More Hurt/Comfort than Angst.Gerard is moving away from New Jersey and Frank takes a trip down memory lane.
Disclaimer: I don't own or know Frank Iero and Gerard Way. I also don't own the title as it is the work of Fall Out Boy. Don't sue me :)
Author's note: This was originally wrote for English coursework. Let me know what you think J
I'm still in shock. I think it's partly disbelief that I need to overcome. You're moving away, out of Jersey completely, I know it can't be the best place to live...maybe even the worst to some people - although I can't see why. Most of where we are is desolate wasteland, where crimes are common, and parents won't let their children play on the streets for fear of them disappearing. Maybe your parents have had enough and think you deserve better? Well you had only just been told and were still processing the idea, trying to understand and get used to not being here.
I know it's not safe but I'm sat in the park and as the velvety darkness begins to surround me I can't help think about what you've helped me through. How you're going to cope. How you love Jersey - and how you helped me love it too.
I remember the day I met you...it was my first day at another new school. I was anxious and the critical, cutting remarks weren't helping my nerves either. I turned around and saw you were trying to convince people to leave me alone, not that it worked. I was stunned, someone who actually looked like they could be my friend; dark hair that looked effortless - you could see you had spent time to get that look, and you practically had the same outfit on as me. It was the first time I had seen someone who looked they could be friends with me.
You must have thought the same because you began to speak. You seemed confident but there was a slight hesitation in your voice. You introduced yourself as Gerard and offered to help me find my way round school, I did the same and accepted. The school was of an extensive size; entering made me feel even smaller than what I am (5ft 4"), I felt like I was a single castaway with no hope...all alone. From that day on we were like sand and salt - near enough impossible to separate. The next significant think I remember is my birthday -31st October, also known as Halloween. I know that for most people their birthday is a time of celebration and exuberance, but for me it's just another excuse for my parents to argue over what I should do. "Just send him out with all the other kids! It's Halloween, he can go get all the candy he wants!" my Dad would say.
"NO!" My Mum believes Halloween is an opportunity for children to go out begging and it's socially acceptable. "He can stay here at home -where he belongs!" They expressed their points as if I wasn't there -nonexistent even. So I would just leave the glacial room like a ghost walking through the snow, leaving no trace behind me that I had left the room. It didn't take much; my parents were too busy trying to convince each other they were right to notice me. My birthday for the past 3 years (since I was 13) was spent in my room trying to tech myself to play the guitar - something to take my mind off the feud going on downstairs.
However this year you decided it needed to change, but I was oblivious to it...even with all the questions, "When is your birthday" "What are you doing for your birthday" and even "Do you want to do anything for your birthday". So because I had no idea of your plans I had already taken up my usual place upstairs, away from my parents. I barely heard my Mum shout up to me - the music I was blaring out kept most of the noise from reaching me, the heated words being exchanged. I reluctantly walked to the hallway and saw you looking up at me, a big grin across your face and a stack of films in your hands. I was confused but invited you up anyway.
When you entered my room you sat on the bed in the most natural way possible, as if you lived here with me, I didn't complain though because I was happy you were there. "What's first then?" you asked it, like it was the most obvious question ever. I told you what I was feeling - how surprised and confused I was that you were there. You simply laughed and told me "It's your birthday idiot!" So we worked out way through the films (mainly classic horror) and I couldn't help thinking that I was going to enjoy being 17 more than I had 16...or any other year for that matter!
It was soon after that the arguments going on between my parents got worse. Most of the time it was over stupid little things - such as whose turn it was to cook and who hadn't cleaned up. My Dad turned to alcohol and would snap at the smallest thing, he was hardly ever sober and I guess my Mum just couldn't handle it anymore. The spark that had once connected my parents had died and wasn't returning. My Mum told my Dad to leave and he did. No goodbye. Just left. Gone. Forever.
I couldn't handle it, I was used to being in a stable family with two people to support me but this no longer existed. I didn't know what to do; I was crying myself to sleep every night and lost all interest in the things and people around me. I was slowly becoming more and more withdrawn and beginning to think the only way out was to leave. It was leave my home or just leave life - I was in no state of mind to make any important decisions but I found myself thing about it again and again.
You were there for me. As soon as you realised something was wrong you got me to open up. It took some work but you persisted until I told you everything. It was in one of my Art classes that it happened, I finally cracked. You told me to speak and that you would listen - I trusted you and did what you said. Once Istarted the words just kept coming, like a river travelling towards the sea, reaching its destination. The river it seemed for me was the route to recovery and the sea was my mental state being fully healed.
After I had told you everything I felt much better, like everything was halved- halved between two friends. I could deal with it much better, all because you were helping me. Things began to pick up again, my grades improved and I began to play guitar once again. Slowly I became myself again.
You see? I'm going to miss you and it hurts inside to think about not seeing you every day. I'm going to miss you being there to help me through the day or us talking about our problems to each other. It's not going to be the same without you. "Maybe I'll see you again one day and things will be back to normal" I say out loud without realising. "Same." I hear a voice say, it's Gee. A single crystalline tear is slowly running down his face as he says his goodbyes. His Mum and brother call and he leaves. As he runs into the distance I can't help think that he'll change someone else's life - just like he did with mine.