benji comes into billys room..what will happen?
I was lying on my bed staring up at the ceiling and listening to the music that was being blasted from down stairs 'above the head, below the knees' was playing by New Found Glory. Every one was down stairs partying we'd gotten back from tour yesterday, and apparently my place was the best place to trash. all of the guys from Simple Plan, The Used, New Found Glory and Rancid were all getting drunk.
I wasn't in the mood for a party I wish they would all just leave but I can't tell my bestfriends to leave just cause I was having a problem. I was staring at my favourite poster of Benji that was right above my pillow it looked like he was lying down so sometimes I would imagine him lying on top of me. I know I shouldn't be thinking about him, but the more I try to stop the more I think about him.
I know he'll find it disgusting and call me a freak, he'd hate me and I couldn't live with myself if Benji hated me. I've been trying to avoid him these last couple of weeks because I know if i'm with him I won't be able to hide my feelings. Benji would never talk to me again. his straight!. I love him more than i've loved anyone at all, every breath I take is for Benji. but I know i'll never have him, never know what its like to kiss those soft lips, never know what his naked body feels like against mine. To have him thrust into me hard and fast, over and over again.
I hear some one knocking on the door, drawing me out of one of my thoughts.
Benji walks in and closes the door behind him, ....oh shit. all I wanna do is run to him and kiss him, tell him how much I love him.....I can't be trusted in a room alone with him.. I should leave, but Benji's in the doorway blocking my only way out, maybe I should lock myself in the bathroom.
Benji walks over and sits next to me, his wearing a made hoodie with his usual black pants I stand up to leave before I do something i'll regret, he grabs my arm just before I can take a step away, ...oh god...I need to leave but all I can think about is his hand on my arm.
"hey lil billy" he slurs he's already drunk..great
"we need to talk" I stay standing and look down at him "please" he says
"I really should be getting back downstairs"
"you haven't been downstairs all night I think they can miss you for another ten minutes" He says
"o.k" I sit back down next to him. he probably just wants to talk about breaking up with a new girlfriend. Tell me how he screwed up once again or how they only wanted him for his fame' god how I hated the bitches he went out with, they could never make him happy. never give him what he wants only I can do that. if only he would just wake up and see it.
"what do you want to talk about?" I ask, his hand is still on my arm, I pull away reluctantly. he grabs my hand just before I pull away and holds it, I need to leave before I tell him how I feel, I lick my suddenly dry lips, maybe if we talk i'll stop thinking about running my hand down his pants and wrapping my hand around him, rubbing softly.....STOP IT!! your just his friend it'll never happen.
"Benj?" I ask maybe if we talk i'll stop thinking
"you said you wanted to talk"
"yea....why have you been avoiding me these last couple of weeks?"
"don't tell me you weren't - your my best friend I know you, is it something I did?" he asks
"no! Benj it's not you, i've just been really confused about some things and didn't wanna talk
to you until I figured it out cause I knew i'd tell you...and I can't"
"Billy, you can tell me anything"
"I...I don't want you to hate me Benj"
He puts his arm around me and pulls me closer, I put my head on his shoulder and lean into him. I know he doesn't mean anything by this, he see's me as a friend. I try to pull away before I lose all control and push him back on the bed.
He pulls me tighter to him "I would never hate you Billy...unless you slept with one of my chiks then there'd be a problem"
"I don't think that'll ever be a problem" I whisper
I would never hurt him, and plus I hated every girl he ever goes out with. there all stuck up bitches who think there better than everyone. I don't know what Benj see's in any of them.
"well..can you please tell me why you've been confused cause I feel really guilty, cause you talk to all the other guys, I mean are you mad at me did I get drunk and do something?"
"Benji, honestly i'm not mad at you, i'm sorry" I can't believe I made him feel guilty, although it is half his fault for being so god damn hot.
"it's o.k" Benji says " so..are you gunna tell me and let me help you..or are you gunna keep avoiding me and making me feel guilty?"
I look up into Benji's eyes, and feel the tears against my eyelids, I can't cry. Benji will think i'm weak and pathetic and dirty after I tell him why i've been avoiding him. I hate avoiding him. having to walk out of a room when his there- never alone on the tour bus with him. His smiling down at me. I wish I could capture his lips with my own..Run my hands up his chest.....o.k have to stop now before I get in trouble.
"Benj...i'm sorry b-but.." I take a deep breath and try to make some sense he's gunna hate me. 'I wonder if he would let me keep my life after I tell him..I mean we are suppose to be good friends...then again probably not, it would probably just make my death longer - he'll torture me every day till he gets the nerve to kill me'
"lil Billy" he wipes a tear from my cheek "i'm sorry, I didn't know it was something so big..please tell me..I can help"
"ok ..i'll tell you" I push away from him and walk over to the other side of the room near the door, I didn't know how Benj would react..I felt so sick I didn't really wanna tell him. Benji was always there when I needed him, he's my best friend and he'll hate me after I tell him how I feel, not that I really deserve him. He's to good for me.
"Billy..your beginning to scare me" he says standing up off the bed and walking towards me, I back away until I hit the wall and hold out a hand for him to stop.
"Benji...I love you" I look down at the floor, waiting for him to say something.
"what are you talkin bout? Billy I love you to your my best friend"
I hear him walk towards me and I slowly look up into his gorgeous brown eyes, he smiles and I want to kiss him, to run my tongue over those lips.
