One-Shot. Its hard to say I'm shaken, by the choices that I make. We'll I'll choose this life I've taken.
We're hanging out with corpses and driving in this hearse and someone save my soul tonight.
I listen to the song bluring out of the speakers just as I needed, I just don't think these guys know how they affect ones life, yeah maybe they know they save lifes but when you know, when you feel that their music has actually save your life you'll never forget it, I know that I never will.
22nd June 2007
Oh yeah 5o Cent is great! I thought as I was flicking over the TV channels looking for good music.
what is this fucking hippy shit? I said to myself as I was looking, half-listening to a Channel called Kerrang! 'My Chemical Romance-I Don't Love You' popped up on the screen, must be the name of those freaking goth people. I decided to listen to it because it just caught my eye I guess, I've never really listened to this type of music. The video was in black and white with a pure white woman and a jet black clothed man, the sound of it just got me to listen, I sat down and just watched it looked like the lead singer was going to cry, it showed the end of the video when the woman started to cry, I Don't Love You I thought yeah I guess that sorta is a good song.
"What re you listening to?" I asked my sister as she was listening to some crap.
"Fall Out Boy Thanks For The Memories" she answered half heartly.
'Thanks for the memories even know they weren't so great, he tastes like you only sweeter' god dammit those lyrics were stuck in my head all day! What sort of retards write lyrics like that? They weren't half bad that just isn't my type of music, I don't listen to Goth stuff.
~8 Days Later~
'Sugar we're going down swinging' I sang listening to Fall Out Boy, They actually become a big part of music for me, it feels like everything is changing I dont't know why though.
"Look at him! Hes great!" I said to my friend who clearly had no intrest in the picture I was showing her of Pete Wentz on my phone, "Eww hes ugly!" she stated.
"No hes not!" I laughed, I think that was basically, more than likly, yes I think you get the point the end of me and my friends friendship she just didn't really like the music I started to like, she said it was 'Weird'.
~Later On The Next Month'
God sake I am bored! I shouted inside my head, I sat on my computer clearly bored. I haven't really been feeling myself lately. I was on YouTube and decided to go listen to more of these 'My Chemical Romance' people.
I was listening to a 'Parade' song lately from My Chemical Romance its pretty good, I've been listening to quite a few song of them but mostly 'Helena' and 'Welcome To The Black Parade' theres another one to called 'I'm Not Okay' which is sorta making me think really, it feels like
its reflecting on things now, its not that everything is messed up its just in my head that I
don't feel...normal, I don't feel normal I guess thats a way to put it.
Thats right I'm Not Oh-Fucking-Kay!, I smashed my head into a pilliow sitting beside my computer as 'I'm Not Okay' blured out of the speakers once more like the fifftyth time that day. I just don't know what to do anyone, everyones just getting used to the fact that I'm a 'Goth' apparently.
I don't feel like a Goth, theres this other thing too, 'Emo' its all out now, I have alot of respect for those Emos, everyone says they slit their wrists and stuff, not all of them do those stupid fucks juat don't know what to say about them.
All I have been feeling is like everyone hates me, like everyone just doesn't want me I feel worthless, you can say I even feel 'Depressed' but I never wanted to say I am, it just isn't true.
It is a Saturday night and I'm out with my mates bored shitless. I just need time to think about things really.
'Singing songs that make you slit your wrists'
Fuck this I can't take it anymore, I pick up a peice of broken glass and dig it into my right wrist, I can't feel anything, I cut my knuckle, I cut my wrist right across the viens but not hard. Nothing happened.
I Start feeling like theres water running down my right arm, "Umm, Yeah I think I'm gonna do in now I'm pretty bored" I said trying to cover up why I really wanted to go in. I knock the door repeatly then my 'Mother' opened the door I ran right into the bathroom and looked at my arm, there was a fucking river of blood flowing down my arm. I stick it under the water and get tolit roll to stop the blood. "What happened to you?" My 'Mother' asked me.
"Oh that umm nothing I just feel on glass" I said covering up again the real reason.
'And if the world needs something better, lets give them one more reason now'
From then on I've been feeling like I just what to die, I just can't take anymore of this. First of all my best friend moved to another country just before Christmas and I lost another friend and I've been feeling totally worthless all the time, its like this world wants me to die, maybe its just best if I do.
'I am not afraid to keep on living, I'm not afraid to walk this world alone'
I'm going over for a week to see my best mate. I can not fucking wait! Its gonna be fucking awesome! I think I've overcome alot since what I've been feeling, you just can't write your feelings down and expect people to know what your feeling, You yourself have to feel it to understand, Its been fucking hard and I meant it but Never Ever give up.
'And there's no room in this hell, There's no room in the next, And our memories defeat us, And I'll end this direst'
I swear seeing my friend had to be THE BEST WEEK EVER! We had so much fun, She doesn't really care that I'm a 'Goth' Or A 'Emo' shes my Best Friend why would she anyway? Shes awesome.
So back to school obviously sucks, I hate people! Do they have no respect for other people than themselves? I have a big test coming up soon and I've just given up on it. They just push you and push you.
'Without a sound and I wish you away'
Its been a long time, I keep looking back at my life really, everything has been happening and I think I'm just loosing everyone and everything around me. I don't want to go back like I was back last year, I can't its my biggest fear feeling like that again, I just can't do it again! I just can't do anything anymore and I don't want to. I've only got one chance to put this at a end, its the only escape root I have...
'Take My Fucking Hand and never trust you said, who put the words in your head. Oh how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying'
And I guess I have to end it, I thought long and hard and it just feels like I have no other option, I know I always said 'Never Give Up Becasue You Never Know Whats Going To Happen In The Future' but I just Can't live like this anymore. I'm Gone.
'Can You Take This Spike Will It Fill Our Hearts With Thoughts Of Endless Nightime Sky'
My Chemical Romance SAVED My Life, They didn't END It, maybe I'm gone now but that was my own choice, my own reason. My Chemical Romance had the biggest affect on my life than anything and anyone will and ever could on my life, There amazing and only you know if they saved your life and how it feels. Those papers and reporters and dickheads don't have a clue and never will. My Chemical Romance Forever.