Frerard one shot... sad
It was raining. But then again it was always raining.
I could see the small shadow at the far end of the street as I hurried towards it, trying to avoid getting soaked but it was so heavy, it was hard not to.
He was standing in just a t-shirt, his dark hair was dripping wet and fell over his face. I couldn't make out the tears on his face because of the rain but I knew he was crying.
I wasn't sure if I could do this to a boy this beautiful. I loved him more than life itself but I had to do it. I just had to. I refused to put him through more pain by staying with me.
he wrapped his arms around me but I didn't return the hug, I had to get this done.
He stepped back, a hurt look appearing on his flawless porcelain skin that glowed in the light.
"Gee...what's wrong?" he asked, confusion flooded his face.
"Frankie....I can't do this anymore..." I mumbled, taking my eyes off his face and forcing them to the ground.
I knew that he knew exactly what I meant, the minute the words escaped from my lips.
"No...no..gee please don't do this..." he begged me, tears beginning to fall down his pale cheeks.
"Frankie.. I...I.. I'm sorry...I can't..." I muttered shakily
"Please Gee...please... I need you... please... why...why...are you doing this to me...Gee...I...I...love you" he carried on, his whole body shaking, I wanted to reach out and hug him and tell him it would be okay but I couldn't.
"Frank...you know I can't be with you....my parents...and Mikey....I just can't..." I mumbled
He fell to the ground and huddled into a ball, the rain still falling onto his soaked figure, he was shaking and muttering to himself.
"You...you...called me F...F...Frank..." he mumbled up at me.
I hadn't called him Frank since we had met a year ago, I guessed that the name Frankie meant a lot to him.
"You can live with me and and and we can be you and me and just you and me and nobody just you and me it it it will be okay" he mumbled, not making much sense.
"I'm sorry....I can't...we can't..." I replied quietly
"But....I love you.....don't you...love me...?" he asked, his tear stained honey eyes gazing up at me hopefully.
"I can't love you Frank...." I lied, hoping that if he accepted it, he would be able to forget about us.
This just made him worse.
He started sobbing and punching at himself, digging his nails into his frozen arms and shaking uncontrolably.
"Frank please stop...please" I begged him
"I deserve it Gee....just go..." he replied flatly
"I can't leave you like this...." I began but he cut me off.
"Fucking leave me Gerard!" he screamed and I turned to walk to my car.
His voice echoed through my head, I didn't turn to see him, I walked straight to my car and left.
I stopped my car around the corner, finding it too difficult to drive. I cried. Cried for Frank. Cried for what I had to him. Cried for my parents who didn't want me being with Frank because he wasn't their idea of a nice girl from a good family and didn't fit their fucking stereotype.
I cried until there were no more tears.
Hours had gone by but I didn't care when I got home.
It was then that I realized I had made the wrong decision. I punched the car door, realizing my stupidity and fumbled with the keys, turning it back on and reversing back to where Frankie had been, doubting he was still there.
He wasn't but I saw his car parked in the distance, it was still where it had been before.
I parked a short distance away and ran up to his car.
I approached the car slowly, seeing that the door was open, to my horror, Frankie was lying on the ground outside it.
I begged my thoughts not to be true as I turned his cold body over and hugged him close.
There was a crimson pool of blood surrounding him and his beautiful skin was deathly pale.
Blood continued to pour from his wrists and no matter what I did, it refused to stop.
"Please baby...please....no...please....baby don't do this to me....I am sorry...so so sorry...please baby...frankie..." I sobbed, rocking his blood stained, frozen body to my chest.
A small piece of paper was blowing in th wind on the carseat.
I pulled it over and opened it with shaky fingers.
I am sorry. I was never enough for you. I was never enough for anyone. You were right to leave me. I should have done this a long time ago but all I needed was for one more person to tell me how worthless I really was. Thankyou. I deserve every ounce of pain I got, all the pain from my father. All the nights he came into my room and did things I knew weren't right. All the nights he told me I don't deserve to be alive. The day you tell me I wasn't enough. The day you tell me you can't love me. I do love you though Gee. You are a miracle for me. I didn't deserve you.
All the love in my lifeless, worthless body,