February: What goes down must come up, Valentines Day sucks and what's the deal with Frank Iero?
WARNINGS: A LOT of swearing, gay relationships and too much drug and alcohol abuse to be allowed.
Chapter three: February: Valentines Day? Is that in February?/]
Wednesday, February 1st
[/91 kg (2 days of college food), 1/2 bottle of vodka (drink of choice at college), 0 cigarettes (smoked them all on my first day), 0 joints (to scared to knock on the door of crazy town).
Where to begin? Hmmm, well I'm back at college ... aaaaaaand, that's about it really.
So far I've had breakfast, lunch and dinner with Amy every day. I officially have no life. My girl friend is my social life. Sad really.
I have a best friend, his name is Ben, but he doesn't arrive until next week and to be completely honest, we have absolutely nothing in common. Unless of course you count the fact that we both are the biggest art nerds that ever lived.
Apart from that, the guy doesn't drink, doesn't go out, doesn't stay up late, never skips classes and has never even heard of David Bowie. I mean, the relationship is purely there because the two of us couldn't befriend anyone else that actually had the same interests as we did.
But, I really did enjoy his company. I mean, in high school I had no one but Mikey. At least now I actually had a friend. That was incentive enough for me to actually put in enough effort to manage to keep Ben as a best friend. In fact, I probably put more effort into our friendship then I did in the relationship me and Amy were supposed to be having.
Oh and the mystery text messenger? I think I officially scared them away. Haven't heard the N-sync tune ringing in my pocket since I got back to college.
Which is probably for the best.
Note: Really should change message tone. Already laughing stock of college.
Thursday, February 2nd
I'm weightless ... Im a drunk and I'm a fucken stonned motha fucka ... I need pancakes he he he.
I don even no why everyone finds that so much a funny. But we're laughin at it neways any.
I don think class will make it to me tomorroow ... it's far to drunk for any of that now.
I never got star trek ... is it wrong to be happy in making out when with a guy?
Friday, February 3rd
To fucking early. College: My room. So sick, so, so sick. I think it's quite possible I'm still drunk! I don't even know how I managed to make it back to my room.
I woke up next to Bert fucking McCracken on his rather uncomfortable mattress. Somehow, I think he must store pot or something under there, every time I moved I heard a strange rustling noise.
Worst part was, I'm pretty sure we made out again last night. For a really long time. At first it was funny ... then it just wasn't funny anymore. And there were several people there. I'm not talking about just the usual stoners that Bert and his best friend Quinn usually hang around, I'm talking about people I've never seen before.
They wouldn't tell anyone ... would they?
If Amy hadn't of been bothering me, none of this would have ever happened!
She was following me around all day talking about how it was our first weekend back and I should really spend it with her and not Mikey as I had already hung with him all holidays - I mean, blah-frickety-blah. Cry me a fucking river. Shesh!
Naturally, I decided to "go to bed early" - HA! She doesn't know me at all. She muttered something about me being so committed and then left me to my Vodka.
Now I'm certain there's none of that left. I drank half a bottle, got bored, ventured into the rowdy room next door and drank the rest.
What is it that's so inviting about the Thursday night parties that go on in the tiny, smoky room next door? It couldn't possibly be the beer, the pot and the absolute promise of a morning spent hugging the toilet bowl, could it?
Now I'm definitely not going to be able to show my face in there again! How embarrassing? Why did I have to be so sexually venturous that I wont say no to anyone eager for a hook-up when I'm wasted. Male or female, I don't seem to be picky anymore.
Is this considered cheating? I mean, he's a guy. Don't chicks find that like hot or something? When two guys make out?
Somehow I don't think Amy's that kind of girl.
6 p.m. Actually managed to venture out of my room in search of food. Bert and Quinn's room next door is already pumping with loud music again. Man, they never quit!
Got to admit, it's quite tempting to go back there ... is that bad?
Hmmm, maybe I should give it a rest tonight. I don't have to party all the time.
7 p.m. OMG! I think Amy knows!
Or, it could just be hang-over paranoia. Still, when she found me in the cafeteria, the conversation didn't go so well.
"So? Had to go to bed early huh? Funny how you never even made it to class today isn't it?"
"Hmm? Oh ... well, no. It's not really that funny."
"Oh ha, ha, ha, you're such a comedian Gerard. So what did you really get up to last night?"
