Christmas does strange things to Roy Mustang's brain. Edward finds this hilarious. Riza is not amused at all.
Roy Mustang was stuck in a fence. He wasn’t entirely sure how he had managed to get there, he was less sure of how he was going to get out, and he didn’t even know who to blame.
What he did know was that Edward was finding it hilarious.
Edward would, of course. Edward wasn’t the one stuck in a fence, was he?
“I hate Christmas,” he heard Riza sigh from the front porch of the house.
“Oh? Why is that?” From the sound of her voice, Winry was struggling to keep her own laughter under control.
“It always makes the Roy do such stupid things.”
“Hey! I resent that!” Roy protested.
Edward, who was barely managing to stand and using the gate to hold himself up, somehow stopped laughing long enough to comment. “Resent it all you want, but we know the truth. Even if I didn’t already know thanks to Hughes –”
“What? What did he tell you? Did he have pictures? I’m going to kill him!”
“It is blatantly obvious right now,” Ed continued, ignoring Roy’s interruption. “What are you even doing down there?”
Roy had been attempting to crawl through the fence, sneak into the house and replace the Christmas tree he had accidentally set alight that morning before anyone noticed, but he wasn’t about to tell them that. He had been warned, repeatedly, against even thinking about alchemy or fire when in the house – hence the attempted covertness. The only way this could get worse would be if –
Edward smirked. “Hughes, imagine seeing you here! And right when we were talking about you, too!”
Maes raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Huh. Well, Gracia sent me over with a basket of cookies she baked this morning.”
“Did you happen to bring a camera?” Ed was trying for innocent, and probably almost managed it, but Roy could feel the utter evil radiating from the boy.
Ed let out a tiny, evil chuckle. “Oh good. You see, our beloved Colonel has gotten himself into a slight…predicament.”
Despite being unable to see his friend’s face, Roy nevertheless knew the exact devious grin that crossed it. “Do tell.”
Ed pointed. Maes moved into Roy’s line of sight. Yep, there was the grin. Aaand there was the camera. Great.
Roy wished he was wearing his gloves. At least then he could burn the fence down, or at least set someone on fire. Yes, burn the damn Fullmetal-brat’s hair off.
But his gloves were in his pocket, which happened to be on the opposite side of the fence to his hands. Damn.
“What’s with the tree?”
“Damn it, Maes! You really do hate me…”
Maes looked confused. Ed was eyeing the tree with suspicion and a hint of amusement.
“Oh Roy?” Riza called sweetly. “You didn’t happen to burn the tree down, did you?”
“Uh, well –”
“You wouldn’t have been playing with matches in the house, would you, Roy?”
“Of course no –”
“And you wouldn’t have been trying to replace it without our noticing, would you, Roy?”
“Certainly no –”
“Are you lying, Roy Mustang?”
Edward was laughing again.
Roy began plotting his revenge.