Happy Belated Birthday Kit (ficfriction)
This is for you Kit! I love you
“So, you have a break next week from interviews and appearances?” Emmi asked hopefully into the phone. It was four months after her fateful encounter with Ryan and Panic in the hospital, and she and Ryan were going strong. They made sure to meet up at least once a week – it turned out to be approximately once every two and a half days – and the presence of Ryan in her life had frozen all of Emmi's ideas about suicide.
After returning from the hospital all those weeks ago, Emmi instantly moved out of her careless parents’ house and into a small townhouse with her long-time gal-pal Kit, another Panic addicted fan. The girls had been friends ever since Emmi was 15 and Kit was 17. They grew up in school in Florida together, but now live in Los Angeles. Kit was the complete opposite of Emmi – outgoing, happy. And of high self esteem.
“Yeah, at least a month, and three weeks until we hit the road again,” Ryan chuckled in reply. Emmi sat down on her bed, bringing her legs up under her; phone wedged between her shoulder and ear; one hand playing with her silver charm bracelet on her other wrist, covering up the scars from the past. On her other wrist lay six faith bracelets – a My Chemical Romance fan oriented bracelet made of red and black ribbon to show faith to band, and to know you're not alone out there.
“Bring me back a charm from Vegas?” Emmi asked softly. Ryan bought her the charm bracelet on their third date, and ever since had been filling it with charms from the various destinations he went to.
“Bought it already. I'll be there in around three hours, and then we can hang out.”
“Okay, just... we have to be careful. Kit's in one of her extremely happy moods right now, and I don't want her to sugar-coat you or anything.”
“Has there ever been an instance where Kit hasn't attempted to sugar-coat me?”
“Hehe good point. Okay, I'll see you soon.”
“Sure. I love you, bye.”
“Yeah... bye,” Emmi replied, too shocked to formulate a response for Ryan's sudden proclamation. As she placed the phone back into the cradle on her nightstand, Kit burst into her room, holding a plate of Mars Bar cookies.
“Emmi, you've gotta try on of – oh, what happened?” She asked, noticing her friend’s blank expression and her downcast eyes.
“Ryan... said he loved me,” she whispered out, still unable to fathom what her boyfriend admitted.
“About time,” Kit said, sitting on the bed next to Emmi and handing her a cookie to which the younger girl nibbled slightly at. Kit noticed Emmi's expression not shifting, so she placed a hand on her friend’s knee, which helped snap Emmi out of her reverie. “What's wrong girl?”
“I... I think I love him too,” she replied, casting her head down again. Kit lifted Emmi's chin with the brush of her thumb.
“I'm glad. You two deserve each other,” she said, getting up and heading back to the kitchen with the plate of cookies in hand. Emmi lifted herself off the bed, pulling her acoustic guitar from beside her closet, sitting back on her bed, strumming out the opening chords to “Stop and Stare”, quietly singing along.
You’re not worthy of his love.
Ryan closed his cell, slipping it back into his pocket, a confused expression knitted on his features.
“Ryro, what's up?” Jon asked as he played with the gold band on his finger – an eternity ring from Spencer, after being together for two and a half years.
“It's nothing, don't worry. Hey, do you think Emmi will like these two charms?” Ryan questioned, showing his band mates the two charms he purchased earlier – one a music note with a diamond set in, the other a dollar sign.
“She'll like whatever you give her, lover-boy,” Brendon announced, earning his head a slap from Spencer.
“She'll love them Ry,” Spencer replied as Brendon dramatically rubbed his head in feign pain. Ryan chuckled at Brendon and Spencer's antics before walking off to the vending machine in the airport terminal, purchasing a bottle of vitamin water.
“Flight X983 to Los Angeles is now boarding at Gate 2. Can all first class passengers make their way through. Jon, Brendon and Spencer stood, walking to get Ryan before they headed to their gate.
“I heard you say you love her,” Spencer whispered in Ryan's ear.
“I just hope she loves me back.”
