based on the christian aguilera song 'Beautiful'.
I woked up in the morning,only by being woken up my alarm clock.
"GERARD,wake up time for school,"screamed my mom.
"I'AM ALREADY UP,"I screamed back.I got up from the corner of my bed,and got dressed in my usual clothing I wear.Band t-shirt and black skinny jeans,I walked out the door of my bedroom,and thru the hall that connected me to the living room and front door.
"Gerard,honey want breakfast,"asked my mom
"No,that'll be fine I'am not really hungry,"I walked passed my mom and thru the front door,of my house.I walked thru the windy rainy streets of New Jersey.Suddenly I got tackled by someone light weighed it seemed.
"Gerard,I missed you!"I looked in the back of me.And I should of have guessed it,it was the one and only Frank Iero.Best friend,and my secret lover.We've been best friends since second grade,but once we entered high school about two years ago.Our feelings for each other started to devolpe into something more than a friendship.I'am gay and I didn't realized it,until I was going thru puberty.Frank well...I've always have known he was.He didn't even have to tell me,from the time we've known each other for so long we know ever single detail abput ourselves.We just haven't told anybody our secret.Actually are both secrets number one,that we're both gay,and two that we've been going out with each other for two years.
We haven't told anyone...well beacuse people now a days.Well in our school are judgemental and cruel.They'll make our lives a living hell,hell they don't even now we exsist but trust me if our secret gets out they'll even try to kill us.It's like a sin to be gay in our school,how ignorate hu?
"Oh,Frank it was only yesterday that I saw you,"
"I know,I know but I just imagen how my life would be without you.Your the best ting that happen to me,"
"Don't flater yourself too much,you might get your head popped,"Frank giggled
"God you always say something nice then you ruin the moment,don't you Franklin,"
"ewww!I hate that name to you,it's frankie or frank got that.Nigga,"
"yes sir"I told him.
He held my hand for a minute and leaned over and gave me a kiss in the mouth.After we finished we looked everywhere to see if anyone had seen us,and walked away.
God just how much I wish I could be proud and scream to the world that I'am gay,that we're both gay.
I woked upand saw that I was late to school again for the second time in a row.And just to make my day any worse that it already is Gerard left without me.
Asswhole!Ever since he's entered high school it seems like he has a secret,Frank also they seem so weird when someone sees them together.I got up and got dressed,the only thing in my mind was that I know I'am not the most athelitic person.But I'am trying out for the track team,all the guys are well builded,have muscels and everything a girl looks for in a guy.Well look at me blond hair,glasses,tall and skinny way hell.And if your wondering no I'am not doing it for the girls,it would be nice to have a girlfriend.But the only reason I'am doing it is because I want to prove to myself that I'am atheletic,and could do anything if I set me mind to it.
I walked downstairs and saw that mom was already gone to work.
Fuck!I have to now walk .Well I was know in my way to school,not so far away from my house.
One hour later
This was it!right now the track team was out in the field,looking for their new player in the team.I was up next.
"Michael Way,your up next,"said the captain of the track team
"Your task is to lift up these weights and do twentty in ech arm,"he said
I picked them up and got were they heavy.I did my first and it my hand started to hurt,on my thrid I dropped the weight and started to rub my hand.
"God what a loser can't even go up to at least 16,"said one of the team memebers.
"wait can't I even get one more chance,"
"Sorry,one try only,plus I've seen other kids finish this simple routine.If you can't even finish this routine then your not fit to be here." I walked away with my head down and shoulder slump,thinking why can't I even do one simiple routine.Maybe I'am a loser.I heard the track team laugh as I walked out of their way.
Don't look at me.
I saw myself in my bedroom mirror,all I saw was pure bluber,fattness,obesity! I sat down on my bed only dressed in my boxers.Don't look at me,were the exact words that always popped out in my head as I walked thru the streets,or even in my house.I was so ashamed of how I looked,I saw pure uglyiness and fattness.The only people who were my friends and that told me I wasn't fat was Mikey,Gerard,Frank and Bob.But I only know they told me this because they didn't want to hurt my feelings,like many people have already.You see when I was a really small kid I used to be chubby.Try size 20 in pants,I used to get laughed at for my weight and my appearance in general.So over the summer before I entered high school,I got in a diet and lost 20 pounds,and ever since that I still see that same kid in the mirror who used to get laughed at.The same kid who came home crying about how much people told me names.Chessecake,fatty,shamu,willy.etc etc.
All those names were really painful and still are to me these days.
It's like everyday I get up it's so hard to breath.I layed back in my bed,and under the warmness of my cozy blanket.
"Ray,are you going to school today,"asked my ma
"No,I'am feeling sick,ma I think it's because of the weather,"
"Okay,migeto,but remember tommorow you go back to school,"
"Okay,ma," I just though of the horrible thought of school.
Today was like any ordinary day in the life of Bob Bryar.I always got people not wanting to sit next to me,or even be around me.All because I wear black from head to toes,to everyone except my friends 'I'am considered goth or emo.'Know a days people don't even know the meaning of either word,they just say it because everyone else says it.No one even knows how eveyday not only in school,but everywhere I go people never want to be close by me.Because they also think I'am a devil worshiper,and that I'am an evil creature sent from satin.No one knows the pain they put me thru every single day I walk.
It's like suddenlt it's hard to breath for me.They just think that because I look this way,that I'am the meanest evilest person they'll ever meet.
And it's so not true,I'am always pollite and nice to people who have spoken to me.And honestly sometimes I just want to end it all.I want to kill myself,but then I think that I would leave my mom all alone,since Ia'm the only person she has in her life.My grandparents died when I was ten,my father left us when I was only one.So bascilly I'am the only family she has left.
So it would be selfish of my part to kill myself right?
a/n:could anyone comment please