"Im not sure."
"You look pale."
"I just want to get out of here."
"The doctor will be in soon. Can you let 'em take a look at you before we leave?" Now I was really confused. " Yeah .. I guess, sure."
"What? What is wrong with you?" A few moments passed with silence. The doctor walked in. " Oh my. You're bleeding."
"Yeah I noticed that." She went to the back of the room and grabbed some gause and bandages. She grabbed a bottle of proxcyde. 'This is gonna hurt.' My mind was preparing itself for physical pain. She poured some on my wound. " Fuccckkkk!"
"I'm sorry." She giggled. 'Does she really find my pain that amusing? What a bitch.' She wrapped me up and basically told me to walk it off. I walked out of the doctor's office. "Do you need a ride home?"
"Ok what is with you?! Why the hell do you care so much about me?!"
"Because the look on your face when .... And then you fainted.... I know how it feels. It hurts to be alone through all of it." The look in his eyes was comforting. "So you need a ride home?"
"Sure. That'd be great." I put on a smile to make him feel better, but he could tell it was fake. Teh ride was silent. I had nothing to talk about, and i'm sure he didn't want to share any of his expierences either. So I let it be. I couldn't help but fidget. It was uncomfortabley queit. " You ok? Haha."
"Yeah. I'm fine." 'Fucked up, Insecure, Nuerotic and Emotional. Yea I'm just fine.'My mind was being a jack ass. It was amusing though. So we made it to my house finally. But I realized that my mother was home. 'Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck me Sideways! Dayum what amd I gonna do now?!'. Mental freakout! Ha. "Thanks for the ride Matt."
"No problem. You sure you dont want me to stay?."
"If you really want to. But when you walk in, Go to the basement. Imediatly. Ok?"
"Uhm .. ok?" 'He thinks I'm insane. Well at least I know I am.' I got out of the car and opened the front door. Momma's drinking cup was on the side table of the couch, that may I add, she was passed out on. "Be quiet."
"Ok." He flashed a smile. "Go streight then right and the stairs should be right there."
"Ok." He tip-toed twords the Basement. I mouthed "You're an Ass." He just smiled. After he went downstairs my mother woke up. " Wherree thee heelll 'ave you been? "
"I was at the school hospital."
"So youu leavead me heareed all alonsih?"
"Go back to sleep. You need your rest momma."
"No. You killed him!"
"I did not."
"You Fuckingeded kiwellded him!"
"YOU NEVER FUCKING LOVED HIM!" She stared at me. I stared back at her.
"How daree you!" She came at me. Right hook then left. The condition I was in, I didn't feel like fighting, so I let her beat the shit out of me. She got me on the ground. She kicked me repetivly in the ribs. After about fifteen minuets, I got up and punched her in the face. She was knocked out. Being the attemptively good person I am inside, I picked her up and put her in bed. Matt came upstairs. "What the hell happened?!"
"Long story. I'll just explain later. Are you hungry?"
"Don't change the subject. She beat the shit out of you."
"She needed to get some steam off. I let her. And then I put her in bed. She won't remember any of it when she wakes up anyway. "
"You need to get out of here."
"I can't nor won't leave her alone. Who knows what she will do. Do you wan't something to eat or drink?" I poured two glasses of sunny-D. He accepted it and we went downstairs. "You really want to know what happens here?"
"If you choose to tell me." I sat down and started working on my Science project that was due a month ago. I'm Such a procrastanator. "She gets drunk, and gets into fights with my dad. It's been like that for years. As long as I can remember actually. But it's not always her. My brother has contributed. But he's in florida now so. I let her beat me so she can get it all out. When I think she has enough, I lay her out and put her in bed. She doesn't remember any of it when she wakes up. And I'm glad she doesn't. I don't want her being all depressed and what not."
"Don't be. It's not or never was your fault."
"I'm still sorry." I looked up from my poster. He was really "touched" as you might put it. "It happens. Don't worry about it." He came over and hugged me. I looked at him. " Thanks." Tears were starting to stream down my face. " Don't cry. I'm gonna be here now." He hugged me again. We didn't let go of eachother for about 5 minuets. 'Maybe I have finally found a good friend.' I didn't want to let go. Not ever. But the time has passed and it was getting akward. He wiped the tears from my eyes. " You OK?"
"Yea. Im fine."
"OK .... Now cut the bullshit and tell me the truth." He was concerned and had every right to be. How the hell was or am I supose to explain this to him? "You were there ... when my father died ... "
"Yeah ... I'm really so-"
"Don't apologize. Sympathy only makes it worse... My father was the only real parent in my life. Momma never gived two shits. Daddy was always the one to take care of me. But the only thing is he wasn't my real father. He was my step. The closest thing to a real dad that I will probebly ever get in my life and hes fucking gone. He's gone .. I have nothing left. I loved my father. She blames it on me because he was bringing my lunch to me when he died. He was always concerned about me eating. She blames me for my father loveing me. What the hell am I supose to do?! I can't show up to school beat up all the time. Sooner or later the school will find out and then I will have absolutly nothing left. The worst part is, no one really cares. He was the only one who fucking cared about me. Sincerly. WHAT THE FUCK!" I got up and started boxing my wall. It was a brick wall. By the time Matt had pulled me away, my knuckles were bleeding and the wall was broken. " Calm down. Please calm down." We sat on the floor and he held me. He wouldn't let go. In a way, i'm glad he didn't. I was so stressed that I ended up blacking out again. The visions of my white rose dying. The blue one was isolated. Not fully joined with the rest of them. The black and red one were still connected. I'm still trying to find out what it all means. It's going to take me forever, I just know it. I woke up. Matt and I were on the floor and coverd with a blanket. I was lying on him. I was very careful not to wake him up. It was 11:20 p.m. No way he was going home this late. I picked him up and put him on the couch we have in the basement. I walked my ass upstairs. Momma wasn't in the living room so I assumed she was still sleeping. I walked into the bathroom and cleaned up a little bit. I walked back out and momma was standing there. " What thee healll arew you doingngg?" 'She's still drunk. Fuck. She must have had more.' My thoughts were correct. I saw her cup filled to the top sitting on the table. "I was downstairs working on my project."
"Youu killeded him!"
"YOU NEVER FUCKING LOVED HIM! You were too busy drinking or being stingy to ever actually fucking care about us! You didn't ever rais me! He did! You fucking say I killed him... I'm SORRY HE WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAD ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ME IN MY FUCKING LIFE!" She stood there taking it all in with her dead mind. "You littttlee bitchc." She tackled me to the floor and started hitting me again. "NO FUCKING MORE!" I punched her in her face. I got on top of her and started beating the shit out of her. I was not going to take this anymore. But little did I know the cops wouldnt have it either.