Kit was bustling round the kitchen, baking her famous blueberry muffins, anticipating the arrival of Ryan. She heard Emmi warn Ryan earlier about the potential sugar-coating, so instead she felt like being nice to the guy and baking a peace offering. Plus they were Emmi's favourites, and for the past two hours she had been holed up in her room, playing love ballads and sickly sweet songs on her guitar. It was very odd for a girl who listened to punk, emo, and hardcore music like Emmi did.
Just as she removed the final tray from the oven and placed them on the counter, a light knock could be heard at the front door. Seeing as Emmi was preoccupied upstairs, to caught up in her own “Ryan loves me” world, Kit took it upon herself to answer it, muttering about timing under her breath. She opened the door to behold...
Jon and Spencer making out on the hood of Kit's car; Brendon bouncing like a kid who's had too much sugar; and Ryan leaning beside the door, waiting patiently for it to open.
“Holy mother of god, that is fucking hot,” Kit muttered under her breath, which caused Ryan to look at her. “And who the fuck gave Brendon Red Bull?”
At the sound of his name, Brendon calmed down a substantial amount, and gave Kit a long hard look, as if checking her out.
“Oh, sorry Ryan. Hello, won't you come in?” She asked good-naturedly, pushing the door further open and shepherding him in. Seeing Ryan moving through the house, Brendon whistled to Jon and Spencer, who had attempted to start removing articles of clothing, to follow. They pulled apart, keeping together at the hands before joining Brendon in walking into the little house that was 768 Aylmer Boulevard. As Jon and Brendon made themselves comfortable on the couch, with Spencer sitting on Jon's lap, Ryan looked around the ground floor, searching for his girlfriend, and looking slightly hurt when he couldn't find her.
“She's upstairs,” Kit supplied, noticing the expression on her friends face. As Ryan started taking to the stairs, Kit sat herself down between Jon and Brendon and caught up with the boys whom she hadn't had a conversation more than three words long with in almost a month.
As Ryan ascended the stairs, he could hear a soft melody flowing from the direction of Emmi's bedroom. It was a female's voice to an acoustic guitar, so he imagined Emmi has chosen to listen to some of her light-pop to get her to sleep. He slowly crept towards her room, making sure he didn't step on the creaky floorboards in case she was in actual fact asleep, opening her door lightly so it wouldn't creak. What he saw though was much cuter and heart wrenching than his girlfriend curled up and sleeping on her king-sized bed. He saw the raven haired woman bent over an acoustic guitar, strumming out the chords to “Camisado” whilst singing along in a barely audible voice, tears streaming down her milky skin, hand shaking as she placed her fingers along the correct positions on the frets. Ryan could only stand in the doorway and stare. Her voice had mesmerised him, putting a spell over him so he couldn't move.
“This was no accident, it was a therapeutic chain of events,” Emmi sang out quietly, her voice laced with passion and pain. Ryan took a step into the room, slipping his left hand into his pockets, on a beeline for the girls’ bed.
“That was so beautiful Emmi,” he admitted, sitting on the bed next to her and wiping her tears away. “I never knew you could play or sing that well.”
Emmi chuckled and lifted her head, interlocking her and Ryan's hands. “But my voice is nowhere near as good as yours.”
“Enough of that babygirl, I have a present for you,” he continued, pulling a small cardboard box out his pocket and placing it in her spare hand. Emmi, being the naturally inquisitive girl she was, broke her hand away and opened the little package, squealing when the two little chunks of silver fell out onto her hand. Picking them up one at a time, she studies them carefully before adding them to her bracelet, which was fit to burst with almost 50 charms.
“I love them. I love you,” Emmi admitted, before launching herself on Ryan in a kissing frenzy.
She loves me back!
Kit leaned back into the sofa, groaning as Jon and Spencer started kissing yet again. Brendon chuckled and turned towards her, rotating so that his back was flush against the armrest.
“So what's a pretty girl like you doing in such drab clothes as those?” He quipped, and Kit couldn't help but laugh. She was dressed in a simple black mid-thigh skirt and a flour coated red tank.
“Are you sure you're not gay and waiting for Ryan to realise he's madly in love with you?” She giggled back, finding it hard to contain her comment.
