Sometimes even the strongest heart will fade....
Its barley been a week since he passed on and I’m already a total emotional wreck.
It should have been his birthday today, and in my trembling hands I hold a large bouquet of beautiful golden sunflowers and delicate crimson roses as his present. If it had been my decision, I would have tried to make myself forget about his birthday, but Kairi insisted that I should pay his grave a visit, as a way of coming to terms with his abrupt disappearance from my life. Kairi didn’t come with me, and she is waiting for me to return as she helps some friends to arrange a gathering of some kind for tonight. My life feels so surreal and alien that I haven’t yet committed to memory what she’s organizing, but I do remember that it will be held outside, under the silver moonlight and the dazzling white stars, stars that I had passed long ago in anxious search for him as I journeyed with Donald and Goofy.
At the moment, the sun is high in the blue sky, not a cloud to stop it from beating down heavily through the opening in the lush green canopy and down onto my unprotected neck. Not the weather one would expect after the death of someone they loved, but maybe the heavens are just trying to cheer me up a bit.
Well, if they are, it isn’t working.
All that fills my mind is how I’ll never see him again. He’ll never be there to reassure me when everything is going wrong, he’ll never be there to talk to when I want to muse over our fates and destinies. Never again will I see his sparkling sea-blue eyes light up with excitement as he smiles a thin smile and holds his hand out towards me. And never again will a day pass without my thoughts drifting back to him, never again will my dreams be free of the terrified look in his eyes as his head lay in my arms and he gradually faded away.
His dying moments were the most painful few seconds that I have ever experienced in my entire life. His eyes were wild and full of fear and tears, his soft voice trembling as I stroked his hair and tried in vain to reassure him that everything would be alright. I still vividly remember that me and Kairi had been holding his hand as his heart had ceased to beat.
Sometimes I hear Kairi muttering fretfully to herself as she dreams of that horrible moment, speaking comforting words and crying softly to herself.
As scared as he was when it happened, I think he knew that he was dying, that he had sensed it right from the moment that he had let the darkness engulf his heart. It must have been so hard, knowing that he was steadily dying and that the only thing keeping him alive was the hope of seeing us again. He may not have admitted it, but he was so incredibly strong to have kept on going, stronger than he thought he was, and much, much stronger than I could ever hope to be.
A soft tap on my shoulder caused me to turn, and I saw Kairi standing behind me, her shoulder length crimson hair swaying in the gentle summer breeze.
“Where did you come from?” I asked, startled.
“You’ve been gone for almost three hours,’ she explained softly,’ and I started to panic.”
Kairi knelt down next to me and softly laid a comforting hand on my shoulder as she gazed at the grave, and we were both silent as the sound of the waves crashing into the shore echoed in the distance. A little while later she and I stood up, and as she turned to go I looked back at the grave once more.
“Are you coming?” she asked.
“You go,’ I replied,’ I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”
As she walked away I reached forwards and ran my fingers over the smooth white marble headstone, tracing the letters of the message engraved daintily onto the shiny bronze plaque. I knelt down next to the grave and gently placed the flowers on top of the freshly dug earth, letting one last tear roll down my face and drip onto the headstone before standing up and hurrying through the trees to catch up with Kairi as she heads home.
/Let not the darkness destroy him,
let not the elements take him away.
May he remain perfect for evermore,
and may his sprit never fade.
Forever he will live on in our hearts,