"Benji you don't understand....i'm gay o.k? and i'm in love with you" Shit...please tell me I didn't just tell him. well..I guess I should be glad that i'm going to get a beating soon, it's probably the only time i'll get any physical contact with Benji.
He's just standing in the middle of the room frozen. "yea..well...I should probably go" I turn around to leave but Benji grabs my arm and pulls me back from the door, 'beating will begin in 5, 4, 3, 2 - BENJI'S KISSING ME' we both pull away at the same time, he has a wicked smile planted on his face. "wha-" I try to talk but i'm cut off by Benji's lips on mine again.
"Billy....I love you to...i've known all along how you felt but I guess I had to hear you say it to believe it"
"h-how?" I finally get out
"you told Joel when you got drunk...he thought I should know"
"why didn't you tell me?.....I thought you would hate me"
"I don't hate you..I love you, the more I thought about it the more I realised how much I really felt about you, i've pretty much been sleeping with every girl for the past month but all I can think about is you, how I wish it was you doing those things to me"
I just stood there frozen, I didn't know what to say i've wanted him for so long, what if he was joking?
"I love you" Benji says again leaning in and kissing me, its even better than I imagined, his lips are the softest i've ever kissed.
I feel his tongue pressing against my mouth and I open to him, plunging my own tongue into his mouth.
He wraps his arm around me and pulls me to him, I can feel him hard and firm even through my pants and his. he moves his hips and rubs his hard-on along my own, I let out a soft moan but is quickly swallowed by Benjis lips on mine as I run my hands up his chest under the shirt.
I nibble on his lower lip before pulling away enough to talk, with my hands still under his shirt.
"do you mean this Benji...I mean it's not some joke is it?"
"do you really think I would do that to you?"
"if there was money involved"
He pulls away from me taking a few steps back."you really think that less of me?"
He look nearly to tears, but is quickly covered up by anger at what I had said.
"i'm sorry Benj..I didn't mean anything by it, its just I wanna know what will happen after...."
"Billy" he leans in a kisses me " I know I tell alot of girls I love them and mean nothing by it but your diffrent, I just wanna be with you"
I kiss him and he begins pulling me back towards the bed using my belt, I pull off his shirt, throwing it to the floor and push him onto the bed, straddling his waist.
I lay there watching Billy straddle my waist and start kissing down my neck..shit, I don't want to do this. I was dared to come up here and tell Billy I love him by Joel and Paul, we were drinking. Kissing I could do...but...what if Billy wanted to go all the way?. I never thought Billy was gay, I don't know why I said I was serious, Billy was my friend I shouldn't be hurting him like this..nah, this is probably a big joke turned around on me, seeing how far I would go..I mean my girlfriend is only two doors down. What if she came looking for me? Billy was moving closer to my pants..shit..if this was a joke Billy would stop soon....he wouldn't really - he started undoing my belt...I grab his hands in mine and moved them away, he look's up at me.
"whats wrong?" he says, was he joking or serious? I couldn't tell
"dude what the fuck are you doing? I think we should stop ok you won"
"ohh...yea...sure" he looks so hurt, he gets off me and sits next to me.
"my girlfriend is only 2 doors down do you really think i'm gunna sleep with your sorry ugly ass?"I meant for it to be a joke , Billy looked almost to tears. He looks away from me and starts getting off the bed.
"yea course....why would anyone want to sleep with me?" he says walking out.
"Billy wait.." I call after him but his already gone.
I hated seeing the pain on his face. I care about him really, but I don't love him. I'm straight he should've known I was joking aswell, he's probably down stairs with Joel and Paul laughing at me. I grab my shirt off the floor and pull it over my head while I walk out and down the stairs to collect my money and to see what other bets have been made.
I walked out of my bedroom leaving Benji alone and trying not to cry what the hell was he talkin about 'i won', I see Joel and Paul sitting on the lounge drunk. They tell me about the bet they had made for Benji to come up and tell me he loved me. I was so angry I could of killed Benji in that moment. I asked him if he was joking and he lied to me, he was suppose to be my best friend. Best friends don't lie to each other. I should of known better, Benji could never love me, i'm ugly and worthless and so stupid. I have to hate him, he doesn't care about anyone but himself, he knew I was serious and he still went along with the stupid bet to get his money. I walked out of the house with Joel and Paul calling after me, and drove off before I had to see any of them again. Tears fall down my face as I try to forget about everything that had just happened. I can still feel Benji's lips on mine, with him rubbing himself against me, the sight of him lying underneath me....I close my eyes for a second trying to get rid of the visual.
I'm ripped out my thoughts as I hear a car horn, I open my eyes to see a car coming straight towards me. Theres no time to swerve or brake only a second to see it then it hit me and I was in darkness with nothing but Benjis eyes.
[had a bad day don't talk to me, i'm gunna ride this out
my little black heart breaks apart with your big mouth and
i'm sick of my sickness, don't touch me you'll get this
i'm useless, lazy, perverted and you hate me
you can't save me
you can't change me
well i'm waiting for my wake up call
and everythings my fault]
A/N: aww..no poor billy..hehe..please review or you won't find out what happens next..will billy survive? ..will he ever forgive benji, joel and paul?? ...review please..even if you think the stories crap..just tell me