Five thousand years ago, four teenage girls locked away the most powerful evil known to man by combining their powers and working together. Now, that evil has reawakened and it is up to the descend...
(#) armourdude 2006-03-13 03:39:13 AMWell kind of hard to rate this. The formula for this type of story is old. This reads like a begining of a short anime series.
The Discription reads more like a set of trading cards then part of the story. So here are some tips.
First, make the discription part of the story. Discribe each character as they first appear.
Second, don't tell the reader what thier powers are. Let the reader discover the characters powers along with the characters. I will make a small exception for this.
If you really must discribe a super power or weapon in detail make it part of the foke lore or some kind of reference for example like this.
Man finds ancient book reads this. " the great warrior could hurl thunder bolts and lift mountains" Now that leave room for interpetation. Then the reader find out the great warrior shoots eletrical charges and lifts boulders. Does this help?