats wrong?" He asked. My breathing was heavy and I tried to think of a way to word this without hurting him.
"Its just, this... ya' know, its not normal its -"
"You didnt like it?" Hurt filled Franks eyes and I began madly shaking my head.
"No! No its not that, it was erm...ahem, great... Its just, Rays ill and we should be caring for him instead of doing this. We're friends and -"
"I get it." Frank slowly got to his feet, running his hands through his hair in an attempt to tidy it. "Its okay. Ray will probably feel better when he wakes up. I should be getting back now. Bye Gerard." He turned and strode over to the door, I jumped to my feet and went to follow him.
"Frankie wait! -" But he ignored me and slammed the door shut, my arm which I had outstretched fell to my side as I looked at the door in horror. I was even more confused with how I felt now, it was if I had just lost something precious and my whole body was tingling from the remnants of Franks soft touch. Oh christ, he was so -
No! Not going there!
I dropped down onto the bed with my head in my hands, what the hell was I supposed to do now? Frankie... I didnt want to hurt him but I wasnt sure I could ever be in a relationship with him. I mean, would my family accept me if I was gay? I knew deep down that they would but it was like I was too afraid to admit it to myself. But on the other hand, would I be able to live with myself if I didnt get with Frank, I wouldnt be going home for some months yet but even so - if I didnt get with him, when I did go home would I ever be coming back to England? Probably not, which means I would never see Frank again and I dont want to go back to America with regrets. And in that kiss.. it was so strange but I felt as if... as if the peice that had been missing, which I had come here to find, had been filled when I kissed him, the way he held me and pressed against me with need, like I was the only thing that mattered.
I know I had felt that way about him in that moment.
Ray improved rapidly after that night, I tried to tend to him as best I could, getting him food and drink, making sure he didnt burn up again, but my mind was on Frank constantly. I kept thinking about the kiss, sometimes I would get so caught up in my thoughts I would be subconciously running my fingers across my lips and Ray would ask me if I was okay. I tried my best to pretend I was fine but Ray knew me too well, and after three days he was healthy once more and not prepared to leave me alone until I told him what was bothering me.
"Come on Gee, I know theres something wrong, you've been acting so weird ever since that night I got really ill. Did something happen between you and Frank or something? Did you argue? You havent mentioned him at all ever since he helped you take care of me." Ray had been going on like this for god knows how long now and I was tearing my hair out.
"Nothing happened between us Ray!" I groaned, Ray folded his arms across his chest and glared at me as I avoided his gaze.
"Well, I guess your just not going to tell me are you. I thought you trusted me, we're supposed to be friends." I didnt reply and Ray sighed before grabbing his jacket and throwing me mine, I gave him a confused look as he pulled his on.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"We are going to see Frank." He answered, my heart felt as if it had just tumbled down into my stomach.
"W - why?" I stuttered. Ray gave me a knowing look as he answered.
"Because I want to thank the man for helping take care of me, surely your not going to complain about that." He snapped as he stormed past me. I followed him out of the inn as I begged him to just write a letter or something but he ignored me all the way to Acacia.
By the time we were outside number 22 I was beginning to panic, I was desperate for Ray to not go in there and so I went for the last resort, seizing his shoulders and pushing him against the wall.
"Ray please, dont go in there! I dont want to face him!" I cried. Ray glared at me, but behind the angry look I could see confusion and kindness, the want to find out what was bothering me so he could help.
"Why Gerard? Whats happened, please just tell me." He begged. I sighed and looked down at the floor wondering if there was any way of getting out of this but there wasnt, and besides, Ray was right. I was supposed to trust him.
"Okay, okay... on the night Frank helped me he... he kissed me." I didnt look at Ray but I could feel him staring at me. There was an awkward pause before he eventually spoke.
"So. Why is that a bad thing?" He asked. I stared at him in surprise, making him smile. "Oh come on Gerard, it seems to me that everyone knows you love him except you." I stared at him in shock, trying to process his words and find a reason to prove him wrong, any reason that we would both believe.
"Shut up Gerard." He laughed, pulling out of my grip and going back to the door. "It'll do you good to see him, now are you a man or a mouse?"
"Mouse." Ray rolled his eyes at me and pushed the door open as he said.
