[ItaNaru YAOI] Wearing a mask. And no one notices. No one realizes... he's only a breathing chrysalides... as Butterflies fly. [Naruto POV]
Summary: [ItaNaru] Wearing a mask. And no one notices. No one realizes... he's only a breathing chrysalides... as Butterflies fly. [Naruto POV]
Warnings: shounen ai. Yaoi. BL. Whatever. Means boy x boy love. Don't like don't read don't flame. The only flame here is the youthful one Rock Lee possesses.
Disclaimer: if I were Masashi Kishimoto... hell I am glad I am not. If I were, Naruto would not exist. It's too troublesome to create a story out of thin air...
One-Shot (Naruto's POV)
When did it start?
When did I start lying?
To myself, to the others, it doesn't matter.
Fooling them, fooling me.
~Like grey butterflies my thoughts
Dripping their bright colours like blood~
Putting up an act, to hide the pain that I had inside, smiling, laughing, joking around and plainly acting stupid. Dumb.
When did it start, I can't remember.
I suppose it became a part of me, the cheerful mask that hides what is behind to the world. I can even come as far as to say I don't know myself what's under the mask. It's so well placed that right now, it may have become the true me.
True, false, there is nothing like this.
Just like there is no good or evil. There are only the reasons why someone lives for, stands up for, dies for, believes in.
What do I believe in?
~What's behind the mask?
Nothing. The mask is the hollow shell of a chrysalides~
I can't remember. I think that I want to be Hokage someday.
But that's what my mask says, so I can't trust it. Better judgement than this, I can't trust myself anymore.
Hatred, loath, rage, fury, obsession, desire, emptiness, grief, mourn and sadness. I felt all of these things called emotions. I touched the bottom of the pit and stopped there. Not moving. I never came to the surface again, drowning in the dark.
What is on the surface is just a foolish act.
And still, they all believe it.
It's so easy to fool them.
It's so easy to lie.
It's so easy it hurts.
But I don't care.
~Flying high above the dull world
Where no life exists~
Every day I lose a part of myself.
"If I am fine? I've never felt better datte bayo!"
No one notices. No one cares. What they see is enough to keep them content with their lives. Why should they think I am not saying the truth? Why should they wonder if I am not that fine after all?
All they see is a smiling idiot. Blue eyes sparkling with so much happiness it's almost foolish; foxy grin, glinting mischievously.
~Spreading blood spreading colour
It faded away into nothingness~
It hurts. But then again, I am used to this kind of pain.
Who am I?
All my life I lived with the pain. I was the monster, the demon. I never had a life that could be even remotely normal, because I am not normal.
So I decided to fake a life.
It was so easy.
Smiling came natural to hide the hurt. To hide the pain, physical and emotional.
"Will you care?"
"Of course I will, Naruto".
No one cares. No one knows.
They don't see the pain I hide.
They all fail to see, or maybe, they all force themselves not to see.
Fooling themselves just as much as I fool myself.
Maybe I am hypocrite as well.
I always wished someone would see. I always wished and hoped that maybe one day, someone would come to me and offering me their hand they would tell me to drop the mask.
To stop hiding.
To stop fooling myself.
~Searching insanely the butterflies fly
Grey against the grey sky~
And in the nights, this dream, this hope, gets the only thing that I can think of. I have no real hope, nothing to expect, I only get on living, faking, fooling. I don't think about the next day, I don't think what will happen in the future and I don't think what would happen if I finally find an answer.
I breathe. I walk. I speak and move and fight and sleep. I eat and drink and think.
But I don't live.
It's the mask that is living. In my place.
I, the real me, is hidden.
Or maybe I lied so much I became this fake me. I am the fake. I am the mask.
I don't care.
I just keep on every day.
~The land is lifeless as the butterflies fly
Searching for something not even they can know~
No. Just existing.
That's why, if someone sees the mask, if someone comes to free me, to free me from this myself that I became not even realizing it, if the fake me breaks and shatters and someone tells me to stop.
I'll live for that someone.
I'll do everything for them.
They would became my everything.
Because I am not living.
~The sun shines, its light pale,
Chilling cold instead of warm~
Maybe that's a hope.
I am still standing. I didn't end my life.
Maybe the mask I put on is too strong for my own good... because it's making me hope. It's making me wait.
It's making me wish...
... to exist...
~And the wings are slowly cracking
The cold and the wind breaking them
But still flying they keep on searching
Not even death enough to stop them~
And there I stand.
He's just in front of me, staring down with crimson swirling pools of blood, and he's not speaking. Somewhere at my back, I can hear voices...
Yelling to step back.
To not look at him.
They are just making sure the demon will be on their side, even if the demon is into a stupid useless boy.
They yell in fear.
I just stare.
One by one the butterflies fall
Crystals of ice crashing on the ground
I fear him and respect him all the same. He never falters, never shows weakness. He's stronger than me and still I stand there, staring back at him as if stating I am going to win.
That's my mask, that's my mistake. But that's what I appear. That means, that's what I am.
I should run. Or I should at least fight.
But I don't care. I just stand there, staring.
Because for once, someone is looking at me.
Not at the demon.
Not at the mask.
~One butterfly is left and is flying upwards
Flapping its grey wings towards the sun~
Crimson bloody eyes are staring at me. Speaking words I can't hear but can feel.
There are no emotions in his orbs, raven hair dancing around his face with the wind. It's like there is no one else apart us, blue meeting crimson, ice and fire clashing against each other. No sounds can reach my ears as I drown in those beautiful infernos of flames.
He shows nothing. He says nothing.
But I can see. He wears a mask too. A mask that hides his true self, just like mine. And he can recognize mine as I recognized his.
~It never stops, never falters, never looks down
at the falling mates that had once been with it~
If someone like this exists...
If someone can really see and understand...
If someone appears to offer me a way out... telling me to drop my mask...
I'll start living only for them.
~Reaching up for the sun the butterfly flies,
Forgotten the loneliness forgotten the pain~
That's why, grabbing the stretched hand with my own, feeling warm fingers wrap and curl gently but tightly around mine, pulling me against a strong and firm frame, I don't feel bad at all.
I don't even turn back as he takes me away, holding me close to his heart, almost tenderly.
And against his, I can finally hear, feel, my own beat just as strong.
~And being colourless doesn't matter anymore
Because grey... can be bright too
If sun reaches it and makes it turn into shining silver~