“Do you want me to prove it to you that I, Brendon Boyd Urie, am not gay?” He shot back, leaning in closer so his face was inches from hers, his breath hot on her cheeks, which by this point were inflamed scarlet. Kit cautiously leaned her head in; unsure if this was all a joke, or even worse, a dream. However, her lips were met with the plump red ones of Brendon, eliciting a moan from Kit as she returned with passion, feeling Brendon smile into the kiss. But the sweet feeling was broken all to quickly as a peircing sream was emitted from the second floor. Kit instantly pulled from Brendon's embrace, as much as she didn't want to, bolting up the stairs, pushing open the door to her girlfriends bedroom.
But the sight Kit was met with was something beyond her imagination – Emmi, hunched in the corner, her knees to her chest, tears flowing freely down her pale cheeks, her bodt shaking; and Ryan, sitting on the bed, confusion knitted on his features, all colour drained from his face, except for a pink patch on his left cheek, to which he was rubbing gently.
“What happened up here?” Brendon asked, moving into the doorway as Kit headed for her friend. But as the older girl got closer to her friend, Emmi glanced up, shrinking further into the corner, shaking even more visibly.
“I-I don't know. One minute we were kissing on her bed, and the next thing I knew, she had slapped me and hid away,” Ryan rplied, his voice full of strained, painful emotions.
“Baby, what happened?” Kit asked, crouching down and placing a hand on Emmi's left shoulder.
“Don't touch me!' She sobbed, shrugging off the friendly hand, recoiling even further. Kit was deep in thought as she tried to identify what had har friend in so much pain. It dawned upon her almost instantly, making her features soften and her eyes begin to dampen.
“Baby, it's okay. Ryan is not like him; he'll never do that to you,” Kit spoke softly, letting the tears fall as Emmi let herself be embraced.
“How do I know for sure though? I never thought Jason would, but he did. When I let myself trust Sam, he turned out to be exactly like Jason. So do you honestly blame me for not trusting Ryan fully?” Emmi questioned, tears continuously streaming down her face.
“What happened sugar? What did Jason and Sam do to you thats making you so scared of me?” Ryan inquired, slowly pulling himself off the bed and shuffling over to his terrified girlfriend.
“N...n...n..no,” she whined out, shrinking into Kit's hug. Kit and Emmi exchanged whispers while Brendon entered the bedroom, heading over to his friend and grasping his hand.
“Are you okay?” The vocalist asked, looking concerned. Ryan squeezed his friends hand, and nodded his head slightly.
“She's had a really bad past with boyfriends,” Kit started, sighing deeply. “All of them turned out to be abusive.”
Ryan let Brendon's hand fall as he hurried to his girlfriend, holding her close to his body, gently shushing her as she sobbed into his chest.
“I'm going to leave you two to talk. Come on Brendon,” Kit said, heading towards the door, motioning for Brendon to follow.
"I need to hear this too, especially when they get all kissy-kissy," Brendon smirked, before yelping in pain as Kit's hand connected with the back of his head.
“Come on you big bear, lets make our way downstairs, and you can have some of those cookies I promised earlier.” Brendon succumbed to the promise of cookies, bounding down the stairs with Kit, halting as they entered the lounge.
"No sex on my couch," Kit growled out to a shirtless Jon and underwear clad Spencer, who shot apart blushing, hurriedly pulling their clothes back on.
"If I'm not getting any, they can't either," Kit muttered under her breath as she and Brendon headed to the kitchen.
“Are you sure you're not getting any?” Brendon smiled, pulling Kit into his arms and lowering his mouth to her awaiting lips.
Emmi continued sobbing into Ryan's shirt, even after he relocated them to her soft bed. He just kept stroking her hair with one hand and holding her wrist with the other, his long fingers ghosting over her scars. He kissed the top of her head and heard her sigh softly. Emmi burrowed into his chest, closing her eyes and letting sleep wash over her.
If only what he said is true. You can't trust him
Jon and Spencer were sat on the couch, talking about nothing in particular after their interruption earlier.
“Hey, do you reckon Brendon and Kit will ever realise they love each other?” Spencer asked, playing with his boyfriends fingers. A throaty moan could be heard in the kitchen, provoking the boys to giggle.