The bar was almost empty except for around five men. My stomach gave a huge lurch as I saw that they were all trying to grab and grope Frank who was passionately kissing one of them. It wasnt like he had kissed me, it was ferocious and heated but there was no emotion in it. It was like he was going through the process he had had to learn off by heart. Ray followed my gaze and sighed, Frank was rubbing the mans crotch and I felt bile rise in my throat. If Frank loved me then why would he be doing that? Merl came flaunting over to us with a big smile on her face.
"Well, arent you two just becoming my favourite little regulars. How can I help you two lovely gentlemen?" She asked as she helped us out of our jackets.
"I was wondering if we could talk to Frank." Said Ray, giving Merl a polite smile. Merl gave a tittering laugh and ran a hand over Rays chest making him flinch a little.
"Oh sweetie this is a pleasure house, you dont have to talk here. You can just dive straight in, but as you can see Frank already has customers. You can wait till he's finished or -"
"No, we're not here for that. I just want to talk to him quickly, please I want to thank him for something." Merl gave Ray a wondering look as she put a finger thoughtfully on her chin.
"Hm... okay, I'll call him over." Merl turned and yelled Franks name, reluctantly he turned round and I sighed when I saw his blood shot eyes and depressed expression. "Come over here will you sweetie?" Frank looked as if he wanted to say no but because Merl was his boss he sighed and got to his feet, shuffling over to us like an old man.
"Oh Frankie honey dont look so depressed, anyone would think you'd been heartbroken." Laughed Merl before bouncing away as my stomach gave a painful twist and I avoided Franks gaze as he mumbled under his breath ''Funny you should mention it''.
"Hey Frankie, I wanted to thank you for helping me the other night, I cant remember much of it because I was so ill but I know you helped and it means a lot. So... yeah, thanks." Ray smiled and Frank shrugged.
"Dont worry about it Ray, I wanted to help. I could see how worried Gerard was, it was the least I could do." He said flatly. Ray sighed and look at me but I just stared at the floor.
"Yeah well, thanks anyway. Listen, Gee wants to talk to you so I'll just wait outside. Sia later Frank." Frank looked surprised but nodded and Ray left as I gave him a horrified look. What!? I didnt want to talk to Frank! What was he trying to do, give me a bloody heart attack!
"So... what do you want?" Asked Frank and when I looked at him I could see a flicker of hope behind the sadness in his eyes. My heart made a lump in my throat as I struggled to think of something to say.
"Err well... erm... how are you?" I asked lamely, Frank leaned on one hip and folded his arms.
"I'm fine Gerard, what do you think? I've got loads of guys who want me here so I'm not feeling too worthless." He said coldly. I rubbed the back of my head shyly and avoided his eyes.
"Yeah..." I mumbled, unable to think of what to say. "Well... about the other night -"
"Yeah about that, I'm sorry. I shouldnt have kissed you, it was neither the time or place, I can see why it was so awkward for you. I didnt mean to upset you, I didnt mean to say I loved you or anything." He stopped talking as I gave him a confused look.
"Erm... you didnt." Frank raised an eyebrow.
"I didnt what?" He asked. I shuffled my feet nervously before answering.
"You didnt say you loved me." Frank looked horrified at himself and began to stutter, as if he didnt know what to say.
"Oh, oh yeah I didnt. Hahaha, erm... yeah, which is good cos' erm.. I didnt mean it, wouldnt have meant it...dont...mean it..." He began to get quieter, repeating himself until he trailed off, tears in his eyes as he blushed feircely.
"Yeah, anyway erm... I have some customers so... bye." Frank turned and hurried away from me, but he didnt go back to the men but through the door that led upstairs and I'm sure I saw him wipe tars off his cheeks as he closed the door.
I stood there looking dumbfounded for a moment before leaving, Ray was outside waiting for me but his smile faded when he saw my face.
"Please tell me it all went fabulously." He said quietly.
"Erm well... I dont know." I told Ray what had happened as we began walking back to the inn. When I had finished Ray was looking sympathetic.
"Oh my god, poor Frank. He's so in love with you!" He cried. I gave Ray a disbeleiving look.
"Obviously not Ray, he said himself he didnt." Ray rolled his eyes and thwacked me round the back of the head.
"Dont be such an idiot Gee!"
A/N: Sorry that it took so long to update, the internet wont work on my laptop so I thought screw it and so wrote this and then stuck it on my memory stick and posted via my dads computer. Thank fuck for USB drives thats all I say otherwise you wouldnt have got any update for months.
Review and lemme know you love me :]
Tumble weed Or not...