Darn it! I was always such a good liar, but she put me on the spot.
"- I went jogging ..."
What the fuck? She knows I don't jog.
"What? You don't jog!"
"I know. That's why I was too exhausted to go to class. Took everything out of me!"
Got to admit, that wasn't too bad. For an on the spot lie.
And, that was pretty much about the time she walked off. All I could do was sit there and roll my eyes. I was a shit-house boy friend. But, in my defense, what was I supposed to say?
"Oh you know, I got drunk and stoned and made out with Bert. You know the seedy looking homeless guy? Yeah ... that's the one? Oh and it's not the first time either. Who loves ya baby?"
Yah ... somehow, don't think that would have gone down very well. What was even worse ... my "best friend", as Mikey puts it, was sitting near-by, close enough to hear the heated conversation, and he was with that same guy we saw him with at the Starbucks in Jersey.
Now Frank knew I was not only a loud-mouth retard who liked to embarrass himself in front of people in a coffee shop, but he now knew I was a shit boyfriend and that I didn't jog.
... What? Why the fuck do I care what he thinks. Fuck him! With his stupid judgmental eyes. Why can't he mind his own fucking business.
9:30 p.m. My room. Oh fuck it! I can't stand it anymore! Party to loud, laughter to much! I have to be apart of that again!
lateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. baaaaad idea ... oh shit, spew bad 'gain.
Sunday, February 5th
88 kg (to much spewing and not enough food), 0 alcohol (nooo more ... ah!), 99 cigarettes (I stopped before 100 - very good), 2 joints (just to ease the pain).
9:30 a.m. Well, I'll admit, I'm feeling a little bit better. Probably because I spent all of Saturday sleeping and ignoring the raging Saturday night party that was now going on next door. Honestly, did they ever just take a break from it all?
At least it's quite this morning; I seriously don't envy the hang-over they'll all have today.
... Or maybe they're dead ... Na! No one ever died from drinking to much booze. That's just crazy!
I feel really bad though, I had to call Mikey and explain to him that it wasn't worth him coming to see me this weekend. I knew I wouldn't be very good company, not when I spent most of the day locked up in a cubicle in the toilets.
Bless Mikey's soul though, he sounded so worried. Told me I should probably stop drinking.
Amy visited me once during the day, only to tell me that it served me right and that I had to quit drinking.
Whatever, she can't tell me what to do! Mikey, on the other hand, brings up a valid point. I guess it wouldn't hurt me to stop drinking for a while.
10:30 a.m. Oh breakfast felt so good. Man, I didn't realize how hungry I was. One thing I love about Sunday's on campus ... Pancakes! Just the thing when you've been stoned all weekend.
I was so hungry and so out of it still that it didn't even bother me that I was eating on my own.
What does bother me though is that I really can't remember much about Friday night.
11:15 a.m. Safety of my room. What the hell is it with Frank Iero and being everywhere and anywhere this year?
There's something strange about that guy though ... I don't know what it is. Just, I dunno, the way he looked at me today ... it was just - hmmm, bizarre? That even the right word.
I mean, I've never really spoken to the guy, never even really said "hi" or "hey" or "yo" or waved to him or anything, yet the way he looked at me ... I dunno, it was just weird.
So anyway, I finished my breakfast and just sort of sat there, thinking. Okay, I was really just trying to remember what happened on Friday night, more importantly, what other stupid things I no doubt did.
That was when I looked up from my disappointedly empty plate and noticed another person sitting on their own just at the opposite table. Yes, it was Frank.
And the weirdest thing! He was just staring at his empty plate to, seemingly deep in thought. As I stared at him, he suddenly looked up at me, smirking as you usually would if you wanted to be polite after accidentally making eye contact with someone. But there was something about it ... I can't explain it.
Pity ... that even the right word? I don't know.
See, this is why I hate him! I don't understand people like that. Does he pity the fact I'm not as cool as him?
Anyway, I can't keep thinking about it. It's just going to drive me insane. Why is everything in my life always so messed up?
2 p.m. College: Library. Oh I really wish I had of let Mikey come and visit me this weekend. I am so bored!
Thought the library would actually help me think ... you know, meditation of sorts. People meditate in the library don't they? Certainly quite enough for it ... a little too quiet.
2:10 p.m. For fucks sake, surely they could have a CD playing or something. How do these people study in this awful silence?
