Is it always the length that matters? (NO SLASH)
Warnings: Uhm, well, could offend some of the lighter hearetd, but not really.
A/N: Written for the MC Christmas fic contest. This is just for you ladies. But, you should be 16+ to read it. Enjoy!
It was a wonderful day that greeted Middle Earth. The sun was shining down from a clear blue sky, golden rays filtering through the trees and branches onto the forest ground, creating a pattern of shadow and light. Brown and red leaves waved through the air in the slight autumn breeze, the green and lively trees reading themselves for the coming winter season.
The last bees and butterflies of the year were enjoying the sunshine and floating around, the flowers that grew on the ground craning their necks to catch the welcome warmth that Anor provided.
The harvest had just begun, the corn on the fields was growing very well, the apples they had stored in the cellars were looking delicious and the stocks were full up until the roof. Even if this years winter should provide little food at all, the elves of Imladris were well prepared.
The forest that gleamed in the brightest colours imaginable, from a deep red over a bright orange to a shiny yellow. The little brown squirrels darted from here to there, round nuts in their small mouths, tiny paws scampering up the barks of the trees.
It was a glorious day for all.
Amidst all this glory and beauty, three elves and one human made their way down the garden path, bantering cheerily with each other. With the sun on their faces they strolled through the garden, enjoying the sun and the warmth of the day.
"Elladan, come now. Out of all of us you should now that mine is the biggest." Elrohir, the younger twin, threw an exasperated look at his twin brother.
Shaking his dark haired head, Elladan replied: "No, muindor nin (my brother). Mine is much larger than yours."
"Maybe larger, but not bigger."
"How big it is does not matter, Ro. The length is the important factor."
Estel, the youngest of the three brothers and foster son of the wise Lord of Imladris, raised an eyebrow at the twins bickering and with a lopsided grin he said to the Mirkwood prince who walked beside him:
"If you listen to them, you could almost suggest that theirs are longer than mine."
Having heard what their little brother had said, the two Noldor elves immediately forgot all their discrepancies and teamed up together. Nodding, they replied in unison: "They are."
Legolas shook his head, amused by his friendsÂ´ antics. They would never change if it came to a challenge, and this one was definitely on worth winning, or die trying.
"What is so funny, Legolas?" Elrohir piped up from where he walked beside his older brother.
"Oh, nothing, mellon nin." The prince answered, grinning widely now.
Frowning, Elladan studied the archer's face before he said: "So, it seems our wood elf friend here thinks that his is the largest."
Beaming now, Legolas nodded, then answered: "Sure. Wood elves always win."
Now it was EstelÂ´s time to speak up: "As if, mellon nin. Yours is maybe the largest, but mine is definitely the thickest!"
The twins eyes widened in pure disbelief at what they had just heard and a moment later they giggled uncontrollably, their frames shaking with laughter. Blinking, the man looked from his brothers to his friend back and to the twins and then he shrugged, his face showing his confusion: "What did I say?"
Holding his sides and speaking through his laughter, the younger twin answered: "T- thickest! Oh Estel, I-I have never heard someone speak of i-it that w-way!"
And as if to support his twin, Elladan nodded furiously, his laughter making any attempt to speak impossible.
Frowning at his brothers, the man turned to his friend who had watched the scene silently. In truth, the archer was hard pressed to stifle his own laughter, the corners of his mouth twitching ever so slightly.
"They behave as if they were mere elflings. Everyone knows that it is the thickness that makes it enjoyable."
Not able to suppress his laughter any longer, the blond haired elf allowed the bright smile to appear on his face. "Well, in my experience it all depends on the person concerned. Everyone likes it in different ways."
Having regained their breaths, the twins straightened their tunics and they all moved on again, down the garden path, the pebbles crunching under their feet. They walked in silence for a few moments, but soon the younger twin spoke up: "I still think mine is the biggest."
"Ro, I have already told you. It is the length that matters!"
"No, Dan, it is the thickness."
"Your all wrong. It is the skill of its owner that matters."
"Legolas!" EstelÂ´s voice sounded appalled. "What makes you think your skills with it are superior to ours? "
Grinning, the elf replied smugly: "Experience, my young friend, and many pleased elves."
Gaping at his friend, Estel tried to find something -anything- to reply. A few steps down the path, he suddenly found his voice and asked bluntly: "How many?"
"How many what?"
"How many pleased elves?"
