Billy is in love with Benji, benji has a girlfriend. whats happens one night when benji goes into billy room drunk? benji/billy if you don't like then don't read
A/N: this is my first ever Fan fic..please review..hope you enjoy it..oh yea..when you see this [ ] it means that theres lyrics between thoughs brackets..the songs aren't mine
[Another broken day passed by
Another dead night is waiting to come alive
You are already trying to find
One more way to hide from the burning light]
I was sitting in the back of our tour bus watching my favourite Silverchair DVD. It was another miserable day, it was raining outside, our concert tonight had to be cancelled because one of our tyres on the tour bus blew up and for the last three hours we've been strandard in the middle of nowhere until our manager comes back with petrol and a tyre and the worst of all - Benji has a new Girlfriend, they were sitting across from me being all 'happy and cuddly' it was making me sick. Benji invited her to come with us for the week, they've only known each other for three days and all of sudden Benji thinks shes everything, he doesn't pay any attention to any of us when shes around. I've been depressed and miserable and usually Benji's the first to notice but it just seems that now he has a girlfriend he's better than the rest of us and doesn't even know I exist. I decide to leave the two of them alone and go lie down in my bunk so I can fall asleep and hopefully never wake up again, it's not like anybody would miss me.
I turn off the DVD player and put the cd in the case, "hey Billy..where ya going?" Benji asks me, his girlfriend gives me a deathglare for taking Benjis attention away from her for more than a second. stupid bitch, I don't even know her name they'll probably break up in a week so why bother knowing her name? "i'm just goin to lie down i'm tired, you two look like you want to be alone any way"
"Sorry lil Billy...we didn't mean to kick you out from watchin your DVD" he says sympathetically. i'm suprised he even noticed me in the room. "Baby let him go....he's right we do want to be alone" she says pulling Benji's face towards hers to look him in the eyes.
I walk out just as she pulls Benji down on top of her. god, I hate her. All she cares about is herself, she's probably only with Benji because he's famous. I go to my bunk and lie down pulling the curtain shut. The roof of my bunk is covered in pictures. Theres me with a whole bunch of fans from Australia, and with fans from all across the world, the whole group of us with our arms around each other, just before Chris left the band, Joel and me fighting, Benji and Joel hugging, Paul and me at Pauls house last year, but my favourite picture is the one of me and Benji the day I fell in love with him, the day that my life was perfect because I knew as long as Benji was around nothing could go wrong, he'd always be there for me.
It was my first day of school at La Plata high school. I had just moved here with my mum and little sister sarah a week ago in the schol holidays. I walked up the stairs leading to the front doors of the school, there were kids everywhere and the place was almost twice the size of my old school, I was wearing my favourite silverchair shirt and red pants on, and I had my pink eye shadow, I looked diffrent to everybody else that was standing outside the school, just great, new school, new year of being bashed and beaten by the school kids just because i didn't 'fit in'.
I walk up the stairs and along the corridor looking for my first classroom of the day, I walk past a group of guys that must be on the football team,one of them puts there foot out and before I know it i'm lying on the ground with the group of guys looking down at me, surrounding me, the first guy kicks me in the ribs and then they all start punching me and kicking me, spitting on me. I feel the bone in my arm break, and i'm sure my ribs are broken to.
I black out just as I hear someone tellin the kids to get off me, I see a guy in cut off pants and a rancid shirt, I barely see the pink patch in his hair before everything goes black and I lose conciousness.
I wake up and look around i'm in a small white room on a bed and theres a desk against the wall on the other side of the room, this must be the nurses office, I try to sit up but my body aches, my right arm is in a cast, I lift up my shirt to see my whole chest swollen and bruised purple and black.
The door opens and I see a boy about my age walk in, I don't know him at all he must be the kid who saved me, he's hott...wait no no no. you just started here you can't fall for him, he's probably not even gay. He walks up to the bed and sits down beside me.
"hey" he says god he has the hottest voice..and his eyes are gorgeous choclate brown.
"hey" I say back quietly, its hard to speak
"my names Benji I got those guys off you and helped bring you here" he says looking down to his hands
"i'm Billy..and...where is 'here' exactly?" I ask
he looks up and smiles at me, he has the most perfect smile i've ever seen.
"your in the nurses room, they wanted to take you to the hospital but they didn't think they were able to move you without doing more damage, you broke your arm in two places and a couple of ribs are broken" he says
"shit...thanks for saving me, i'd probably be dead if it wasn't for you"
He looks away then turns back to me locking his eyes with mine, "it's ok....I should be the one thanking you, you got me out of my classes for most of the day" Benji says
I let what he said sink in a little..how long have I been out?