2:15 p.m. Alrighty ... so lets think for a second. I went over to Bert's. We played that drinking game with the cards. Man, I can't remember the rules when I'm this sober to save myself.
So, we played that game ... nope, that's it. Clearly got wasted and then ... nothing. I don't remember anything after that.
Wait ... nope.
The weird thing is though, I woke up in my own bed. How did I get there? Maybe I just decided to sleep in my own room. That was a first. Still, best not to linger on it I think.
3 p.m. I hate not knowing! It's driving me nuts!
3:15 p.m. Maybe I should ask Bert ... or rather, ask his friend Quinn. He's usually the more alert one. I'm sure he'll be able to fill me in on what happened on Friday night.
Monday, February 6th
88 kg (I want pancakes), 2 beers (in the process of quitting ... can't afford vodka yet), 15 cigarettes (brilliant), 0 joints (I'm so not going back in that room).
10 a.m. College: My room. Ah! Last day of sleep in, classes start back tomorrow. At least we have art first thing. My favourite subject, without question. Shame my teacher doesn't like me. I really have no idea why though, he just decided one day that he didn't like me anymore.
People are weird.
Ben should be here soon. I should really get dressed and have some breakfast.
Na ... can't be bothered.
11 a.m. Yeah yeah, so I actually got out of bed in the end. Mainly because Ben came and woke me up.
"Hey hey Gee!"
"Huh? Wha? Oh hey Ben ... I was just - er - resting my eyes."
"Sure you were. You coming to the cafeteria to have breakfast with me?"
"Ben ... it's 11 a.m."
"Oh please Gee, I know you well enough to know you haven't eaten yet."
"I swear I was getting there ... just -"
"Resting your eyes - yeah, yeah I know."
Darn him. I swear I must be way to transparent. I need a new routine.
So, we headed down to breakfast and guess who was there! Amy! Just sitting there with her arms crossed, an untouched bowl of cereal sitting in front of her. And let me tell you, if looks could kill, I would have died over and over and over again.
"Err, hey Amy ... what's up?'
Stupid, so stupid! What I should have done was pretend I didn't see her and sit at a completely different table.
"What's up? You're not seriously asking me what's up?"
Ben quickly disappeared to go get some breakfast, which was actually lunch by this stage. There was certainly no bacon left ... shame. I really loved bacon.
Oh right ... my girl friend's pissed off.
"Um, well I did seriously ask that. But judging by your tone I'd say I probably should take it back."
"You know what Gerard -"
I flinched then, because she never uses my full name.
"- I deserve better then you. I really do. And I'm wasting my time with you at the moment. I need to focus on my studies, I need to focus on my life and you're not paying any attention to my needs."
I'm pretty sure I'd stopped breathing around about then. I was a jerk to her, I knew that, but I didn't actually think she'd leave me. We'd been together for two whole years!
"W-what are you saying?"
Stupid, stupid! I should have said something to make it better. Why am I such a dumb-ass?
"Gerard ... we need to take a break!"
"What? You're breaking up with me?"
"No! See, you're not even listening to me! I said a break ... we're taking a break. If you really want to be with me, you'll figure out the right thing to do to earn me back!"
With that, she got up from the table and walked off.
"Amy wait! ... You didn't finish your cereal."
I'm a fucking retard. My girl friend technically just broke up with me and that's all I could say.
I should never have gotten out of bed.
I don't want breakfast anymore.
4 p.m. It's afternoon and I'm in bed. What else was there to do?
I don't understand. I was a jerk to her, I didn't make any effort. I'm not even sure if I really loved her. Yet, I suddenly felt so alone. So empty.
I'm a fucking screw up! I can't do anything right!
4:15 p.m. You didn't finish your cereal!!!!! What the hell is wrong with me?
Ben came to check on me. He needn't have bothered. I'm not leaving this bed ... ever!
4:30 p.m. What the hell does taking a break even mean? GAH!
Thursday, February 9th
85 kg (don't feel like eating), 1/2 bottle of vodka (dove into my savings ... it was necessary), 30 cigarettes (good considering), 0 joints.
9 p.m. Little drunk ... but not drunk enough. Need to save the rest of my grog for the weekend. It's going to be a big one ... a lonely one.
Amy sits in the corner, laughing with her friends. There high pitched girly laughs ... pft, whatever.