Smiling mysteriously, the prince beamed as if reliving a fond memory and then said calmly: "That should stay between these elves and I. It would be very rude of me to speak of it, mellon nin."
Estel raised his eyebrow, but said nothing more. The twins, on the other hand, smirked and Elladan walked up to the archer. "Come now, just between us four. How many?"
Smiling, the blond haired elf made eye contact with the twin. "More than you and Ro together."
"You wish!" Now it was the younger twinsÂ´ turn to sound appalled.
But Legolas just smiled...and walked on.
Passing the rose bushes and the small pond, the four made their way through the garden, sheltered by the looming trees and accompanied by the singing of the birds and the golden rays of the sun.
But the quiet could not last for long and soon they were back to their actual argument.
"It is the length, Ro."
"No Dan, the thickness."
"Mine is the biggest. A great size is all that matters!"
"Ro, I have seen yours more than once. Mine is longer and, erm, it looks better."
"Ha, we are twins, muindor nin. If mine looks...well, what ever, yours does look the same way, I am sure!"
Cornered, the older twin waved his hand dismissively in the man's direction. "All right, maybe. But we have both seen EstelÂ´s numerous times. Ours are definitely better than his."
Feeling that the twins had -again- teamed up against him, the man pointed his thumb at the archer. "What about Legolas? Have you seen his?"
Frowning, the two dark haired elves shook their heads. "No. Now that you say it, our friend here seems to be fond of hiding it."
Smiling smugly at the three brothers, the prince answered: "The master keeps quiet and enjoys."
"I want to see it! He can talk much, he shall prove it!"
"What? I want him to prove what he says."
And soon the argument was up again, all four of them talking about "It is the length that matters!" , the actual size, the thickness and the skill of the owner in handling it. They passed the last bushes and finally stood in a sunlight corner of the garden, where no bushes grew or trees hindered the sun from falling onto the earth.
Waving his hand in front of them all, Elladan shook his head energetically, his dark hair flying around his head. "Enough of it! I want to see them all, now."
Estel paled slightly at his brother's words. He was the youngest of them all, his "experience" could not outmatch that of the others and surely his would be the smallest, too.
Slightly nervous, he addressed the oldest twin. "Now Dan? Here?"
Nodding, the elf answered, his face showing that he would accept no argument. "Yes, Estel. Here and now. We will settle this once and for all."
"All right." Legolas took a deep breath. Whoever would win this challenge today, the winner would be remembered for a long time.
Looking at the foursome, Elrohir asked: "Fine, who shall start?" And with a wicked gleam in his eyes he gazed at his younger brother. "Estel?"
"No!" The man shook his head vigorously. He would not be the first. Never.
"Come, tithen muindor. We have seen yours already. No need to be shy now."
Blushing, the human almost stumbled over his words: "But, ...but Legolas has not seen mine yet. Well, we have not seen his at all. He shall start!"
Throwing a glance at his twin brother, Elrohir nodded excitedly, which caused Estel to sigh in relief.
"Aye, all right, Estel." The oldest twin stated. "Legolas shall begin."
Seeing that it was one against three, the Mirkwood archer sighed. Fine, if they wanted it that way, he would be the first.
Making a few steps forward, the blond haired elf moved a little ways away from his friends before he turned again to look at them sheepishly. Grinning, Elladan mocked him. "Your Highness, you may show us now."
And so Legolas bent down and lifted the fabric.
When he looked up, his eyes saw three brothers, mouths hanging slightly open, stunned and disbelieving expressions on their faces.
Estel was the first to recover. Snapping his mouth shut with an audible sound, he asked incredulously: "How did you...Sweet Eru that is the biggest and longest and thickest and...most beautiful...that I have ever seen."
Grinning, the archer lifted the fabric a little higher, letting the sun play on his possession.
When the twins only nodded, still to stunned to say anything, the archer said proudly:
"Thank you, Estel. It seems I have won this challenge, then."
As his friends only nodded, still staring in amazement, Legolas looked down and added: "It truly is the most beautiful pumpkin that I have ever cultivated. This years harvest challenge award goes to me then."
And even many years later, Imladris would speak of the "most beautiful pumpkin" that has ever been grown in the gardens of the elven haven.
A/N: "Skill" refers to: how much water, sun, shade, sort of pumpkin...
"Peased elves" refers to how many elves have eaten Legolas's pumpkins and have liked them.