"half the day? what do you mean? how long have I been out?"
"well it's 1:00 in the afternoon so 5 hours, your mum came in and freaked, she thought you were dead or had brain damage cause you weren't waking up"
"shit..I gotta get home" I say trying to sit up and pain rips through my body, Benji helps me down off the bed otherwise I would have fallen off.
"ok...seriously I think your way to sick to be goin anywhere let me help you back on the bed we've still got a few hours till school finishes, just rest" he says sympathetically looking me straight in the eyes.
"thank's very much Benji but this has happened lots of times before..trust me ...I can make it home"
"well atleast let me help you to my car and i'll drive you"
"Benji, you don't want to be seen with me i'm a loser and i'm sure i've wrecked your reputation enough for you helping me, i'm fine and I can get home by myself without your pity, thanx heaps though" I say with tears in my eyes but they don't fall, why am I being so rude? I've never had anyone to help me after I've been beaten before and never had anyone stick up for me, I finally get what I want and i'm sending him away?.but ..I just met this person I shouldn't trust him straight away..although he does look like he honestly does want to help me.
"it's not pity man, I want to help you I don't know what it was like for you at your other school but it's your first day here and you've had a bad day, just let me show you that not everyone is as fucked up in the head as the rest of them, and I don't have much of a reputation to wreck" he puts his arm around me and starts helping me towards the door.
"i'm guessing your not taking no for an answer then?" I ask him as we walk out
"no i'm not, i'll have to tell the nurse that i'm taking you home" he leads me to a chair in the corridor and sits me down "wait here and i'll be right back ok?"
"ok benji" he nods then heads down the corridor and disappears around the corner.
I sit in the chair looking around wondering if he's even gunna come back or not. maybe his part of the group that bashed me and his gone to get them to hurt me even nore? it wouldn't be the first time that happened, but just then Benji comes back around the corner alone.
He helps me up off the chair and we start walking down the corridor, I have no idea where were going but i'm guessing that were leaving.
We get out to the carpark and he leads me over to his car, we walked in silence, i'd never met him before today and I didn't know what to say.
"my cars just over there" he points to an SUV parked at the end of the carpark. "are you ok?" he asks after I start making pain noises.
"yea..its just my ribs are really sore and your arms digging into my bruises abit" I say quietly, I felt guilty, he was helping me and i'm complaining...god i'm an idiot.
"shit sorry" he moves his arm so there not hurting me and we walked the rest of the way to his car.
On the way home we were talking about the type of music that we like and found that we had a lot in common, we both played guitar, he was in a band with his twin Joel who he told me about, and he's friend Paul, we both liked the same bands, we actually ended up driving straight past my house because I was paying to much attention to Benji then showing which house was mine. We finally pulled up outside my house and Benji helped me out of the car.
"you should come to practice with us tomorrow if your feeling better" he says
I just laughed at him, I have a broken arm and he expects me to play guitar?
"What's so funny?" he asks
"Benj I have a broken arm, I don't think i'll be playing guitar for a while"
we both crack up laughing and I tell him i'll see him at school tomorrow when he left.
That night I went to asleep the happiest I had been since I could remember, I actually had a friend...and it was the best feeling in the world.
I've tried telling Benji how I feel, but he'll hate me, he might be fine with me being gay but if I told him that he was the only person I love, the only person I could ever love....he would hate me, and I can't have that. i'd rather die then have Benji hate me.
I pull out a piece of paper and a pen from under my bunk and start writing down my thoughts...
Oh why can't I be what you need?
A new improved version of me
But i'm nothing so good
no, i'm nothing
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence, of love and of sorrow
I beg for just one more tomorrow
where you'd hold me down, fold me in
deep, deep, deep in your heart of sins
i'd break in two over you
i'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breathe of life!
but you don't see me. you don't
Here i'm pinned between darkness and light,
bleached and blinded by these nights.
where i'm tossing and tortured till dawn
by you, visions of you, then you're gone
the shock bleeds the red from my face
when I hear someones taken my place
how could love be so thoughtless so cruel?
when all, all that I did was for you...
i'd break in two over you
i'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breathe of life!
but you don't see me. you don't
I'm interrupted with Paul pulling back my curtain and jumping into my bunk then pulling my curtain closed behind him "hi lil Billy" Paul whispers "shh..Joels after me" he lies down on the bunk beside me and tries to read the piece of paper "what are you writing?" he asks.