I messaged Mikey and told him. He's a good brother, he's been calling me every night. I almost didn't pick up tonight, just didn't feel like talking all that much.
School sucks, I've only been to half my classes. Can't concentrate, can't be bothered.
My stupid art teacher Mr. Barry just gave me this look. The "I know you're upset and I wish I knew why so I could make it worse" look.
10 p.m. What do people do when they're feeling lonely? They look for people that can cure they're loneliness, of course.
Amy was all I had. No one had ever really made an effort or even been interested in me before. How was I ever going to find anyone else to love me? I'm going to die alone!
No, no I'm not. Stop thinking like that.
Guess I could always just go in and join Bert and Quinn's party next door ... no, that wont help.
10:30 p.m. Maybe it was the alcohol or perhaps I was just feeling particularly daring tonight. Either way, I grabbed my phone and began writing a message to my supposedly secret admirer.
Hey. Sorry if I scared you away.
So you at my college at the moment?
It wasn't anything particularly interesting, yet it made me feel better just knowing I had someone that might actually be a potential ... hmmm, a potential what?
I didn't even know if this person was a guy or a girl. Were they actually interested in me or were they just some lonely loser like I was, looking for attention?
11 p.m. Hmm, well there goes that relationship before it even began.
Friday, February 10th
85 kg, too much alcohol, too many cigarettes, too much pot, 2 packets of Doritos.
9 a.m. Didn't go to class today, woke up to late. I did however have a very interesting breakfast conversation with the most unlikeliest of people. Bert McCracken and his best friend Quinn.
First of all, it was the first time I had ever, and I mean ever, seen them outside of their room. Truthfully, all they ever did was sit around drinking and smoking weed. I had to admit, I was stunned to see them.
What was even more surprising was that they seemed to be doing some sort of calculation on a calculator. I mean, not only are they eating breakfast with the rest of the school, but they're actually doing class work!
Because, they never ever go to class either. I'm not really sure why they even go to college half the time. Guess it gives them something to do.
So I headed over there, ignoring the look Frank Iero and his stupid football playing friends were giving me. Quinn and Bert were busy giggling to themselves.
"And what does 8008 look like on a calculator?" Quinn asked a rather stoned looking Bert.
"Yeah! Alright, alright BOOB! Ha ha BOOB!"
I don't even think they noticed me.
"What if we had 2 calculators and we put them next to each other."
You know, when he uses his brain, Bert's actually quite a clever guy.
Quinn just stared looking thoroughly excited. "YES! YES! YES! Find one ... YES!"
"Um, hey guys."
Okay, so i really had no idea what the hell I was going to say. But there I was.
Bert just laughed ... yup, definitely stoned.
"Hey, hey, hey, HEY Gee. What's the haps?"
So, it was kind of nice to be acknowledged and actually have someone happy to see me, but that was beside the point.
"Uh-yeah ... hey. So um, I was wondering ..."
Oh just say it.
"What the hell happened to me last Friday night? I mean, I don't really remember much after the drinking game."
It took them a while to reply. They were probably trying to remember what day it was and which Friday I was talking about. You tend to loose your perspective when you smoke so much pot.
"You wondered off man! Muttered something about finding Voldamort to avenge your parents death and then you just sort of stumbled out."
Hmmm, knew I shouldn't have watched Harry Potter whilst I was smoking weed. Good thing Quinn actually had the capability to stop drinking before he mentally blacked out.
"Oh ... how'd I wake up in my room then?"
Is it bad that I wasn't at all surprised I had done something like that?
"Er, that guy helped you out. No idea who he is but."
I turned to see what guy Quinn was pointing at. I laughed when I saw where he was pointing, it couldn't have been him. So I asked again.
"Ha ha! No really. Who was it?"
"What? It was really that guy Gee. Um, what's his name? Hank ... Bank ... Sam maybe?"
"Frank? You seriously mean Frank?"
I almost fell over.
"Yeah, that's the guy. We went looking for you after you didn't come back and we saw him helping you to your room. Man, you were like passed out and drooling all over him, muttering something about your wands connecting and seeing your parents -"
"That's some kinky shit!"
You can always trust Bert to turn anything dirty.
"Anyway ... Frank said something about you throwing up in the hallway and asked which room was yours. That's about it really."
Oh man! Talk about fucking embarrassing!
Why the hell would Frank bother to help me? Boy did I feel like shit for bagging him out all those times.