“I suppose that answers our question,” Jon laughed, shaking his head before pulling Spencer into an embrace.
“Let's hope he won't do anything stupid,” Spencer sighed, snuggling into the warmth that was Jon. As Spencer removed himself, heading for the kitchen to grab a drink, he gasped in shock at the sight he was met with – Brendon slowly thrusting into Kit – his pants around his knees; her skirt over her hips; both bent over the worktop. He hurried out there as fast as possible, collapsing onto the couch, beginning to laugh. Jon shot him a 'what the fuck' look, thinking his boyfriend was slightly crazy.
“Brendon and Kit are most certainly together,” he choked out, tears streaming from his eyes due to laughing too hard.
“How do you mean?” Jon asked, still confused.
“I caught them doing the dirty!”
“NO!” Jon smiled, imagining the two, who had known and been friends for months, since Emmi's little hospital visit, finally together, in all senses of the word.
“Go look for yourself,” Spencer smirked. Jon, being the curious individual he was, stood and headed for the kitchen, peering around the door to witness Brendon burying himself into Kit; her back against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, her fingers in his hair, softly crying out his name as he held her firmly by the hips, kissing her neck, right where the stars of her tattoo sat. Jon was growing hard at the sight before his eyes, backing away from the door, scribbling a note on a post-it, sticking it to the coffee table, grabbing Spencer's hand and heading for the door.
“Where are we going?” The drummer asked.
“Kit said no sex on her couch. I'm horny and want to fuck my boyfriend, so we're going to a hotel. I left a note for the others.”
And what was written on said note?
Wanted some alone time. Call us on our cells when you leave, meet you at the hotel. Xoxo Jon and Spence xox
Emmi woke from her nap with a start. She pulled herself carefully out of Ryan's arms, heading for the bathroom, locking herself in. She gazed into the mirror, staring long and hard at her distorted reflection.
He doesn't love you. How can he love someone as ugly as you?
Emmi shook her head to remove the thoughts from her mind.
You're nothing. Just some girl with a bad past and a worse future. He can do better than you.
“No, you're lying. You're not even there,” she whispered to her reflection, gripping the edges of the basin.
You better believe it girl. He;s going to throw you away in a matter of days. You've blown your chances – no-one loves a depressed girl.
Emmi decided a cold showernwould remove the thoughts from her head. She stripped out of her clothes, removing her jewellery, and turning the shower on, getting it to the desired temperature. She climbed in, closing the curtain behind her, allowing to water to rain over her small body.
You're a good for nothing piece of crap!
“Stop it!” She screamed out, hands flying to her ears, covering them.
Ryan's eyes fluttered open, his body noticing the absence of his girlfriend; the girlfriend who he would ask tonight to move in with him. All to soon he heard a familiar voice scream, and he bolted in the direction it came from. He discovered Emmi in the bathroom, taking a shower, the door locked. He figured she was yelling at the shower radio, like she normally does, to tune in propely and stop being so static-y. He wandered downstairs, leaving her alone to shower.
She won't do anything stupid... will she?
The voices were droning in Emmi's head. She was unable to shake them from her consciousness.
Just do it. You know you want to. No one loves you.
Emmi's hand involuntarily started seeking out the razor Kit left in the shower from earlier today, when she shaved her legs. Realising what she was doing, Emmi snapped her hand away.
Now, come on; life will be so much easier if you do. No more pain, no more suffering; no more rape.
Emmi gave into the voices in her head, grabbing the razor and bringing it to her wrists, cutting deep; deeper than ever before; her blood pouring down her arms, mixing with the water as it ran down the drain, leaving the 19 year old lightheaded.
Kit and Brendon emerged from the kitchen, both beaming, content with their “secret” hook-up. Kit sat herself on the couch next to Ryan, who was busy scribbling into his notebook. Brendon sat the other side of her, pulling her into a hug.
“You two are finally together then after three months of crushing?” Ryan asked, never once looking from his notebook.
“How did you know?” Kit squeaked out.
“Just do. After all, I am Ryan Ross,” he laughed out, the other two joining in. Their laughter was broken when they heard a crash from upstairs. Ryan and Kit shot up like lightening, bother banging on the door to the bathroom, attempting to communicate with Emmi behind the locked door.
