Don't read this, please! It's too stupid!
Disclaimer: Harry Potter was a young Tommy who got himself killed in the Arab Rebellion back in 1939. I don't think anyone owns the right to his name, except perhaps whatever British heritage foundation that looks after his grave in the British Army cemetary in the town of Ramle, Israel. God owns the rights for Satan, although some believe He would have rather done without. I own the rights for certain fruits and vegtables, which I bought earlier today on my way home. And that about sums it up.
Chamber of Secrets, East-end
"Now we'll see how the great Harry Potter fares against the Monster of Slytherin!" the Dark Lord gloated on. "Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts Four!" he went on to hiss in Parseltongue.
Harry watched bewildered as a great big snake slithered out of the statue's mouth. It came to a halt before him. Then it opened its mouth, displaying not the multitude of sharp teeth Harry might have expected, but rather...
"Do you want an apple?" it said.
Chamber of Secrets, Easter
"That's the Monster of Slytherin?" Harry asked, between laughter. "The Easter Bunny?"
"You think it's funny, Potter?" asked an annoyed Dark Lord. "Laugh at that! Bun-bun, attack!"
Chamber of Secrets, Aust
"What's that?" Harry asked, bewildered.
"That, Potter," came the answer, "is an Australopithecus Boisei, it is an extinct branch of the humanoid species."
"I knew it! I knew it!" cried Harry. "That's why Salazar looked like an ape!"
Chamber of Secrets, Est.
"Doesn't say when it was establish, does it?" said Harry.
"Well, no," said the Tom, a bit embarrassed. "They waited for the grand opening, but they never had a chance to carry it on. Until I opened it myself. But then... then..." he wailed. "Then Pucci here accidentally killed that poor girl, and I had to close it again. Think of all those poor children that never got to go through the Hogwarts experience theme park!" he was in tears.
"There, there," said Harry, as he patted Tom on the back of his head, ignoring for the moment the fact his hand went through, "There's a good Dark Lord."
Not much, not very good either, I know, but I had nothing better to do. Well, Okay, I had lots of better things to do, I just was too lazy to do them. And too tired. I'll probably wake up tommorow morning, read this and go sick. Still...
Anyway, where does the observation that Slytherion's statue in the chamber looks like an ape? Was it canon Harry Potter, a fanwonk or an impression garnered from the movie? Anybody knows?
Australopithecus Boisei: www.archaeologyinfo.com/australopithecusboisei.htm