Bert asked me if I wanted to have breakfast with them, but there were to many thoughts running around in my head. I had to get out of there.
I mean, do I say thanks to Frank? I technically never talk to him, we have nothing in common! His friends would probably beat me up if I so much as turned in their direction.
Man, I need to call Mikey.
10 p.m. College: Bert and Quinn's room. PARTAY!!!!!!!! WOOT!!!!!!!!!! So I can't stay away ... sue me!
Saturday, February 11th
84 kg, 5 beers (but social beers with Mikey), 28 cigarettes, 2 joints (who knew Mikey smoked pot).
9:30 a.m. Ack! Hang over! Still ... it's not too bad.
I wonder how long it would take me to get to the nearest Maccas. I really want an egg and bacon roll.
9:45 a.m. Mikey's coming to visit me today!
9:50 a.m. Is it wrong we spend so much time together?
10 a.m. Oh who gives a sh - ohhhhhhhhhh we can get Maccas for lunch. Double Cheeseburger!
Noon. College. Library. Mikey insisted on hiring out some book, I dunno. Man that kid can be so weird sometimes. And so ... here we are. Bastard hasn't even taken me to Maccas yet, he's so selfish.
Still, at least he listened to my rather bizarre story about last Friday night.
"Okay, so last Friday ... I was drinking and -"
"Oh what a surprise."
"Oh ha ha, fuckity, ha Mikey. You're like sooooooo funny."
"So anyway. I got pretty drunk and wondered off ... spewed in some hall way or something."
"Gee, you know you're not supposed to go off on your own when you drink. You know what you're like."
"You sound just like your mother!"
"Yeah well, forgive me for worrying about you every now and then."
"You're forgiven. So anyway ... weirdest thing. Guess who helped me back to my room?"
"Ummm, Harry Potter?"
Mikey sucked at these guessing games.
"No ... funny you should say that though because, get this, I was Harry Potter ... least I thought I was. Anyway, that's a different story. No, it was Frank Iero."
And then we spent the next half hour discussing why Frank would have even bothered helping me. I mean, sure, I know that sounds terrible, but really, people like Frank Iero don't associate with people like me. It was a written rule or something!
"Wow! Did you like say thanks?"
"Um, no. Do you think I should?"
It was the right thing to do. Wasn't it?
Wait! What am I saying? I can't talk to Frank, his friends would beat me up!
"I dunno ... Maybe. I mean, he could have just left you in the hallway you know."
"I know that! Maybe I was just in his way or something."
"Yeah true. But, that didn't mean he had to take you back to your room."
"Maybe he's not as much of a jerk as you made him out to be. I mean, we don't actually know him after all."
"I never made him out to be a jerk!"
"Yes you did! The very first time you walked past him you turned to me and said - 'Hey Mikes, that guys a jerk.'"
And the conversation pretty much went on like that until Mikey suddenly remembered he needed a book. And here we are.
1:30 p.m. Do I say thanks? What if he only helped me because I was just in his way? What if a teacher or something made him help me?
Na, I would only humiliate myself if I went up to talk to him.
Sunday, February 12th
84 kg, 8 beers (they were called for), 88 cigarettes, 0 joints (can never be seen next door again), no. of awkward conversations with next door neighbours: 1.
8 a.m. Gah! Mikey had to leave early, doesn't mean the little brat had to wake me up. Maybe we can get Maccas for breakfast.
10:30 a.m. Oh man ... that Maccas was so worth it.
1 p.m. College. My room. Okay ... what the hell just happened? I think I'm still in shock from the conversation I just had with Quinn.
"Hey Gee, what's shakin?"
I think it's the first time we've ever had a sober conversation.
"Oh hey Quinn ... just, you know, seizing the day."
I closed my lap top as he sat on my bed. I wasn't sure if they'd loose what little respect they had for me if they knew I played World of Warcraft every Sunday.
"Cool! But hey, I was just wondering ..."
I should have known right then by the smile on his face that this wasn't going to be something I wanted to hear.
"... What would you say if Bert was to ask you out?"
"I'm sorry. What? For a moment I thought you just asked me what I would say if Bert asked me out."
"Yeah ... you know, he's my best mate and well, he's kind of interested in you. Okay, he's really interested in you. So ... what do you think?"
Followed by more silence.
What the hell were you supposed to say to something like that?