“Emmi, honey, open up,” Ryan pleaded.
“What if she's done something stupid?” Kit whispered, tears falling down her cheeks, slumping down the wall onto the floor.
“She wouldn't do that, not after last time,” Ryan said, trying to convince himself more than Kit. Brendon soon joined them, holding tight onto Kit as Ryan started to bash the door down. It took him ten minutes in the end, stumbling through the door, heading directly for the shower, which was still running. He shakily pulled back the curtain, terrified at what he could possibly be met with. Nothing could prepare him for what he saw. Ryan carefully pulled Emmi's limp body into his arms after turning off the water, making his way out of the bathroom.
“Call an ambulance,” he wailed out, unaware that he was weeping.
“What!? Why?” Brendon interrogated.
“Brendon, call a fucking ambulance!”
She awoke to the all too familiar surroundings of a white room, monitors beeping around her; I.V and blood dripping into her body; her arms wrapped in the starchy bandages; her throat dry and eyelids heavy. The only difference was that this time when she roused, both her hands were being firmly held onto – her left by Ryan, who was sleeping gently, his head resting on her legs; her right by both Spencer and Jon, the younger asleep on his boyfriends lap, worry contorting both their faces. Kit was asleep on the bed with her, curled into the crook of her right arm, soundlessly sleeping. Brendon, she noted, was sitting on the chair beneath Ryan, his arms wrapped around the guitarists waist, his eyes piercing her own
“Hey,” he mouthed to her, his eyes glassing over as tears sprung, faintly smiling.
“How long?” She mouthed in return, not wanting to disturb anyone around her.
“You've been in a coma for two days,” Kit whispered, announcing she was awake. Emmi just nodded her head as her girlfriend cupped her face, kissing every inch of bare skin on it, before drawing their lips together in a kiss. Emmi deepened it, unaware to Brendon staring, and Ryan slowly rousing, closing her eyes as Kit did the same. Kit's tongue pressed between her lips, awaiting the invitation to be inside, loving the feeling of her lips on her girlfriends after almost three weeks of not being able to. Emmi parted her lips, granting Kit's tongue access, letting them move together as Kit's hand lightly stroked her cheek. They both sighed into the kiss, breaking away, noticing the two awake boys staring at them – one in happiness, one in confusion.
“Emmi and I have been together for almost four years. We're a couple, free to date others, always there when in need of a hug, or a comforting kiss,” Kit explained to Brendon, kissing the younger girls cheek. Ryan jumped off Brendon's lap, engulfing Emmi in a hug, kissing her face like Kit did moments ago, tears running down his face and onto hers.
“I'm so glad you're okay,” he sighed, as Spencer and Jon woke. Emmi just nodded, too choked up, and throat too sore, to talk. Spencer pulled himself off Jon, grabbing a glass of water and a straw for Emmi, placing it near her lips. She sipped down the icy-cool water, it relieving the tension in her throat.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “And I'm sorry. I never meant to -” She broke off, crying silently, everyone moving together in a group hug.
“I think I can speak for everyone when I say, we're just happy you're okay,” Jon spoke, rubbing her hair.
“But what gets me thinking. Why did you do it? After last time and all?” Kit asked, the rest nodding along in agreement.
“The voices... the voices came back, and I couldn't stop them, no matter how hard I fought them,” Emmi admitted, closing her eyes.
When she next opened them, the room was dark, and only three silhouettes could be seen. Brendon and Kit were on the other bed in the private hospital room, getting pleasantly aquainted with each other; Ryan holding her close, laying next to her, gazing down into her eyes.
“I love you Ryan,” she whispered, Ryan beaming at her, pulling her into a kiss.
“When you get out of here, do you want to move in with me?” Ryan asked, to which Emmi nodded a reply.
“I would love to.” Hearing their conversation, Brendon and Kit headed over to the couple, hand in hand, beaming.
“I'm glad to see you happy with him Kit,” Emmi said, noting the hands.
“I am angel... I am beyond happy with Brendon as my boyfriend, you as my girlfriend, and with Ryan, Jon and Spencer as my best friends.”