The shit hits the fan, so to speak.
This had been at the bottom of my expectations.
The first thing I thought, even still after all the rough spots me and Mikey had been through-I didn't want him to leave me. I was feeling more in the position of younger brother than anything as I clung desperately to him.
Suddenly Aunt Tracy's pants were blaring Earth, Wind and Fire and she headed off into another room. Finally alone I took the time to whip over to Mikey.
"I mean what the hell are you thinkin'?" I asked his narrow, expressionless face.
I watched him bite his lip in hesitation to keep something from me that he really wanted to say. I felt my temper flare up slightly.
"Don't bullshit me, Mikey Way." I only used his last name when I was really pissed. It had started off as one of those cutesy things I did as a kid, like when he would break my red Power Ranger or ram my firetruck into a wall. I hadn't used it in awhile now because honestly I hadn't needed to. We'd always for the most part gotten along so well.
Now it all seemed to be going to shit.
"Gerard you know there's nothing I can do about it-"
"Yeah I know, but you don't seem too upset about leaving either!" I accused a little more venomously than I probably should have. Mikey retaliated accordingly.
"Well you know this is all your fault anyhow."
"Yeah 'cause if you just had picked me up like you SAID you would."
"Yeah well I wouldn't have HAD to pick you up from Alicia's if you hadn't gone like always."
It all was starting to pour up.
Feelings I knew we'd both pent up inside for all these years, especially this year. My frustration with Mikey's girlfriend was coming to full, ugly view.
Now I could see I had really pissed him off now that her name had come up.
He shot up from the couch and put his face close to mine, already close to my height at 14.
"I love her." he declared solemnly.
My eyes turned to the fireplace. I was treading into heavy waters. Deeper than any fight I'd been in before.
"Mikey, you're fourteen. You don't understand what love is yet," I said softly, trying to quell his anger, but I only added gasoline to his fire.
"No I think I understand better than you and that scares the shit out of you!"
Now he had gotten to me.
I felt my whole body begin to heat up with something so powerful in me, such sheer rage that I began to shake in its arrival.
"Just because I'm not off every night screwing with some girl-"
"Our relationship is much deeper than that so don't act like you know! And now because of you, I'm never gonna see her again! Happy, Gee?"
"No," was all I could blurt out. I was still shaking. Only he could get this much out of me.
Mikey could see I wasn't gonna say anymore so he kicked me while I was down.
"Couldn't stand to see me have my own life, huh?"
"I COULD SAY THE SAME ABOUT YOU!"
The words just fell out thoughtlessly. I was beyond stopping now in that last kick.
"Wanna know WHY I wasn't there to pick you up? I was lending my car to MY friend who needed it for a job interview to keep living with his little sister! And you know what? They're MY friends, Jade and Elliot. People who actually for once, liked me. And you know what? I WAS scared to let you see 'em.
Scared they, just like EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS DAMN TOWN, would like you better 'cause you're just so damn perfect. But that was NOT the reason I didn't pick you up, 'cause even still I would've still let you meet them, let you have them. 'Cause even still I would give you my whole world....but...now I see..."
My words were losing momentum as the epiphany struck a cord with me. My insides went cold as he stood there, speechless, his mouth gaping from my hideous truth spread out for him to see.
I couldn't tell how he felt. For once, I didn't care. So I decided to kick my little brother when he was down and said something I wish I hadn't.
"Now I see that's never gonna be enough for you. You're right, Mikey, you've got your own life. And you know what? I don't need you."
And along with that went any chance for those golden, invincible days when we had been best friends.
I couldn't look him in the face.
Suddenly I wasn't in control of my body when I ran up the stairs.
No longer my stairs.
No longer my house.
The same stairs we'd run down excitedly every Christmas morning back when our parents were still interested in us.
I ran into my room and pulled out my ragged, black bookbag off the door and just started cramming clothes in without really sure of what it was I was packing. It could've been a whole bag filled with socks. I didn't care. When it was full, I zipped it up.
Hurried back down the stairs.
From the corner of my eye I could see a dumfounded Aunt Tracy standing by Mikey in the living room.
I didn't look at Mikey at all.
I didn't care.
I sprinted out the door, out of my house, out of his life.
I felt the lump in my throat beginning to grow as I sped recklessly down the road. But I kept it in. I ripped open Jade's unlocked door and a voice I didn't recognize called out weakly,
It was mine.
Jade sauntered curiously from the living room. Elle's eyes were glued on me from the couch.
"Can I stay with you?" I asked quietly, trying to restrain myself from splattering across the floor. He could see this.
"Yeah, sure dude."
"Thanks," I mumbled as I helped myself upstairs.
I looked passed Jade's room, then Elle's across the hall. Mine I decided would be the one with the random newspapers scattered everywhere and the moldy mattress.
I closed the door, collapsed on the mattress, and sobbed for the first time in a very long time, just like a child.
Only he could make me this angry.
Only he could get this much out of me, controlling my emotions like this.
'Cause I loved him that much.