"Ermmmm - well ... I'm not really into guys."
Why did he sound so surprised? Why did he look so confused? Sure I'd hooked up with Bert, but wasn't that what all the kids were doing now-a-days? Experimenting or something a rather.
"Yeah ... p-plus, I just broke up with my girl friend you know. We'd been going out for 2 years ... don't think I'm really ready for any relationships just yet."
Holy fuck! Why did I just say that? I didn't have to explain it to him, I didn't have to justify myself. The fist answer was good enough, the second just made it sound like I would actually consider the offer at a later date.
I can still see that knowing smile on Quinn's face. AHHHHH! Am such an idiot.
7 p.m. I hate Sundays!
8:30 p.m. I'm officially never going to be able to sleep tonight now. I am such an idiot!
"Gypsy's, Tramps and thieves, we'd hear it from the people of the town -"
What the hell?
How the fuck does Mikey always manage to change my message tone when he's here?
More importantly, who the hell would be messaging me?
Na, you didn't scare me away. I just got
the impression you didn't want me texting
you anymore. Sorry about the whole hooking
up with Bert question and yeah, I knew you
had a girl friend, was just curious. Yeah,
am at college. Slow year.
Wow! Is it wrong to say I was quite excited when the text started updating half way through me reading it. I don't think I've ever gotten a long text message before. Most of the people that message me are text-challenged.
Do I write back?
My life has been such a mess lately that I don't think anything good can possibly come of this little text relationship.
I think I'll leave it.
8:45 p.m. Oh who am I kidding:
I don't mind the texting and sorry if I gave
you that impression. Oh and the girl friend
isn't around anymore, we're "taking a break".
Always remember, curiosity killed the cat.
Shit! Why do I always have to sound like such a fucking retard when I text. "Curiosity killed the cat"? OMG! What am I like 90?
9:30 p.m. I wonder if there's like social therapy where I can go to learn how to speak to people better, get my point across without making a total ass of myself.
"Gypsy’s, tramps and thieves -"
Just the very thought that Mikey takes time in actually downloading these tones is enough to make me worry about his health.
Always remember, satisfaction bought him back.
What the fuck?
Who is this person?
9:45 p.m. "Satisfaction bought him back". Does that mean that they're satisfied with the lie I gave them about not making out with Bert?
Am I thinking too much into this?
10 p.m. Argh! Why can't my brain just shut down so I can sleep.
Tuesday, February 14th
85 kg, 1/2 bottle of vodka (valentines day treat), 12 cigarettes (wow!), 3 joints (valentines day treat).
8 a.m. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! VALENTINES DAY!
Kill me now ...
... I need a drink.
8:30 a.m. Okay, so more awake now. But still pissed off at stupid holiday. This is the worst day ever!
Girls walking around getting roses handed to them by some poor awkward looking freshman who's been forced to hand them out just because some moron didn't have the balls to give it to the girl themselves.
Then there's the girls that give out the mushy cards to the tough guys who probably can't even read.
With no girl friend this year, perhaps I can get away with just walking around pretending I didn't know what day it was.
9 a.m. No such luck.
Everything's pink. Everything's floral. Everything looks so gay!
People are getting handed chocolates, cards, flowers. People are chatting animatedly to loved ones on the phone, text messages are being received everywhere you look. Everyone's laughing, everyone's happy, everyone's so "la la la" ... bleh! Make's me sick!
Oh man! Even the scrambled eggs are pink.
Ewwwwww ... actually they're not that bad.
I mean ... ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
11 a.m. On my way to class. Ran into Quinn ... Ha! So he does actually go to class.
"Hey man ... Valentines Day piss up at our place tonight. Be there or be square."
"Valentines Day piss up?"
Quinn just laughed.
"Oh please, don't sound so surprised. We'll use any excuse to get wasted."
11:15 a.m. Oh man, my phone just vibrated in the middle of art class - Cher singing out across the eerily silent room.
I swear Mr. Barry just looked at my as though he wanted nothing more then to smash my canvas over my head.
Happy Valentines Day!
You're new message tone
is my gift to you.
Now, he knows I hate Valentines Day, he's always known! ... He so did that to piss me off.
1 p.m. So not going to my afternoon class. I've had it with this day.
"Gypsy’s, tramps and thieves -"
Okay, I really have to make an effort to change this one.
Ah! It's that mystery texter again:
Happy Valentines Day ...
