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This is a short story for English when I was in year eleven on the subject of love. More specifically, true love. But we all know that things never happen like they do in fairytales and not everybo...
One could argue that all fairytales are the same. And indeed they are. They all have a beginning middle and end as all good stories must. Every one ends up beginning with “Once upon a time” or “In a land far far away”. Each ending with “happily ever after.” However there is one theme that sets fairytales apart from all other tales about fairies and everything in between, that some how is not a ridiculous as it sounds in the context of a fairytale:
True love riding in on a noble steed, stealing fair maiden's heart and inevitably the two virtual strangers are engaged by sunset.
But I too am the narrator and I too have a story to tell.
Enter the pauper who is doing everything in his power to win fair maiden’s heart, while said fair maiden is too interested in the latest issue of Dolly to notice. This is probably a good thing because this maiden has eyes only Prince Charming, who unfortunately has eyes only for himself. Prince Charming happens to be narcissist pig who this narrator fails to see why exactly all the ladies find him so charming.
And where is the princess for her prince? The princess is currently holidaying in Fiji. This wouldn’t be a problem if she didn’t just return from Paris two weeks ago. Not that she isn’t a good person, she is the girl every girl wants to be (while of course secretly hating) and every boy wants to be with. The issue lies with the fact that she is on holiday in Fiji because she claims that it is for rehabilitation after spraining her ankle because somebody failed to catch her when she fell down the stairs. Talk about a D.I.D – damsel in distress!
Without their leader her ladies in waiting are lost without her and seem to have been severely disabled. They have been rendered unable to speak in fluent coherent sentences without the presence of ‘like’ and ‘you know?’ This strange curse however has not stopped them from filling every waking moment with gossip and I feel for the parents of these unfortunate souls when they see their latest phone bills.
I now am of the feeling that as the narrator I have done a great injustice. For who could ever forget the faithful sidekick? The poor boy has been waiting at Prince Charming's heels for too long despite being the real brains behind the operation. As a general rule the highest position of authority should aways be held by someone slightly stupid and relaxed, and the actual control left to the vice president.
Enter the ugly sisters. And believe me, as hot as they think they are somebody should really tell them that peroxide blonde and orange skin is really not a good look. But be careful how you say it, if not you will be answering to Mummy.
Wait a minute – where is our Merlin? That nutty girl girl is always late. It's incredible that she does so well but then again she is a genius. And of course the fairy godmother is with her. She has such as gentle soul. I would say more but the trouble is that she is so indescribably nice and any lame attempt on my part will surely not do her justice.
Now every story needs a villain and in she comes with her cheap lipstick on her teeth. Today the witch plans to torture us with the most vile and painful thing we can imagine: Shakespeare. She begins her spell of doths and thous and we all fall asleep for a hundred years.
It is in our blackest hour that an unlikely hero emerges. Armed with glasses, ruler and calculator the brave knight challenges the beast that confronts us: Quadratics.
He bravely fights back her minions, those people who think they can get away with everything for the simple fact that they can. Life isn't fair, especially because in truth all they do is suck up to get good grades – either that or they are under a spell from which our knight shall free them of.
Now we'd all like to think we know the end to this story. That our hero finds his princess and they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Unfortunately the story is still being written and perhaps it will not turn out so. After all this is highschool.
But then again, stranger things have happened and our little frog is looking less green by the minute. So with these parting words I leave you, for this chronicler is of the feeling that with a little luck (and a little intervening from the narrator) fairytales can come true.
And with such as cast of characters who is there to find doubt in true love?