"none of your damn business" I say glaring at him.
"I could just steal the piece of paper from you"
"I don't think so" I whisper "JOEL!! PAUL'S IN HERE" I yell as loud as I can. "you prick" Paul says as Joel pulls back the curtain and lunges on Paul, crashing me underneath him.
"ohh...fuck can't breath..." I pant trying to push Joel off me onto Paul who his punching, Pauls screaming in my ear and kicking me
"BENJI.....HELP!!!" I yell.
Within seconds Benj is standing there shirtless and if I didn't lose my breath enough already from Joel crushing me, I just lost it all then with the site of Benji in only his bondage pants.
"what the fuck are you doing?" Benji says pulling Joel off Paul and me, Joels laughing uncontrollably and trying to wrestle his way out of Benji's grip but fails miserably, "i'm dead...." I say trying to catch my breath.
"sorry lil Billy...didn't mean to hurt you" Paul says hugging me.
"it wasn't you Paul it was Joel and his fat ass"
"hey.. i'm not fat...Benji am I Fat?" Joel says to Benji in a little childs voice which is just so adorable, pushing out his bottom lip and looking at us with puppy dogg eyes.
"YES" I yell
Joel jumps down on top of me pulling Benji down with him...hey..this could be an interesting situation, but right now it killed.
There was alot of kicking and fake punching and screaming for atleast ten minutes before Benji noticed the piece of paper I had, and was trying to put back under my bed with all of them lying on top of me. not very easy, I almost sat it down on the floor when Benji took it out of my hands and started reading it out loud to the rest of them, oh shit...now there all gunna think I have a crush on someone, none of them know about me being gay so now i'm probably gunna have to make up some dumb ass story about a girl..sure it would probably be easier telling them the truth but theres no way I can tell them I love Benji, he would hate me and everyone would think i'm sick...and the band could break up. Damn.
"...Billy's in love" Joel says snatching the piece of paper from Benji to read it again.
"I am not Joel" I say taking the paper from him and pushing him off me onto the floor "aww..what was that for?"
"for being annoying..now get lost and leave me alone"
"whats wrong lil Billy?" Paul asks "we didn't mean to hurt you"
"you didn't..i'm just tired ok I want some sleep"
"ok talk to ya later billers" Paul says climbing over me and walking away with Joel.
ok..me and Benji alone this isn't good. he's lying down next to me against the wall and looking at me.
"what?" I say, I didn't mean for it to come out so hostile.
"nothing..sorry.." he says sadly and sits up, good damn he's hot I just want to take him right here and now.
"i'm sorry Benji i'm just tired" I say as he climbs over me, my hand brushes up against his thigh and I pull it away as soon as I can and hope he didn't notice "sorry" I mumble my cheeks burning red.
"it's kool Billy I gotta get back to my girlfriend before she kills me for being away this long" he says quietly
"i'm suprised she hasn't come looking for you already" I say pulling the blanket up over me to try and hide the aching hard on I have from watching Benji stand above me without a shirt.
Just as I was turning over to go to sleep, Joel and Paul come running down the bus and knock Benji down on top of me, our faces are inches apart, his right hand on my thigh and the other next to my head to hold himself up, oh god oh god oh god. It takes everything I have not to close the distance between us and crash my mouth to his, I close my eyes for a second to control myself, when I open my eyes i'm staring directly into Benji's gorgeous choclate brown eyes, "sorry Billy....Joel ..and Paul...knocked..me" he mumbles and pulls himself off me and walks off to the back of the bus towards his girlfriend. Fuck....why can't Benji just be mine?
I have a huge hard on now and I feel like i'm going to explode any minute. I get up and head towards the bathroom. Everyone is at the end of the bus so I don't see any of them.
I get into the bathroom and pull down my pants and wrap my hands around my member, thoughts of Benji race through my head as I stroke myself. I bite my lip as I come moaning Benjis name as quietly as possible. I clean up my mess and drag myself back to my bunk exhausted and tired, I can hear all the guys laughing and joking still at the back of the bus but I don't pay any attention to what there saying, I lie down and pull the blankets over my head. falling asleep almost straight away, dreaming of Benji.
[Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Hear your voice in the dark
Lose myself in your eyes
Choke my voice
As the world falls apart
Fuck I can't let this kill me
I need some more time
To fix this - Blink 182 Here's Your Letter]
A/N: thats the first chapter please review..the song Autumn Monologue isn't mine its by a band called From Autumn to Ashes