As lame as that sounds.
You looked like you needed it.
... Wow! I had to admit. I kind of felt better.
1:15 p.m. Ack! I have one of those stupid "I feel so special", smiles on my face. Just like all the girls that got mystery roses.
Fuck! I'm such a pansy!
Still, nice to know someone's thinking of me. Even though it's really annoying me not knowing who this person is.
"Gypsy’s, tramps and thieves -"
Huh? Woah! Three messages in one day? It's some kind of record.
Hey babe! Howz it all going?
I missed u today. Valentines Day,
u member it? Maybe we should
catch up 4 coffee sometime
this week. Let me know if ur free.
Luv Amy xxoo
... That Valentines Day piss up is looking real good right about now.
Wednesday, February 15th
Okay, so yesterday wasn't so bad. Could have been a lot worse. Still, the party was kind of awkward. It was the first time I'd really seen Bert since Quinn kind of admitted that he maybe, perhaps wanted to go out with me.
One thing that I had to give the guy credit for though, he certainly knew how to make everything less weird. He just jumps on you, kisses you on the check and then laughs and pushes you around, just like he does with everyone else. Like it's the most natural thing in the world. I mean, I seriously don't get the guy.
Quinn was just giving me this knowing look as a drunken Bert pulled me aside.
"I got you a Valentines Day present."
I was too drunk to really worry about what it was. But when he reached in his pocket he pulled out probably the best gift a guy could ask for. A bag of pot.
"I love it!"
Drunken words. I hope he didn't think I was hitting on him.
Still, it was a very thoughtful gift. Better then chocolates, better then flowers ... he certainly knew me well enough to know just the right thing to get me.
Tuesday, February 21st
88 kg (hmmm!), 0 alcohol (to sober to deal with this crap, but have no money), 0 cigarettes (to un-fumigated to deal with this crap, but have no money), 2 joints (thanks Bert).
8 p.m. If I had a dollar for every problem I had at the moment, well, I'd probably have enough money to buy enough beer to be drunk enough to deal with all the problems I have at the moment.
I need a job ... Not just for money, just for a distraction.
So, where to even begin?
First of all, the weekend was the worst. Mikey blew me off. I don't even know why. Something's up with him, I just don't know what it is.
"Hey Mikes ... we have to check out the new pub that just opened up down the road and -"
"Um Gee, sorry man, I can't make it this weekend dude."
"Oh, that's cool Mikes ... got a hot date?"
Yes, I'm not completely stupid, I did notice his snappish response. I just hated that if he did have a hot date he was keeping it from me. I didn't like it when my brother kept things from me. I don't even know why he'd want to keep something like that from me.
So, with no excuse that I could come up with, Amy somehow managed to swindle me into going on a coffee date with her.
"Gee ... I'll be honest. I miss you. But so far you haven't done anything to show me you actually want me back."
"I've been kind of busy lately."
Why was I such a fucking moron? I did want her back didn't I?
"Yeah? Doing what?"
"Well ... I went to the college gym yesterday."
It was true! I know right ... I can't believe it either. Guess it was a rare moment of weakness for me.
"Oh for what? Like 15 minutes?"
"And I'm 15 minutes stronger for it."
"Alright Gee, I'll give you your space. You're clearly not mature enough for a real relationship yet. When you are ... well, you've got my number."
And that was it.
Now she's left me feeling like an absolute bastard.
I am grown up! But I'm also only 21, you're not supposed to be settled by this age, I'm supposed to be adventurous. Just a shame I've got no one else to be adventurous with.
I'll be a lonely loser forever. Man, I really, really, REALLY must look into social therapy. Why do I always have to be such a bitch?
Oh, and once again, that wasn't even the worst part. Yesterday, half-way through art class, I had to pee. Fascinating right? ... Na, not really.
For a moment I actually thought Mr. Barry wasn't going to let me, he just gave me that look again. This time it was more like an "I'd rather smack you in the back of the head then let you go to the toilet" type look.
The corridors are pretty quite about this time, usually because everyone's either in class, in the library or in the case of Bert and Quinn, getting wasted in their room. Naturally, I was quite surprised when I saw a familiar figure walking towards me, clearly heading in the opposite direction.
It was Frank Iero, derrr. Did you really think I would go this many days without having some running in with him?
His hair was different though ... No, I don't usually notice this sort of stuff, but how could I not? It was half blonde, half deep brown. The blonde-half was cut short, the dark half was left slightly longer, a side fringe hanging down into his eyes.
It shouldn't suit anyone! But it suited him. I hated him for that.
Yet, that wasn't the first thought that jumped into my head. Here he was, walking down the hall, in a second he would be walking straight past me. Was I really going to be that much of a jerk and just keep my head down and not say anything?
"Er, hey Frank."
OMG! I still can't even fucking believe I said anything!
Then, I sort of just froze up.
He had a lip ring, he had a punk hair cut, he even had tattoos! He was too cool! ... I couldn't talk to cool people like that. Man, I still can't get over how I sort of just stood there, looking at this guy close-up for the first time. It was beyond surreal.
"Hey ... er, Gerard right?"
Oh shit! I said his name straight out, darn it, I could have pretended like I didn't know it or something. I mean, I'd never even spoken to this guy before, how do I explain knowing his name?
"Um ... yeah, that's right. Look, I just wanted to say - ummm - thanks."
And then, he gave me this look. In fact, it almost looked like he was worried about something. Probably that he was going to be caught talking to a loser like me.
"Oh ... um, about what?"
Now, naturally, my first thought was HOLY SMOKING DONKEY BALLS! Because I seriously thought Quinn must have had the wrong person and Frank had never helped me at all.
"H-helping me out the other night ... t-that was you wasn't it?"
"Oh that! Yeah, that was me ... No probs."
"Probs"! ... he even talked cool.
And the way he said "Oh that!" ... What did he think I was thanking him for? Then he said it.
"You were - um - kinda shouting something about Cedric Diggory being dead? -"
Oh man, he looked so confused
"- some people were sleeping, just figured it would be best to move you."
He looked longingly up the hall in the direction he had been previously heading in, clearly eager to get away from me.
"Oh ... yeah. Well, that was a g-good idea. Um, well, see ya round."
And with that, I practically ran the fuck away from him.
See! You see!
I knew he only helped me because it would benefit him in some way or other. Stupid people that didn't party on a Friday night! Who would be sleeping at that hour?
What hour was it?
... Stupid Frank! I knew I was right ... I knew he was a jerk!
Wednesday, February 22nd
Had to stop feeling sorry for myself today so actually got out of bed and went to a class. Hung out with Ben in the afternoon. Poor guy, I kind of haven't been hanging out with him much lately. I was so caught up in the party scene.
Maybe I should start focusing more on keeping what I do have in check, just so I don't loose anybody else.
Thursday, February 23rd
80 - err - something (lost scales), 5 beers (but happy beers), 9 cigarettes (don't ask), 0 joints.
Midnight. Okay ... surprisingly, not such a bad day. You wouldn't believe what happened!
I met someone new! A female someone new. An attractive female someone new.
I know right! Exciting!
So anyway, I was wondering through the school just thinking about stuff and things, then the next thing I knew I had wondered into the library. People already thought I was a freak; last thing I wanted was to be caught in the library. Then I'd become a nerdy freak! I'd be beaten up for sure!
And anyway, I only really read comic books and college library's don't keep those.
Once I noticed where I was, I panicked then quickly turned around and ran smack-bang into this unsuspecting red-haired girl, sending the books she had been holding flying off everywhere.
"Oh fuck! ... Shit sorry!"
I felt so bad for running into her, messing up her books and then swearing at her, but it was the first thing that came out of my mouth.
To my great surprise, she just giggled.
"That's alright. Um ... I'm Sarah."
And, that was how we met. I introduced myself, helped her pick up her books and then left.
Hard to get game you see. She'll be begging for more.
... Hmmmm, should I have asked her if she wanted a coffee?
NO! No Gerard! Slow ... take it slow.
I wonder if there's any left over Doritos lying around …
AN: I'm sorry, it's really REALLY long. But enjoy it, cause the next update wont be until Saturday and it's Thursday as I'm posting this.
For your information: Maccas ... sorry, but that is McDonalds. Apparently americans don't say that, lol. We like to abreviate words down this way. But yeah, you may already know that, but there you go, now you do.
To everyone who reviewed ... you complete me. I love you long time. Hope I don't disappoint. I have big plans. LOL! I'll try and put more Ferard in the next one. Do people even like that anymore? LOL. That's the question for today ha ha. Ferard: Yes or no?????